Lakers Celtics A Photographic Journey Through Forgotten Awesomeness

Fatburger in the 1970s; other treats from the LA Times photo vaults.

I copped a bunch of photo books from the lie-brary and scanned in a bunch of dumb-dumb ill schtee that I'll be posting throughout the week. Hope youse enjoy.
Also, I want to express my thanks that my Memorial Day plans to head down to San Deegz to peep the Mets fell through.

Ron Artest Makes Craig Saeger Rep for Q Boro Mad Thoro

 From a bricked three to the game-winning put-back after an athletic sunning of Jason "My Jersey Number is As Uninspired as My Nickname" Richardson, Ron "The Hardest" Artest is E-Z to love.

After the game Craig Saeger tried getting all serious downer talk about RonRon's failed three with a full 24 to dribble out.

Artest: "Say Queensbridge."
Saeger (sheepishly): "Queensbridge."

Artest out.

Up there with Manny receiving his 2004 World Series MVP.
“I love you, I love you."

Also, "Thunder" Dan Majerle is a Dunns assistant coach.

The No Garlic No Onion Revolution

No Garlic. No Onion. Is it too much to ask? I don't think so. Somewhere, Chez Boomz is aghast.

The New A-Team Movie Looks Terrible

 Derek Jeter's playing Murdock?

Also, Liam Neeson looks impossibly bored, almost...almost as if he's waiting for the check to clear.

C.T.C.

Super Bowl in New Jersey with Steve Serby-Bot T2000

Frankly, it's hard to get too worked up about the Super Bowl being awarded to New Jersey. It's one of those events that have absolutely nothing to do with us. It's like when the All-Star Game was in the Bronx two years ago, the Biz and I got a couple of those drawstring backpacks out of it from a booth outside Grand Central, that was the extent of our engagement.

Of course, the media went into apocalyptic fits about it, because they are always ravenous for something, anything, to talk about. But for all the radio hours, all the reams of newsprint and all the squinting at screens, there is only one column to read on the issue.

It comes from an ED-209-esque out-of-control Steve-SerbyBot T2000. From today's Post: (Note, two lines are not from today's column)
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Babe Ruth happened here.

Twenty-seven Yankee championships happened here.

Sinatra happened here.

Chesley Sullenberger happened here.

The ball drop on New Year's Eve happens here.

Trump happens here.

Letterman happens here.

Me dipping my balls in a Chinatown whore's unwanting mouth happens here.

Everything big happens here.

Finally, the Super Bowl happens here, Super Bowl XLVIII in 2014, and you can't spell justice without the i the c and the e....

We never really cared weather or not the wimpy killjoys and fear-monger naysayers favored the idea of a Supe BRRR Bowl. They have officially been frozen out of the conversation...

Showtime. Or Snowtime. Our time.

Brett Favre. Jet Favre. Broadway Brett. Super Brett?

Vintage New York City Stickball Photos

Vintage both in age and in the Bizman's gussying up of them in photoshop. The Schoolhouse one is amazing.

I shaved

Once I realized I would never reach this level (Beach Boys bumout) my beard came right off:

One day.

Welcome to the Terrordo----errr, Shea Dome

 From the always-excellent Uniwatchblog.com, the mid-1960s proposal to turn Shea Stadium into a dome. Would have been super-strange. And considering how poorly domes across the country aged, could have hastened Shea's replacement. Thankfully, many powerful people rose up in opposition to the plan, including William A. Shea himself, based mainly on the argument that the baseball fan deserves to watch a game in the fresh air.
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What's the over/under on Johan Santana's win total this year? 13?
I can picture the scene last night in Santana's hotel room.
3AM. Tossing and turning. Can't get the thought of staying in Minnesota out of his head. Competing for a title every year. Wasting the tail end of his prime and beyond on an embarrassment of a team. He turns to his left he sees Virgil. He turns to his right, Ted DiBiase. He bolts out of bed, runs to the bathroom to splash water on his face, he looks up into the mirror and sees Bone Thugs N Harmony singing ominously, "Foe da love of money."
He calls Beltran, first thing they exclaim in unison, "You had the same dream?!?!?"

This Time We're Gonna Win

(Would have embedded this, but it cut off the right side, and it deserves better.)

Killin's as easy as breathin'.

Awesome Wedding DJ Gets Super-Down with Phil Collins

When you're feeling it, you're feeling it.

Don Fabio Capello and the Return of Jose Mourinho in Puppet Form

Got this image posted at eplTalk.com today in a piece by Jesse Chula about England's World Cup squad selection.

Also, absolutely fantastic news reported by eplTalk that "Special 1 TV" featuring Jose Mourinho, Wayne Rooney and Sven Goran-Eriksson in puppet form hosting an absurd talk show, is returning with new episodes this summer. Puppets make me laugh, going back to the days of "Spitting Image."

Basement Jaxx "Where's Yoru Head At?" Sample of Gary Newman "M.E."

Color me naive, but I'm always shocked when to hear the source sample of ill beats. Always figured more work went into it than just speeding it up and fucking with the EQ (whatever that is, but apparently Dre broke new ground with EQ on "Aint Nuthing but A G Thang")
Here's Gary Numan's "M.E." the source for the massive Basement Jaxx banger "Where's Your Head At?" The breakbeat is the essence of hip-hop while the bass is stone cold.

Beautiful But Mandatory New New York State License Plate

It's been a general downhill slide for New York State license plates, from the simple orange-with-blue lettering of the late 70's/80's to the white-with-Statue-of-Liberty-in-the-middle of the 90's to the bland hard-to-see montage/mish-mash of images that's in current use.

New York State is now forcibly fazing in these beauties over the next two years. The color scheme is a tad-off, looking more like West Virginia or Michigan, but the use of color is heartily applauded, nothing is more anonymous or bland on the road than white.

Of course, this being New York State, the plate's introduction is being used as an excuse for revenue generation. In a time of great economic duress, rising taxes and fees, all drivers will be required to purchase the new plates when their registration comes up, with an extra fee to keep your current number. Stay Classy, Governor Shelly Sil---er, Patterson.

Download Free World Cup eBook featuring Simon Kuper, Tommy Smyth, Rebecca Lowe and others

 Including cover artwork by yours truly. Free downloadable e-book available at eplTalk.com
Remember,

Ron Isley and Keith Sweat Mother's Day in el Bronx, Drogba and Ronaldo are Hottt in Vanity Fair, and UK Tory Leader David Cameron Looks Like a Fish in a Condom

Putting the Va-Va-Voom back in Va-Va-Various. More Rando than Rondo. Disparate Delights.
---

First up, good to see that disrespected and unappreciated legend Ron "Mr. Biggs" Isley is out of prison and back performing. He'll be bringing it this Mother's Day Sunday alongside Keith "Let's" Sweat at the Paradise Theater on the Grand Concourse in the Boogie Down Bronx. Frankly, Isley & Sweat deserve to be crooning their bangers somewhere more bigtime, but hey:

Who can love you like me? (nobody) Who can sex you like me? (nobody) Who can treat you like me now, baby (nobody) Nobody, baby (nobody) And who can do it like me? (nobody) And who can give you what you need? (nobody) Who can do you all night long? (nobody) Nobody, baby (nobody)

And if you need to chill the fuck out on a Friday afternoon, here's Ron, Ernie (the master) and the rest of the Bros. taking you on a Voyage to Atlantis. Just wait for that opening riff. Wait for it.....there it is....ahhhhhh....

-------

 Speaking of ahhhhh, here's the new Vanity Fair. Didier Drogba and Cristiano Ronaldo, letting it all hang out. Helllllloooooo, Sailor! Quite the contrast here. Drogba, frankly, looks uncomfortable, maybe cuz his Frank isn't up Ronadlo's Portuguese  Pepperoni. Poor job by VF here. With this kinda manmeat they could have produced some real amazing pics. But the lack of context, gray drapes in a studio with two studs wearing briefs/70's swimtrunks, makes the whole shebang cheap and contrived. Get them poolside!

--------

 The U.K. held their election on Thursday. Two things to admire about their system; the campaign lasted 4 weeks and third parties, as well as fourth and fifth, actually have a say. Worth mentioning again that almost every democracy in the world is a parliamentary democracy. It's just us and Mexico enjoying our State rights. Fuck Thomas Jefferson. Alexander Hamilton gave us the Post, 'nuff said. 

Anyhoo, in the UK, no party achieved a majority, resulting in a "Hung Parliament." Raunchy. 

The Conservatives are led by David Cameron, a slimy, P.R.-created modern machine. A cartoonist named Steve Bell savaged Cameron with this cartoon, comparing him to a fish wrapped in a condom:

 

Starting Lineup NFL Action Figures

Submit nicknames better than Offerballs, win a No-Prize.

 Even Mini-Bernie's plastic dome is greasy. The dude in the middle looks like Bob Golic from Saved by the Bell. Maybe it is.

Ingenious Insurance Scheme for Paris Metro Fare Beaters; Lignes gratuites

The fine for evading the fare on Paris' Metro system is 72 euros, or around $94. Methods include jumping high to tap an exit sensor, slipping in behind paying custies (suckers), or good old-fashioned turnstile hopping. Some smart Parisienne hustling monsieurs ("I, how you say, stay on my grizz-lay") have banded together to put together an insurance scheme. Each member chips in around $7 beans a month, should that member get busted, his fine is covered in full.

Sure beats having to pretend one is taking a gnarly dump on the LIRR like some fine-feathered members of our croo.

Then there is L.A., which all but begs you to not pay. You see, there are turnstiles, but they are not locked. You may enter as you please. One must have a ticket on you at all times and be prepared to show a valid ticket if asked by a random inspector on the rails. But as Coups and I learned after a looooong day of subway travel in and around downtown L.A., aint no one getting all up in your bizness asking for no papers. This aint Arizona. 

Hey Who Dat Is?

I bet that's just my baby daddy.
(This can never be posted enough.)

Trey Songz Blowing Up the Radio with "Say Ahh" and "I Invented Sex"

Like Uatu the Watcher it is only my duty to observe, not judge or interfere. So I must report that Trey Songz aka Radio Killer aka Trigga is absolutely blowing shit up right now, dominating the airwaves with 2 str8 club-bangrrrz simultaneously, "Say Aaaah" and "I invented Sex."

Lyrics worthy of a Sam Boomz in his prime:

Go girl its ya birthday
Open wide I know you're thirsty
Say ahhh  (hey)
Say ahhh
And we don't buy no drinks at the bar
Pop champagne cause we got that dough
Let me hear you say ahhh

Shorty dance like a video vixen
Said her man be on that bullshit pimpin
Well I retired from the bull like Pippen
Try to get you home or would you be Marge Simpson
Whip out front we can leave like pronto
Maple leave glass got you feeling like Toronto
Make your body rise like your puffing on a joint though
Girl that's only if you want tho
Since we in the club for now
Might as well get another round
I notice it aint nothing in your cup
So get here baby let me fill it up
Also, here's a blind G named "Arnauz" who looks like Levar Burton from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and "Reading Rainbow" interpreting the genius of Trey Songz via Yamaha keyboard. 

FOX Baseball Blackout Policy is Foul and Depraved.

L.A. Stickball Opening day 2010 got off to a late start this past Saturday as Coachette, Coups and myself attended the Lincecum stifling of the Dodgers in the early afternoon. What began with bemusement at seeing the 0-0 Mets-Cards score on Dodger Stadium's incredibly janky O.O.T.S. (out-of-town scoreboard) turned into confused horror as we checked the blackberry for updates betwixt sticks at-bats.

After I suffered a 1-0 loss in 7 we rushed to a sports bar, the lovely Sports Harbour in MDR to catch the game. Tv's everywhere, showing only K.G. throwing bows and Kings-'Nucks. I meekly asked the bar wench to put on FOX and was met with confused stares as a Married.....with Children episode was on. Patiently, she scrolled through all the MLB Extra Innings and even the MLB mix channel before it dawned on Coups......the game was blacked out in L.A.!! The long-over Dodgers-Giants was the regional FOX game, which precluded the Mets-Cards epic from being shown anywhere out hrrr. So even subscribers who had shelled out for the MLB Extra Innings package in L.A. couldn't watch!

If Coups and I had gone back to my place after sticks we could have easily caught the game on any number of shady streams. (one of which infected my computer thus forcing me to write this post from Coachette's Macbook complete with lack of right mouse click -ugh-). But still, if you can't catch a regular season game in a bar in the 21st century well, then I don't know what to say about your sport.

Ike Davis is the next Pedro Martinez?

Baseball America ranked Ike Davis #62 on its 2010 Top 100 Prospect list.

Without commentary, I present the #62's from each of BA's previous lists:

Gorkys Hernandez, of, Braves
Carlos Triunfel ss, Mariners
Jeff Clement, c, Mariners
Troy Patton, lhp, Astros
James Loney, 1b, Dodgers
Bobby Jenks rhp, Angels
Clint Everts, rhp, Expos
Brad Wilkerson, of, Expos
Alex Cintron, ss, Diamondbacks
Pablo Ozuna, 2b/ss, Marlins
Junior Herndon, rhp, Padres
Damian Jackson, ss, Reds
Ben Petrick, c, Rockies
Mike Drumright, rhp, Tigers
Ron Villone, lhp, Mariners
Kurt Miller, rhp, Marlins
Pedro Martinez, rhp, Dodgers
Alex Gonzalez, ss, Blue Jays
Carlos Garcia, ss, Pirates
Wilfredo Cordero, ss, Expos

Chillaxin After A Tuff Day

Props to this tumblr site featuring my mans and them.

The Hammock District

It's on 3rd. Couldn't stop in- may not have made it out.

The Bridge Is Over

I transport more weight than the Florida Keys.

New York Mets Uniform Changes for 2011

 MetsBlog and Uniwatch reported that the Mets are considering removing the piping from their jerseys for 2011. Took a stab at envisioning what they would look like sans blue piping. Meh.

Get Comfortable, Brah

Built-in 30 SPF so you don't ruin your fake tan with a real tan.

Amusements

Circa-1900 magazine articles asking what would happen if insects were huge (answer: bad things).

Overheard and seen in L.A.

Photo by Coachette at the corner of Slauson and Crenshaw, for Woody's BBQ.
----
Saturday, 9 AM, Temescal Canyon Park; two middle-aged men strolling clutching large cups of Starbucks Coffee.
"You know, I'm turning 40! I need to get married."
"huh-huh, having a mid-life crisis eh?"
"I'm serious, it's just something I need to do."

I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City lately (yeah? so?), it's exactly what Charlotte announced before hurriedly marrying Trey. 
----

I watched the Braves-Giants game Sunday night to peep Tim Lincecum get nasty. The Giants hosted a reunion of their 2000 NL West winning team. At one point during the game, Jeff Kent joined the broadcast booth. He donned a Lincecum wig, then explained, in a comment sure to infuriate stat-geeks, that he tells young players wherever he goes, "The Money lies in the R.B.I.'s."

Whether it's true or not, it's a beautiful sentence. Say it out loud, repeat it as if it were an 'ohm' like mantra. The Money Lies in the R.B.I.s-The Money Lies in the R.B.I.'s-The Money Lies in the R.B.I.'s"

post script: Jeff Kent earned more than $86 million in his career and finished with 1,518 R.B.I.'s. The probable Hall of Famer was traded for Carlos "Cabeza" Baerga and Alvaro Espinoza.

Sunset Over ChiTown

The Old Ballfield

Playing around to create some "panoramic" shots:

Nic Cage's Bel Air Mansion Put Up For Foreclosure Sale

"The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul."

"And man shall be just that for the ubermensch: a laughingstock or a painful embarrassment…"

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."   

Who wants to buy Nic Cage's house? (No one.)

He had asked for $35 million and had found no takers. At the foreclosure it was put up for bid for $10 million but still no bites. Such were/are his money woes that he had six different mortgages on the house. The interior is described as "fascinating and bizarre" (compliments in my book). Unique touches include 300 comic book covers elaborately framed and hanging on the walls, a model train set on raised tracks a couple feet below the ceiling that circles the inside of the breakfast room and two bedrooms, a central "entertainment" tower, custom wine cellar, 35-seat home theater, six bedrooms, nine bathrooms and an Olympic-size pool. Former owners include Dean Martin and Tom Jones, so it's seen a lot of partying.

Rumble Fish, Raising Arizona, Moonstruck, Honeymoon in Vegas, Leaving Las Vegas, The Rock, Face/Off.

Where did it all go wrong? Oh yeah..."Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah Oh no-my eyes! My eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!"

(Random side note: Neil LaBute, who directed In the Company of Men, directed the aforementioned Wicker Man remake and directed the upcoming Chris Rock/Martin Lawrence banger Death at a Funeral).