UGGGGHHHHH Make it Stop; Derek Jeter Reaches 3,000 Hits, Wade Boggs is like "bro, call me when you crush 64 beers on a cross-country flight"

what, were Bishop Desmond Tutu, Pope Benedict XVI, President Barack Obama, the Dalai Lama, Bruce Springsteen, Saint Paul O'Neill, Jay-Z, United Nations Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon, Ed Koch, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton not available? Such disrespect!