Coupon & Cannatar on THE END

Cannatar -
Bad: Winter arrives 5 months early - it's July 21 and the Mets' season is pretty much over. The Mets are in 4th place, 9 games out of first. They're tied for 8th in the Wild Card hunt, 6.5 games behind the leader.

Good: Most of this lousy season can be blamed on injuries (Reyes, Beltran, Delgado), as opposed to poor performances. So, maybe things will be better in 2010.

Bad: Carlos Beltran is one of the most important players on the team and his injury prognosis looks bad. He's probably going to need knee surgery, which could mess with his ability to play centerfield effectively.

Bad: The two healthy stars on the team have both provided good overall production (.874 OPS for Wright, 2.92 ERA for Johan), but there's still reason to worry about serious performance declines. Wright is hitting far fewer homers than he ever has before (5 so far after averaging 30 per season over the last 3 years) and is also striking out way more often. Wright's K rate per season: 19.7%, 19.4%, 19.0%, 18.8%, 26.5%! Over his last 9 starts, Johan has 4.9 Ks per 9 innings along with 3.0 walks. His ERA over that span is 4.24.

Bad: Even when a team is having a terrible year, you can usually find one or two bright spots, something that gives fans a little bit of hope for the following year. Is there a single player on the Mets who we feel better about going into 2010 than we did coming into 2009? All I can think of is Pedro Feliciano, which is pretty slim pickings. Coming into 2009, our corner outfielders were Ryan Church and Daniel Murphy. Church was never a star, but at least we had an expectation of average production. Murphy gave a lot of fans (and front office members) hope that he'd be a .300 hitter. Now, Church is gone and it's clear Murphy's 2008 performance was a fluke. What's our outfield in 2010? Sheffield will be 41. Francouer is worthless. So, add RF and LF to our list of holes for 2010.

Conclusion: It's really, really hard to put any kind of positive spin on the team's current situation.

Fred Coupon -
The worst part about this particular lost season is that there aren't even that many pieces to peddle in trades for prospects. As a lefty specialist, Pedro Feliciano will be in demand (I predict White Sox), and both Gary Sheffield and Brian Schneider could be useful for some contenders, but that's it. One question is, will Omar even make these trades possibly knowing he could be fired at the end of the season? It seems unlikely now, but how will the Wilpons respond to empty seats in August -save for the 1969 reunion game- and September and total indifference from the media?

And if Omar is canned, do we have any confidence the Wilpons will hire the right type of general manager? Someone with an appreciation for sabermetrics and a broader vision than Omar's which involved patching up one hole at a time in the organizational dyke? On that note, almost every employee in the organization needs to go, from every scout, instructor, doctor, to even the people who run the ballpark. Of course, a complete reboot -including ownership- would be best, but that's not happening. I don't even know what to make of this offseason. As you've stated there are several voids all over the field, and judging by the success of Omar's recent callups, the prospects in low-A ball don't look promising at all.


Cannatar -
You're right - there's pretty much nothing for the Mets to trade right now. Maybe a B-level prospect for Sheffield. Or Feliciano, but he could still be a useful part of the 2010 bullpen. Unless there are really bad injury situations with the stars, I think the offseason will be about filling holes to make another run at the division. If the Mets can spend enough money to put average players at 1B, LF, RF, then they probably have enough support for Johan/Beltran/Reyes/Wright/K-Rod. It's not a surefire solution, but it seems much more likely than just imploding the team.

And no, I have absolutely no confidence in the Wilpons. If they fire Omar, they'll probably just promote some incompetent like Tony Bernazard instead of bringing in someone who would actually shake things up. They really need to bring someone in with experience from a better front office.

This is one of those moments when I question why I even root for the team anymore. Am I really going to spend the rest of my life rooting for a team owned by the Wilpons?

Fred Coupon -
Now I've poked fun at the Wilpons' judgment in the past, but if they promote Bernazard, I'm going to make it my life's mission to oust them. I actually do feel some guilt ripping into a family that probably means well, but just has no foresight or common sense. They seem to strive to be the 'anti-Yankees' in that they will not relentlessly (and sometimes recklessly) spend money to get the best available talent, in both the major league and developmental levels. It is very proper they cling to the Brooklyn Dodgers, because they embody the spirit of a second-rate team in a big city.

As far as rebuilding the team goes, you just ask for average players at 1B, LF and RF. That's going to require some draft picks. So sad no one from the minors can earn an everyday job or barely keep up a platoon role. Fernando Martinez should've been dealt before his latest injury, because he's just another name on the Met outfield bust list (Murphy, Milledge, Escobar, Jefferies, etc).

Cannatar -
The draft pick issue is a bit less of a concern this year because the Mets will most likely be among the top 15 teams in the draft next year, which will mean that they can't lose their first pick.

I think it's a little early to add F-Mart to the bust list. He's still only 20! He's the youngest position player in all of MLB. He's 2 years younger than top outfield rookies Colby Rasmus, Dexter Fowler, and Andrew McCutchen. I'm not promising results, but it's way too early to write him off.

Maybe the worst post-Omar scenario is that Jeff Wilpon takes more control of personnel decisions and they go back to the committee approach of the Jim Duquette year.

"Who are these guys?"

(sung to Don McLean's "American Pie")

Oh, and when we went down to Citi
Wanted Mets what a pity,
Got a shrine to Jackie,
Where’s Nails and Mookie?
And while Louie’s drop was a disgrace,
Ryan Church missed third base,
And Murphy fell flat on his face.
The day the season died.

I started bloggin’
Hey hey, who are these guys?
From Cora, Murphy and now Frenchy,
And Frenchy’s got no eye.
Those good players were stuck in the MRI
And singin’ I could get that RBI.
I could get that RBI.

Lord's

Cricket's fiercest and oldest international rivalry, England v. Australia, resumes this summer. The two sides first fought in 1877, and now meet every two years or so to compete for "The Ashes." The two sides battle through a five-test series (each test lasts a maximum of five days) with England's final partnership stoically holding out at the death for a dramatic draw in the first test last week in Cardiff, Wales. (with a little help from a pleasantly-plump physio).


And just today, England defeated Australia at the famous Lord's Cricket Ground in London for the first time since 1934 to put them up 1-0 with three to play. I recently read a history of this ground, "Lord's: The Cathedral of Cricket" by Stephen Green and have scanned in some images of historical note:

Graham Gooch in 1993.

The pavilion at Lord's.

An aerial view of Lord's, Regent's Park and London.

Love the smirk of Mohinder Amarnath in this shot taken after India's 1983 Cricket World Cup victory. (One-Day Format)

A sport so genteel it may be played in a top hat and bow tie.

Terrific action shot from the 2nd Centenary Test in 1980.

The touring Aussie team of 1878 looking like, well, ummm, convicts.

A typical cap worn by the England team during the 1930s. Baseball teams also wore short-brimmed caps in the early days. Cricketeers, such as current Aussie captain Ricky Ponting, still rock the short-brims today.

The suave Pakistani team of 1954. Or an ad for the many uses of Brylcreem.

The snazzy looking Australian team of 1921, well, save for the porker in the upper left.

The M.C.C. touring team of 1926, featuring the future Prime Minister Alec Douglas-Home.

Baseball was played at Lord's in 1917 during the First World War.

This is W.G. Grace in a painting from 1890, who played from 1865 until 1908 and is considered one of the all-time greats. Grace dominated with both the bat and the ball as did Babe Ruth in this early career. Save for the beard a helmet and a sponsor's logo on the shirt, he would not look out of place in the crease today.

By 1880, the county cricket clubs around England had developed their own distinct identities, as seen in this drawing from 1880.

Here is an early drawing of one of the first All-England teams from the 1830's. From the start the sport was played in all-whites, a tradition that continues only in Test cricket today.

Here we see the interlocking letters of the Marylebone Cricket Club, in their "bacon-and-egg" colors. The club was responsible for codifying the laws of cricket and are the original inhabitants of Lord's and the keeper of the Ashes.

The three remaining tests may be followed by reading the over-by-over report at the Guardian, listening to BBC Radio, or viewing live streams through various shady web sites. American cricket is covered well at thecrickettier.com, and cricketwithballs.com has done a bang-up job covering the Ashes through posts and podcasts.

King Felix

Felix Hernandez received a lot of hype when he first arrived in the majors, but it seemed that he never quite lived up to the lofty expectations. Until now. So far in 2009, he's sporting a 2.53 ERA, a 9-3 record, and a K/BB ratio of over 3-to-1. He's behind only Greinke and Halladay in the Cy Young conversation.

The thing about Felix that's very easy to forget is that he's still really young. He turned 23 shortly after Opening Day. He'd almost been written him off as a disappointing, merely good pitcher before many people his age had even started their big league careers. Felix has pitched 791 innings in the majors, with a fairly impressive 3.60 ERA. He's a few months older than Phil Hughes. He's younger than Joba Chamberlain, David Price, and Clay Buchholz. He's two years younger than Jon Lester; two-and-a-half years younger than Edwin Jackson. He's younger than rookie-of-the-year candidates Ricky Romero, J.A. Happ, and Brad Bergesen.

'86 Mets

1. Funny segment from the Daily Show about Lenny Dykstra's financial acumen.

2. Good article in the New York Observer about Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez, and Ron Darling.

3. Gary Carter has a blog and is an idiot. For his mid-season awards, he gives the NL Cy Young to Trevor Hoffman. Trevor Hoffman!?! I'm not expecting Carter to do any advanced analysis, but could he have taken 5 minutes to take a look at the league leaders before making his absurd decision? Both Dan Haren (2.01 ERA, with a shot at the first ERA under 2 since Clemens in '05) and Tim Lincecum (2.33, 10-2, 149 Ks) are worthy candidates. Hoffman hasn't even been the best closer in the league. Heath Bell, Ryan Franklin, and Francisco Cordero all have more saves, less blown saves, and lower ERAs.

Can't Wear Skinny Jeans Cuz....

Awhile back, an out-of-touch Hov declared his disdain for skinny jeans on the blaze (no thanks to him) banger "Swagger Like Us."

At last nite's All-Star Game, we learned that the Big O aka The Leader of the Free World shares the Marcy Maestro's hate.

Take a gander at his ghastly ensemble. Saggy, shapeless Levis that descend shamefully down his lengthy gams only to end abruptly above his ankles. But of course! All the better to showcase those crispy white kicks. And that crease!!!! Does he iron his jeans? Are his jeans....pleated?????

It's.....it's all too Seinfeld-ian.

And if he was going for the common man look he should have gone with Lee's. In fact, he should have just rocked Jorts.

Many others have picked up on the Obama-Seinfeld parallel, including the Huffington Post and the NY Times. He wears his suits fairly baggy as well. Which makes sense, considering he came of age amidst the shoulder-padded excess of the 80's. But does the change he stands for stop at his wardrobe?

Followup on Competitive Imbalance

Just to be clear - I wasn't after any particular conclusions about how we should feel about payroll imbalance. I just thought it was worth looking at the numbers to see the impact of disparate payrolls.

In the comments to the post, Coachie made a list of franchises that have had some success over the last 10 years and whose fans should be happy, including "Mets(debatable)." I think that he and I (and most fans) consider recent Mets history to be somewhat disappointing reflects how much we already take competitive imbalance into account.

Granted, the last 2 seasons have been very frustrating for Mets fans, but by most objective measures, the Mets have been successful over the last decade: 84 wins per season, 3 playoff appearances, 3 NLCS appearances, 1 World Series appearance.

A big part of the reason Mets fans are frustrated is that we realize that with the payroll the team has, they should be doing even better. My rough formula indicates that a team with the Mets payroll should've won 87 games per season and had 4.6 playoff appearances over the last 10 seasons.

Here's a spreadsheet listing all 30 teams, their actual wins per season & playoff appearances over the last 10 years, and their expected wins & playoff appearances based only on payroll. I think the list jibes pretty well with general opinions about which franchises are run well and which are run poorly.

Here's the top and bottom 5 in Actual Wins minus Expected Wins (per season):
OAK 14
MIN 8
STL 7
ATL 6
FLA 5
---
PIT -5
TBR -6
KCR -8
DET -9
BAL -10

Competitive Imbalance

Last week, Cleveland Frowns wrote in defense of the Tribe's manager and GM based on the extra hurdles small-market teams face in MLB. Both THT's Shysterball and my colleague Coachie Ballgames (I hope they'll both excuse this over-simplification of their arguments) responded with evidence that competitive balance in MLB is comparable to the NBA and the NFL. I think that's a bit beside the point. It may or may not be easier to build a dynasty in other sports, but the issue is whether those dynasties are the result of inherent unfairness resulting from the league's rules (or lack of rules). I think the payroll disparity in MLB speaks for itself - unless we think all these teams are getting no value for their money, it's obvious that certain teams have a large advantage. Shysterball and Coachie both also pointed out the obvious examples of small-market teams who have had recent success, but just because teams like the A's and Rays have had success doesn't mean that we should ignore the disadvantage that they and all the other poor teams are fighting against.

Let's imagine for a second an alternative universe where MLB pools all revenues and has a hard salary cap. Bizarro MLB realizes that they make a lot more money on games played in New York than on games played in Tampa Bay. So, they decide that all the big market teams will play 100 games at home and all the small market teams will play 60 games at home (and let's assume that there'd be some kind of similar breakdown in the playoffs). Obviously, this would give the big market teams an advantage because home teams win about 55% of the time in baseball. But some small market teams would still succeed because the advantage wouldn't be huge - assuming that 55% rate, big market teams would win an average of 83 games and small market teams would win 79 games. Even though the edge would be small, we'd all recognize the basic unfairness.

How does that compare to what currently goes on in MLB? Here's my attempt at figuring out how big an edge the rich teams have had - I collected three pieces of data for each franchise for the last 10 years: payroll, wins, and playoff appearances. The 10 highest payroll teams have averaged 86.6 wins per season and 4.5 playoff appearances over the last 10 seasons. The 10 middle payroll teams have averaged 80.7 wins and 2.1 playoff appearances. The bottom 10 payroll teams (which include the very successful A's and Twins) averaged 75.8 wins and 1.4 playoff appearances. Each of the top 10 teams has at least one playoff appearance (Texas is the only one without two) and 8 of the 10 have winning records (Texas and the Cubs are the exceptions). 4 of the bottom 10 teams have failed to make the playoffs at all, while another 3 have only one appearance each. Three of the teams have averaged less than 70 wins a season; only 3 have more wins than the Rangers, the worst of the rich teams.
I don't think there's any way to look at this data and conclude that payroll doesn't make a significant difference in teams' ability to compete.

{For stats nerds - for this sample, the the coeffiecient of determination (r-squared) for payroll and wins is .47, which means that 47% of winning percentage can be predicted by payroll; for playoff appearances, it's 50%.}
Image above courtesy of Coachie Ballgames.

Mad Dog "Unleashed"

Deadspin comes throo with coverage of Mad Dog's inevitable on-air meltdown.

We all knew when the Francesa-Mad Dog breakup went down who the winner would be. Francesa floats on, with the #1 sports talk show in the #1 spors market in the country. Mad Dog wallows in the numbing obscurity of satellite radio, joining my once-beloved Howard Stern in the great beyond. Notice how the whole Artie Lange bruhaha on Joe Buck's HBO show was pretty much the only Stern-related story we've heard in the mainstream since Stern fled terrestial?

At least Stern had legit reasons for fleeing, what with the FCC on its fine-inducing witchhunt. But Mad Dog, well, he broke up Hall & Oates, he broke up Sipowicz & Kelly, he broke up Lennon & McCartney, he broke up Turner & Hooch, Cloak & Dagger, he broke up Ike & Tina, well, you get the picture.

You know what they say, he who laffs last dines on Veal Francese with a Diet Coke.

Failcoeur

Omar Minaya: “This had nothing to do with not liking Ryan Church, but, one thing we like about Francoeur is the amount of games he plays.”

I hope that amount will be zero.

Image swiped from Talking Chop.

Ballgames Are Expensive?

For some reason, one of my pet peeves is news stories about how expensive MLB games are. The AP published such an article today. The author quotes a Florida woman whose two boys are fans of the Rays:

"You go to the ballpark and get a hot dog and a Coke and the tickets and maybe a little souvenir and it’s prohibitively expensive,” she said. “Taking the kids to an old-fashioned ballgame is a major vacation.”

Look, I don't know what this woman's monthly budget is and it's probably none of my business, but the author of the article is implying that it is in fact expensive to take your family to a Rays game. Why couldn't the author follow up this quote with the actual cost for a budget-conscious family to attend a game?

A quick glance at the Rays website reveals that tickets for this Sunday's game are available for $11.50, including service charge. Kids will receive a Carl Crawford bobblehead doll and will be able to run the bases after the game, which is a pretty awesome double promotion. According to the Rays website, the team allows fans to bring their own food and water. Parking for Rays games is $15, but the fee is waived if the car holds 4 or more people. So, a family of 4 can attend a Sunday afternoon Rays game for $46 plus the cost of making some bologna sandwiches at home and bringing some bottles of water. A single parent and lone child wouldn't be able to take advantage of the parking deal and would have to pay a total of $38 for tickets and parking. This whole thing took my about 15 minutes to research. Surely, the AP has some interns who could conduct similar research for the other 29 ballparks.

I should probably end there, but the article also has a truly ridiculous quote from Reds fan Clarence Eckstein: “Tickets, gas, food, it’s a few hundred dollars.” I don't know how many miles Mr. Eckstein is driving in a gas guzzler and I don't know how many hot dogs he consumes, so I guess it's possible that it actually costs him that much to attend a game. But, I can easily check how much it costs to attend a Reds game. There are $5 tickets available for next Friday's game. With service charge, they're $6.51. There will be a free fireworks show after the game. Baseball & fireworks for $6.51 sounds like a great deal to me. The Reds allow fans to bring their own food and soft drinks. Parking is $10.

Everybody Loves Parnell

According to Ken Rosenthal, the Mets balked at trading Bobby Parnell for Scott Hairston. Omar Minaya's not alone in his love for Parnell - 83% of MetsBlog readers wouldn't have made the trade, either.

I don't understand the infatuation with Parnell. OK, he throws really hard. That's nice. But, he's almost 25 years old and the results are lacking. Parnell has a 4.88 ERA this season. He has 26 Ks and 16 BBs in 31 innings. He has a GB/FB ratio of less than 1. All of these numbers are below average. His minor league track record isn't great, either. The last time he had an ERA under 4 for a whole season was for the Cyclones in 2005. I know he throws really hard, but what's the upside? Solid middle reliever. That's what we're clinging to?

Scott Hairston is not a superstar, but he's pretty useful as a cheap everyday player. He has an .894 OPS this season and is a strong defensive player. But, this isn't about Hairston. If Omar's getting a lot of inquiries about Parnell and thinks he can get someone better, that's fine with me. My fear is that the Mets are missing out on an opportunity to trade him while his value is at its highest. Once Parnell has a full year of crappy results under his belt, will the offers still be coming?

Props to Coachie for the images.

"Evidence of Participation"

Who is this mysterious Gator QB? And does he have a hot virtual girlfriend?

Props to former college QB Sam Keller for leading a class-action lawsuit against Electronic Arts and the N.C.A.A. for using the likenesses of college players in video games without compensation.

The N.Y. Times article quotes a Christine Plonsky, Women's Athletics Director at Texas with a hilarious defense of the practice, "[we]don’t view uses of their imagery as exploitative, but mere evidence of participation.”

Not quite sure what that even means, but considering that the games don't use the player's real names it doesn't strike me as much evidence. And if all the games are is just proof that these guys play college ball, then don't take money from EA Sports.

Would a college collect and publish for profit the most promising short stories from a freshman creative writing class, change the names of the authors, maybe use a thesaurus and change a few adjectives or two without compensating the students or crediting their "participation" by name?

Would a college put out a CD featuring the best songs from the students in its Theatre Department and change the names of the singers and musicians (maybe name the cellist 'Cellist # 7)?

Of course, the NCAA says the suit is without merit. No attack on the glorious NCAA ever has any merit. We can just continue pretending that these student-athletes are akin to the glorious Olympic philosopher-athletes of ancient Greece while pulling in dumb-dumb dollars from any source possible. And old men in the media can continue to defend the NCAA, saying that our young footballers and hoopsters need the education, need those formative years on a college campus while turning a blind eye to the borderline high-school graduates that make up the vast majority of the players in Major League Baseball, National League Hockey, professional Tennis and many Olympic sports.

Whatever Happened to Peace, Love and What's Happening?

Came across this unfortunateness in San Fran this past weekend. Heiro, were never into being gangsters. Who would peep a Heiro hoodie then kill a man to jack it? It's like shooting someone for a Grateful Dead tie-dye. Heiro is as close to hippie as hip-hop gets this side of De La Soul. Hard to get violent pumping this in your headphones.

Fool for the Cit-ay.

The Sticks.

The City.

Yesterday, Frownie raised a justifiable concern that competitive imbalance in baseball may lead to increased antipathy toward the sport. His concern centered only on championships, pointing out that mainly large markets (a difficult term to concretely define) have gotten that ring. Using the list "media markets," let's take a look at the history of the big markets, using only the criteria of championships.

1. New York:
The Yankees. Duh. But none this millenium! The Curse of Boonitez is upon them!
The Mets. 2 championships in 47 years, the most recent being 1986.
2. L.A.:
The Dodgers Usually competitive ever since the franchise swapped coasts in 1958. But their last title was in 1988.
The Angels. Lumped in with the greater L.A. area although the O.C. is its own beast. Usually competitive over its history. 1 title, won in 2002.
3. Chicago:
The Cubs. Ha.
The White Sox. Won in 2005 for the first time since 1917, which is basically winning it for the first time.
4. Philly:
The Phightins won it all last year, giving the phranchise a phat total of 2 in their entire phlengthy existence.
5. Dallas: 0-0.
6. San Fran/Oakland:
The Giants have never won a World Series in San Fran, with their last title coming back in 1954 when they were still raising hell up in Harlem. Dipset.
The A's have had a better go of it, having won 4 titles since moving to the Yay Area while usually fielding a competitive squadron.
(This is also probably the weirdest and most disparate metro area in the country. San Fran has 809, 000 people. Oakland has 397,000. Around them are numerous towns of various wealth and size, but separated by massive bays, mountains, ports, amazing burrito production and deserted beaches. Lumped together as a metro area, the Yay area lands in at 6, but it sure doesn't feel like a common metro area like the other areas on this list.)
7. Boston. A title in 2004 and a title in 2007. I forget when their last title before 2004 was.
8. Atlanta. 1 title in 1995, their only title in the Dungeon Family's home, having won in 1957 in Milwaukee and 1914 in Boston.
9. Washington. 1 title in 1924. Although not technically included in D.C.'s 'media market,' Baltimore has, until this decade, been a competitive team, last winning it all in 1983.
10. Houston. 0-1. Didn't put up much of a fight in their lone appearance in 2005.

So outside the Yanks and A's, and recently the BoSox, not much of a impressive showing for the 15 teams that comprise this top 10 media markets list. Of course, the Yanks skew everything in baseball history. But outside the Yanks, none of these teams can be said to be title hogs.

Moreover, Oakland and Dallas provide good examples of why it is hard to classify cities as big or small market. For example, Montreal would rank 5th in population if it was an American city, yet the 'Spos were never thought of as a big market.

Outside the many periods of Yankee dominance, baseball can be proud of its championship distribution. The 1980's saw a different team win every year save for the Dodgers winning twice. The 00's are shaping up similarly. Moreover, while no champ in the 00's can be said to be truly from a small media market, it would be hard to say dollars won the day with any of the champs this decade save for the Yanks, and perhaps the 04 BoSawx and 01 Dbacks.

All of this is not to say that there is not financial imbalance in baseball. However, market size is not the major indicator of success. And anyways, if championship are to be the be-all and end-all in the context of competitive balance, I think it's important to look at the amount of different champions each sport produces aka Which sport has had the most fans bases sip the sizurp?

Baseball players won the right to outright free agency in December, 1975. Since then baseball has had 32 World Serieses, producing 19 different winners. 7 teams have never won a World Series in their current city.(the Tampa Bay Rays, the Seattle Mariners, the Texas Rangers, the Houston Astros, the Colorodo Rockies, the San Diego Padres, and the San Francisco Giants). Of the remaining 23 teams, three are suffering from droughts longer than a current young man/fan's experience (30 years), the Cubs (1908), the Indians (1948) and the Senators (1924).

For comparison, there have been 34 Super Bowls since December 1975, producing 14 different winners. 12 of the NFL's 32 teams have never won an NFL championship (Super Bowl or Pre) in their current city. (the Seattle Seahawks, the San Diego Chargers, the Arizona Cardinals, the Houston Texans, the New Orleans Saints, the Tennessee Titans, the Atlanta Falcons, the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Carolina Panthers, the Cincy Bengals, the Minnesota Vikings, and the Buffalo Bills). Of the remaining 20 teams, 5 are suffering from droughts longer than a current young man/fan's experience, the Kansas City Chiefs (1969), the Detroit Lions (1957), the Cleveland Browns (1964), the New York Jets (1968), and the Philly Eagles (1960).

There have been 34 NBA championships since December 1975, producing 11 different winners. 17 of the NBA's 30 teams have NEVER won a NBA championship in their current city. (the Sacramento Kings, the Los Angeles Clippers, the Phoenix Suns, the Utah Jazz, the Denver Nuggets, the Dallas Mavericks, the Oklahoma City Thunder, the Minnesota Timberwolves, the Indiana Pacers, the Memphis Grizzlies, the New Orleans Hornets, the Orlando Magic, the Atlanta Hawks, the Charlotte Bobcats, the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Toronto Raptors, and the New Jersey Nets). 5 of the 14 remaining teams, the Warriors 1975), the Blazers (1977), the Knicks (1973), the Wiz (1978), and the Bucks (1971), are working on some pretty serious "Mary Tyler Moore was the hottest dime in the game" droughts.

As with steroids, baseball as a sport catches flak where other sports don't.

Who Let the Doggs Out?; or They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Michael "Please Don't Forget the Dopeness of My Brother Marcus" Vick has served his time. He spent 19 months in prison, most of it in the infamous Leavenworth pen. He has repaid his debt to society as ordered by law.

Yet NFL Commish Roger "Make Sure Shit Sell" Goodell is currently contemplating an additional penalty as steep as a one-year suspension for the first opposing QB to tread the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field for a playoff game and trudge off a winner. As an aside, I believe Frownie correctly called that game for the Falcs.

Many believe Goodell should impose just such a harsh suspension. In January, Peta's president, Ingrid Newkirk, sniffed, "Saying sorry and getting his ball back after being caught enjoying killing dogs in hideously cruel ways for many years doesn't cut it." She went so far as to suggest to Goodell that Vick undergo brain scanning for irredeemable psychopathic tendencies!

Ms. Newkirk shrilly opines that, "With behavior as aberrant as Michael's, we worry (Such a Warren Worrier! Such a Nervous Nancy!), despite our wish that it were otherwise, there is scant reason for optimism." A real terminal case, doc.

"Despite our wish," Ohhhh, please spare us your fake concern; you can't publish a publicity-seeking, shit-slanging letter repeatedly labelling Vick an incurable maniac and at the same time express hope for the alternative.

If Vick is so irredeemable, perhaps the loss of his fortune and19 months in Leavenworth were not enough. Perhaps a lobotomy is in order. Maybe, just maybe, Ms. Newkirk, he should have been put down behind a curtain on the track, just like a race horse. Just like....Eight Belles.

Now, it's partially true, playing NFL football is a privilege, not a right (although Maurice Clarett was right), but again, Michael Vick has served the time he was given.

And while it's true that if Goodell imposes a suspension, Vick would be free to pursue a career in Canada, Austria, or face the ominous glare of Jim Fassel in the United Football League, but if Goodell truly believes in Law and Order, he would believe in redemption. He would believe in the redemptive message that being allowed to play NFL football would send.

For we either lock up our criminals for life, kill them, or believe that they can be redeemed.

What kind of message to our nation's felons does Goodell send if he suspends Vick for a year?
Fuck off, good luck finding a job, in short, you're not wanted.

Chuckles Gooodell should know a thing or two about redemption. His father was New York Senator Charles Goodell. Chuck's political career was built entirely on death. He first joined the House of Representatives via a special election to fill the seat of a deceased Congressman. Therein he served until RFK caught the Gat, whereupon he was selected to serve out the remainder of RFK's senatorial term. Democracy in America, eh? Anyhoo, Goodell's final Governmental service was to vice-chair President Ford's committee to draft amnesty rules for draft evaders. Aka redemption.

Roger Goodell's own wife, Jane Skinner, knows a thing or two about redemption, after all, she dared affront our nation's airwaves by saying the word "cock," but her career keeps humming along.

In all seriousness, cut the bullshit, Goodell, and let Vick play. 'Twould send a far more positive and enlightening message than suspending him would.

Fuck the Knicks

All Around American Hero Brandon Jennings, or a righteous impostor, told Joe Budden, of all people, "Fuck the Knicks!" for passing him up in the dridaft.



I won't venture to guess if 'Giuseppe' Jennings is the Truth or just a bowl of pasta primavera, but I'll join him in a hearty "Fuck the Knicks."

Donnie Walsh's naked plan from day one has been to move money to make room for LeBrawndo (it's what chumps crave). Plan B is Dwayne Wade. Plan C is Chris Bosh. Plan D is a carton of Kools, a beachfront condo in Boca and Peace! C Ya Later cuz Plan D sure aint building an actual basketball team.

Sure, Isiah Thomas made his fair share of mistakes, but let's not forget he stepped into the poo-poo-platter that Scott Layden whipped up for him. Layden's last draft, in 2003, produced Michael "Hittin Up Sizzler Sure Would Be" Sweetney and Maciej "I Love" Lampe. Layden's last move before being fired was signing Dikembe "Who Want To Sex" Mutombo to a 2-year contract.

"Game Recognize Game." Isiah proved this true, for he sure could spot talent in the draft. Sadly, he missed his true post-baller calling as a scout.

Perhaps the moves that best sum up his reign are drafting Trevor Ariza "From Your Grave" (forced, I know) and subsequently trading him for Stevie "I Single-Handedly Caused the Demise of the Vancouver Grizzlies By Exposing the Inability of a Smaller-Market Canadian Team to Compete because of the Currency Exchange Rate, Tax Issues and General Ignorance Regarding Vancouver's Winter Weather and thus Indirectly Fueling the Second Lakers Dynasty of the Decade Via Ariza and the Pau Gasol Trade" Francis.

So we got Donnie Walsh to replace Isiah. He's done a good job of getting rid of some of the shitty contracts on the roster, but he's been plain about his disinterest in actually rebuilding the franchise in favor of a naked grab for Lebron in 2010. Unless Al "Wrinkled Dome" Harrington, Larry "Ill Street" Hughes, and Tim "Oh? A Lazy Three? I'll Pop That" Thomas are the future. If they are, sign me up for SkyNet.

Now, the load of crap the fans of New York are told time and time again, in every sport, is that this town just don't have the patience for rebuilding. But the alternative, ten years of middling mediocrity, is so much worse. For to make the NBA Finals is divine, to make the playoffs is iiiite, to nab a top lottery pick is genuinely hopeful, but to finish around 30 wins year after year and pick between 7 and 11 is just, well, middling mediocrity.

Sure, LeG.O.D.D. could end up in N.Y., but there are plenty of good reasons why he won't, as astutely pointed out by Frownie, and if indeed he says "Wait, I'm not gonna leave $30 mil on the table plus leave Skyway Burgers and Bath, Ohio behind," then what?

You get the bad feeling we'll be seeing D-Wade, rotten knees and all, rocking the orange-and-blue-and-black, sending shudders to those of us with longer memories of the sad codas of once-sensational slashers; Mitch "Richie" Richmond on the Wiz, Dominique "I Preferred Gerald" Wilkins on the Celts, Glen "Allah-Be-Praised, You Seen His Wife??" Rice on the Knicks, Latrell after the 99 Finals run, etc.

So yeah, no offense to Jordan Hill, who could turn out to be the next John Wallace or a decent forward (positions they sorta already have filled with Wilson Chandler and David Lee if he stays), but "Fuck the Knicks," which is basically what Pete Vecsey said this past weekend with a typically brilliant column.

Gawd-Damn! Single-handedly giving meaning to Roger Daltrey's refrain "hope I die before I get old," Could this even be the same man? What happened to the granite chin? The steel gaze? I mean, that pic from UNC is borderline JFK, Jr. while the recent pic is a melting Paulie Walnuts. Fuck and fucked.

Trippin' on the Paper Clips

"That's it Eric, hold up that index finger, a lil higher, there, got it!" encouraged the cameraman as he snapped away at the Clippers' Training Center in Playa Vista.

"Umm, are we done?" mumbled an impatient Eric Gordon.

"C'moooon, E.G., just give us a smile and we can call it a day. Just a little-bitty-intsy-bitty smile."

"No."

"I have your dog right here."

"Smooches!"

"I'll shoot him right now."

"d-d-don't. I'll do whatever you want."

"Give daddy a smile."

-CLICK-

Seriously, are the L.A. Clippers awake? Did someone approve this ad before it ran in the L.A. Times? With the Lake Show celebrating their redemptive championship, and possibly bringing the entire team back for an encore in 09/10, the Clips have never looked worse.

Seriously, look at Eric Gordon's face here. He looks like a 10-year old Charles Barkley who just shit his pants after eating a gallon of ice cream.

But hey, DJ Dense is gonna be there. Admission is free. There will be free draft guides. There will be Clipper Girls. I mean, sure, MILFy and all, but they aint exactly giving Paula Abdul a run for her money.



And to think, not too long ago, the Clippers were the biggest "G" team this side of the 2000 Jail Blazers.


Tangent. Were the 2000 Blaze the biggest "G" team of all time? Possibly. Probably. Definitely.

Rashweed "Cut The Check" Wallace. Steve "Smiff" Smith. Damon "Back When I was Good" Stoudamire. Bonzi "Dude, You've Got A" Wells. Scottie "The Knicks? Same Shit...Different Address" Pippen. Arvydas "Y'all Lithuanians Already Knew This" Sabonis. Dale "Where my Brotha Antonio At?" Davis. Shawn "Father's Day" Kemp. Greg "I'll Punch You In The Fucking Face" Anthony. Stacey "Plastic Man" Augmon. Rod "G.O.D.'s Gift" Strickland. Detlef "On The Stremf, F'realz" Schrempf. Gary "Cary" Grant. Will "I'm White" Perdue. Eric "Remember when St. John's was Dope?" Barkley.

Is that Mark "Helicopter" Jackson getting yammed on?

Damn. What coulda been. Fuck Robert Horry. Motherfuck him and John Wayne.

What say you? Can you think of more "G" squads?

Fool me once...

...shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, and it's time to question my mental capacities. One Howard Johnson has presided as hitting coach all three instances -there is one start in which Piniero actually allowed more than two runs in there, but it is not indicative of the overall trend- and somehow retains his job, probably because he was a former fan favorite -woo! 30-30 in a meaningless season! woo!- and is buddy-buddy with franchise stalwart David Wright, who by the way has transformed into strikeout and lucky singles hitting machine. It doesn't matter how many backups are in a lineup, because the opposing pitcher has been knocked around his last several starts and was a scrap heap addition himself. People are laid off for much less during these times, isn't three strikes enough for Johnson?

P.S. And for all 'the hitting coach doesn't even have that big of an impact on the team!' people, doesn't someone have to assemble scouting reports, go over tape with hitters, set up approaches during team meetings before series? What does Johnson do? Groom his mustache while watching Daniel Murphy chop grounders during batting practice? Watch Wright uppercut balls?

Stay Classy

True story. Coachie, the wife, the sis-in-law and the nephew went down to dazzling Disneyland in Anaheim this past Saturday. Outside the gates was a furious man futilely being calmed by his girl. Furious because he had been denied admission into the land of endless wonder. Why was he not allowed in? Well, this chump was wearing a USC t-shirt that read on the front "BUCK THE FUCKEYES!" Chumpy got up that morning, gathered up his girl, envisioning exchanging pounds with Mickey, chowing down on churros, riding the tea cups, rocking the mouse ears, and generally indulging in the sound of childen of all ages laughing all while showing his deep disdain for Ohio State. What a clown. He'll probably file a lawsuit and win but ah well.

Unfortunately, yours truly couldn't grab a picture. Instead I offer this pic taken by the almighty Bizman at Dodger Stadium a few weeks back. Either Dodgers security flunked reading comprehension or do little to maintain a family environment. Oh, guess what? He was alone. I know. Stunning.