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Mike "Big Fucking Pelf" Pelfrey Has Been Pitching, Poorly, for the New York Mets Since 2006

Career

49

50

4.35

459

1.44

Career

49

50

4.35

459

1.44

I realize Pelf had little to do with the outcome of this one, but still.

An Important Met Memorandum from the Desk of Fred Coupon: Jason "Baynilla" Bay Easily Trumps Bobby "I'll Show You the Bronx" Bonilla as the Worst Mets Free-Agent Signing of All Time

It's not even close really. Bobby Bo, for all his off-the-field crap, wasn't that terrible. Of course, if the Mets hadn't signed Bonilla, they coulda maybe been in the market for Barry Bonds, but whatevs. Keep a keen eye on tonight's Met broadcast to see Freddy Coups waving the awesome sign above in the stands.

Who Was The Shittiest Mets Closer of Them All?

I was always a little partial cuz of our shared name.

What if we implanted the desire to blow a close game....in his dreams???

I didn't make this one, but I found and decided I couldn't do better for a Braden Looper image. He's Peter Criss by the way. And by the way, time may have forgotten that double blown save against Pittsburgh, but I haven't.

quick quiz, a picture of a random Met fan from the upper deck or Met closer and son of Sanitation Worker John Franco?

misunderstood, but not by Paul O'Neill.

Das Racist: Biased Umpires Don't Call Strikes Strikes

Freakonomics dudes posit that umpires are hate-hate-hatin. 

Baseball can easily solve this problem by replacing the home plate umpire with dogs with bees in their mouths that shoot tiny lasers that form a strike zone for each batter.

Is it worth 75 cents to see Mike Pelfrey Take the Mound For the Mets at Dodger Stadium?

Well, 70 cents, or could splurge on an 88 cent seat. No thanks. 

Iman Mohamed Abdulmajid and Iman Shumpert: Is it bad when your team's draft pick shares the first name with one of the world's most beautiful supermodels?

I don't have an answer, but at least Iman Shumpert is a fun name to say.

Well, thanks for all the memories, "Teflon" Donnie Walsh. What a legacy, what a rebuilding job. By this time next year, with no draft pick in 2012 thanks to the brilliant Tracy McGrady trade, Carmelo's gonna be looking around at Amare limping around on gimpy needs, Iman Shumpert, Landry "Furds" Fields and start begging for a trade to Brooklyn.

I made this two years ago, everyone pictured is still involved with their respective team, and each team is still mediocre. Co-inky-dink?

Your Predictions for the 2011 New York Mets

For all of 2010's crap, the Mets actually finished with 79 wins, so I figured they can't be as bad as last year, but then you take another look at that rotation, and realize that Reyes will be gone and that Santana won't be back, and, well, I say 75-87.

What say you?

Kinda Sorta Lookalikes, It's All About the Cheekbones

Should the Yankees Trade for Johan Santana?

photoshop credit: Tirico Suave

By Al K. Mza, unable to post directly:

Should the Yankees trade for Johan?

Think about it, Wilpons are broke, he’s due to make 20 mill plus over next three seasons, and Yankees need pitching depth. How about one of the Yankees catcher prospects, plus a minor league/draft pick poopoo platter for getting Santana’s obligation off the Amazins? Brian Cashman has swayed away from these mega signings in the last few years, but what if Johan comes back healthy and CC opts out at the end of this season? At the very least it would make Suzyn Waldman go insane. This isn’t a crazy idea is it?

Joel Sherman is a Genius

There's no doubt that every non-NFL league could do with some contraction. It's not that there is not enough talent to stock all these basketball, baseball and hockey teams, it's that there are too many teams for fans to follow. In the NFL, it doesn't matter if your team doesn't make the playoffs or gets knocked out early, fans will watch football regardless of whether their team is in it. Not so for the other three sports. A Dodger fan may not watch a Phillies-Reds NLCS, for example.

These sports need teams in nationally televised playoff games that the casual fan will care about. Too often, expansion teams are in markets that can't support themselves let alone get a fan from another city interested in. When a teams like the Arizona Diamondbacks or Carolina Hurricanes or Orlando Magic make it to championship series, casual fans don't care. If those teams didn't exist, then there's a better chance that franchises from cities that casual fans do care about will appear in the big games.

Joel Sherman, in today's Post, has an great idea for how to achieve baseball contraction. He proposes that the Oakland A's and Tampa Rays get shut down, and then have A's owner Lew Wolff take over the financially troubled L.A. Dodgers and have Rays owner Stu Sternberg take over the Mets. It's worth a read and worth consideration. No casual fan would blink if the A's and Rays were to go away.

The New York Mets 2011 Season Marketing Slogan: So After the Laughter I Guess Comes the Tearz

The Mets put out a bummer of a survey last week.
Followed by an even sadder commercial. The rap response: After the laughter, comes tearz. The rock response: Sad But True.

Happy Thanksgiving New York Sports Fans! (Who aren't fans of the Yankees)

Gobble-Gobble, Knick, Ranger, Met and Islander fans. No hope, no future.

Schtee Dump

A beautiful cross-section of subway life by Sam Boomz.

Because 5 hours of energy is for fucking pussies.

King Felix for Cy Young and Johan Can'tana for 2nd in 2008! Also, Kenny Loggins Will Heat Your Home This Winter for Free

The only drama in the A.L. this season seems to be over whether the Cy Young should go to C.C. Sabathia or Felix Hernandez. C.C.'s got 20 wins for a team that slept-walked through this season while Felix has only got 12 for a team almost 40 games under .500. It seems like it should be widely accepted, for many reasons, that wins are a terrible stat to judge a pitcher by. But I guess it's not since C.C.'s got a lot of support, despite Felix' lower E.R.A., higher innings pitched, more complete games, lower W.H.I.P., and well, let's just say Felix is better in every pitching category save wins and pinstripes worn (which could be rectified soon I suppose).
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 In 2008, Johan Santana went sported a 2.53 E.R.A. and finished third, third, in the National League Cy Young voting. Brandon Webb won 22 games that year, the only category he bested Johan in. Santana was a beast that year, highlighted by his complete game shutout on the penultimate day of that pitiful Met season. He should have been neck-and-neck with my boy Tim Lincecum for the award itself that year not staring up at Brandon fucking Webb. Sure it's bitter of me, but it'd be nice to see a Met win an award once in awhile.
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Winter is nearly upon us, if you're worried about your heating bill fret no more. Simply place this Kenny Loggins album in the center of the room you wish heated and feeeeeeeeeel the glow.

Meet the 2011 Mets, The Same as the 2010 Mets aka B.O.H.I.C.A.

Let's take a guess at the 2011 Mets and see if we can get pumped.
C: Josh Thole
1B: Ike Davis
2B: Luis Castillo (perhaps sprinkled with .200 hitter Ruben Tejada)
SS: Jose Reyes
3B: David Wright
LF: Jason Bay (considering the Met history with concussions, Ryan Church, David Wright, Bay, etc, shouldn't the team be trailblazers and mandate that they all use the new Gazoo-type helmet that will protect players significantly better? Bay suffered his in the field, but still)
CF: Carlos Beltran aka Carblows Blowtran
RF: Angel Pagan
Rotation:
1. Johan Santana aka Blowhan Can'tana whenever he returns next spring, certainly not in April.
2. Jon Niese
3. Mike Pelfrey aka Big Fucking Pelf aka Fucking Big Pelf
4. R.A. Dickey; who has, at the very least, earned a shot at starting again next year but really, how can he keep this up?
5. P.P. Scrapheapo (the P.P.  is for poo-poo)
Closer: Bobby Parnell?
Manager: Someone cheap yet able to energize the chump fan base aka Lee Mazzilli
Sprinkle a couple of retread reclamation bench players and there you go. Not much to get pumped for, eh?

Give Us Something, Anything.

 Another lost season for the Mets, but does it have to to be completely lost? Can't we get a glimmer of hope for next season? First start this past Saturday for Jenrry Mejia, and surprise, it sucked. What's on tap for 2011? More mediocrity, more meaningless games by the break.

Still waiting for a homegrown Met pitcher to be halfway decent (fuck you Big Pelf).

Darryl Strawberry Left His Heart in Los Angeles

But now he's living in Chelsea, for only $5,300 a month! Also, he's 48 years old. Why'd he move to New York? To open Strawberry's Sports Grill, in Douglaston, one of those rare places where you can get a burger and watch the big game on a big flatscreen.

Take This Take This, Hold This Hold This, How Do You Pitch?; Also, Chicks Dig The Long Ball

The Daily Snooze takes a momentary break from inducing slumber to droppp this ill slideshow of ill baseball grips. Worth a peep except they include R.A. Dickey and Tommy "I'm Not Devastated" Glavine for some reason.
Would love to see a similar photo essay for our stickball grips. The Miz and I could fill a book by ourselves, I imagine that Cannatar, the Biz and Bryman have boring tradish grips.
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Big Fucking Pelf or Fuck Big Pelf?

It was, ohhh, about 15 years ago when The Biz, The Miz and I had our infamous debate over 'za and 15 cups of soda in the back of that free refill pizza place by Stuy. The Miz argued that a young stud named Andy Pettitte would turn out better than Jason Isringhausen. -pshaw-Biz and I scoffed. We're still waiting for a good homegrown pitcher, and for that soda to finish working its way through our system.
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Here's a site named The 7 line that will amuse you with Mets-themed shirts.
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Here's the first image from Moneyball;