Monday, April 10, 2006

New Mets Slogan Unveiled


"Just Play Ball" to replace "The Team. The Time" as '06 slogan, MLB sez.
4-1 Mets take on Nats again tomorrow after Wright Stuff leads them over Fish and Dontrellis, 3-2
Beltran scores winning run on Star (of) David's sac fly in 9th
Amazin' Again: 20 years later, Mets back in first place

SIGH OF RELIEF


No game scheduled for "Day Without Immigrants"

Saturday, April 08, 2006

HARDBALL IS BACK!!!







"HARDBALL IS BACK!" Indeed. Sadly, the promise of 1992 comes fourteen (14) years too late to save the souls of Bret "Never Hatin'" Saberhagen, Bobby "I'll Show You The Bronx" Bo,
Vinny "Choo-Choo" Coleman, "E-Z" Eddie Murray, and
Frank "Royal" Tanana"-baum."

"God Speed," says Ryan Thompson before using one of his five (5) tools to piece together cardboard box to sleep in.

"You want cheese on that or what?" demands Eddie Murray when reached for comment behind the grill at the Flamin' Embers on East 86th Street.

Peep this from the 1993 Times:
By ADAM BRYANT
Published: March 26, 1993
The New York Mets' record last season left a lot to be desired. That's why for the 1993 season, the ball club is introducing a campaign that focuses on the experience of attending baseball games rather than the outcome of the games.
"You make the call" serves as the theme for two humorous 30-second commercials, created by TBWA Advertising in New York. In one spot, a hot dog is passed through a stadium crowd to a young boy who delightfully takes a bite. "Hot dog and a cold one," is superimposed on the screen followed by "Or . . . Another night of takeout." On the screen, a man is featured receiving a greasy bag of takeout food, while the same boy grimaces in disgust.
Stephen Wakeen, vice president and management supervisor at TBWA, said yesterday that it was "only natural" to change approaches from last year, when a campaign unfortunately promised fans "Hardball is back."
9-3 Mets
"Scoreboard," says Trachsel to lowly Fish
Trax smax Mets 10,000th two-bagger
Professor X Nady continues home schooling of NL East pitchers
Jorge Boolio = the next Rich Rodriguez?

Friday, April 07, 2006

Pedro The Bully

"I want you to throw the next pitch at the mascot."
"Why would I do something like that?"
"Just throw it at the bull... he won't charge, I promise."

Sock It To 'Em

PEDRO'S BIG BAT LEADS METS OVER
WASHINGTON
FAT CATS


Met-Inez wild in first start but notches 6K's, RBI single
Mets Complete A 12K
Carlos and Carlos Go Deep
He's Duaner Than You Are
Game Delayed Four Times Due To Brawl, Injured Umpire, Argument, Difficult "Mets Trivia"

BREAKING NEWS:

JOSE GUILLEN DESPERATELY TRIES TO ESCAPE NATIONALS

"I'm no Angel, but I don't deserve this," he sez

He doesn't know where it's going, folks


Pedro Walks 5, Hits 3

Thursday, April 06, 2006

MUH-HA-HA!!





Somewhere in Met Closer Heaven Harmando Boonitez unleashes a hearty chortle, "MUH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!!!!" then resumes beating his girlfriend.
Wags Officially becomes a Met, blows save, Mets fall in "free baseball" time 9-5.
"MUST-WIN" for Pedro tonite. Wait, what?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

This Is How We Do



Mets Baseball!
"This is How We Do..." -Fitty
Mets dead Nats 3-2, Lo Duca "Cheats," Chris Berman contributes "Royce-A-Roni Clayton" in forced reference to Clayton being a former San Fran Giant, Berman goes on to unabashedly declare man-love for David Wright who knocks homer and parts Flushing Bay, Glavine-despite old and withered face-pitches decently, calling Nady "X-Man" an affront to the memory and awesomeness of Xavier McDaniel

Scenes from Opening Day part II

Chisox Celebrate First Title in 88 Years, Unveil New Mascot

Scenes from Opening Day.

Bobby V Defies Bud Selig, Sneaks into Shea Opener


Clemens Struggles With Decision, Hot Dog, Nachos or Burrito. Decides on All Three, Adds Sausage.


PED-NO!!!
Pedro Breaks Wrist Waving to Fans


Shea Stadium Groundskeeper and Usher Storm Field...oh, wait..


Barbara Bush Tosses Out First Pitch for Astros
"She's Really Let Herself Go." sez Roy Oswalt
"Barbara Means To Eat, and Bush means ennnnnh!" sez Borat


Morganna "the kissing bandit" Makes Triumphant Return to Bigs
Wade Boggs, reached for comment, sobs "I'm Bald."

Minnesota Twins arrive from Distant Future
"Mediocre Baseball" is their gift from far-off time

Thanks, Beautiful