The Old Ballfield

Playing around to create some "panoramic" shots:

Nic Cage's Bel Air Mansion Put Up For Foreclosure Sale

"The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul."

"And man shall be just that for the ubermensch: a laughingstock or a painful embarrassment…"

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."   

Who wants to buy Nic Cage's house? (No one.)

He had asked for $35 million and had found no takers. At the foreclosure it was put up for bid for $10 million but still no bites. Such were/are his money woes that he had six different mortgages on the house. The interior is described as "fascinating and bizarre" (compliments in my book). Unique touches include 300 comic book covers elaborately framed and hanging on the walls, a model train set on raised tracks a couple feet below the ceiling that circles the inside of the breakfast room and two bedrooms, a central "entertainment" tower, custom wine cellar, 35-seat home theater, six bedrooms, nine bathrooms and an Olympic-size pool. Former owners include Dean Martin and Tom Jones, so it's seen a lot of partying.

Rumble Fish, Raising Arizona, Moonstruck, Honeymoon in Vegas, Leaving Las Vegas, The Rock, Face/Off.

Where did it all go wrong? Oh yeah..."Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah Oh no-my eyes! My eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!"

(Random side note: Neil LaBute, who directed In the Company of Men, directed the aforementioned Wicker Man remake and directed the upcoming Chris Rock/Martin Lawrence banger Death at a Funeral). 

Pure Energy

(With respect to Information Society)... South Beach at a reallllly slow shutter speed:


He may have been on his way here. This gentleman is the partying man's Matthew McConaughey:

(Please excuse the abrupt end of the video, the music was just too intense to ensure the safety of the camera.)

We Do, And We Did

Miz Biz sped up to catch a glimpse of the partymobile speeding its way down A1A (BEACHFRONT AVENUE!) The Vengabus was nowhere to be found.

Umpire Calls Yankees and Red Sox a Disgrace to Baseball for Slowing the Game Down

 Umpire Joe West speeding things up.

Baseball fans want the game sped up. Owners may publicly proclaim that they do as well, but must secretly love 3+hour games that allow fans at the ballpark more time to shop for t-shirts, scarf sausages and guzzle beers. Cue Ted DiBiase: "Money, Money, Money."

Commissioner Bud Selig has repeatedly mentioned that speeding up the game was one of his priorities. Still, it was surprising to read, as originally reported by NorthJersey.com (bro) and the New York Post, Umpire Joe West publicly call out the Yankees and Red Sox for their pace of play that makes time seem to pass through porridge.

"I understand it's strategy," West said. "I understand they're trying to set up the count and take so many pitches...They're the two clubs that don't try to pick up the pace."

"It's pathetic and embarrassing. They take too long to play."

In one embarrassing sequence from Tuesday night, Home Plate Ump Angel Hernandez denied Derek Jeter's request for time. Jeter stepped out of the box anyway.

There's no need to be stepping out of the box to take a few practice hacks after every pitch, this aint the World Series, it's the regular season. It's not like basketball players get to step off the free-throw line to practice their stroke in-between free throws. NLF kickers don't get to take a couple of practice run-ups to the holder on the field. Soccer players don't get a couple of phantom kicks at goal before a penalty shot.

Here's a simple proposal that would provide a bright-line rule and speed the game up without making a fundamental change to the game: Allow the batter exactly one time-out per at-bat and allow the pitcher exactly one chance to step off during an at-bat. That's it, otherwise stay in the box and stay on the rubber and play ball. There's no need to be stepping out of the box to take a few practice hacks after every pitch, this aint the World Series, it's the regular season.

Opening Day 2010

Chris "you're a clown, bye" Carlin, Bobby Ojeda, Darrrrrrrrryl, Ronnie, Keith & Gary

Magnitude of boos, in ascending order: Jerry Manuel, Luis Castillo, Oliver Perez, Mets training staff

'MERICA

My favorite feature of the ballpark, a nod to the same sign in L.I.C.

Darryl throws a strike to Coupon arch-nemesis and 80s teammate Howard Johnson.

Johan was comfortably in control of the game, save for one drive off the Great Wall of Flushing from Jorge Cantu. Would've been treated to more from Santana were it not for a blown call at second base after a great relay from Jason Bay to nail Cantu.

Big Marlins righty Josh Johnson struggled all day with his command, and even got lucky with some line drive outs from Alex Cora and David Wright.

Would've liked to have seen a three-inning novelty save from Fernando Nieve, but it's Opening Day, so the closer is required by law to appear no matter how big the margin is for the home team.

Put it in the books!

Couldn't have asked for better conditions to open the season across the Northeast. George F. Will was probably sobbing tears of joy all day Monday. Not pictured are some of the improvements to CitiField, including relocating the original home run apple in front of the home plate entrance, numerous player posters and perhaps the simplest but most dramatic improvement: painting the previously anonymous stairwells orange and blue. Slowly but surely people will one day be able to tell which team plays there.

Knicks Beat Celtics to Temporarily Avoid Third Straight 50-Loss Season; and More Gross Lawyer Vanity Plates

 Entertaining game at the Garden last nite, as the Knicks showed a some fluidity and some force in dropping the Celts 104-101. At 28-49, yet another Knick season finishes in abject ruins. WFAN.com put together a nice "lost decade" team, your starting five is Starbury, Allan "Smiles" Houston, Q, D-Lee and Eddy "Touch it" Curry. This past season may top them all for worthlessness. No draft pick to look forward too. The only player to take his game to a high level was David Lee, who may well leave this summer. The disastrous trade for Tracy McGrady, now publicly proclaiming that LeG.O.D.D. will not be coming to New York. Thanks for the memories Tracy, and thanks for costing us another draft pick that we can't afford to lose. And of course, Mike D'Antoni's surreal rotation policy. Dumps Nate Robinson, only to discover that Toney Douglas is the exact same player but not as good. Proclaims Bill Walker as the second coming. Says Eddy Curry is back and ready to ball. Proclaims Sergio Rodriguez as the Third Coming. Buries Jordan Hill. Proclaims Eddie House as the Fourth Coming. But man, is he good answering questions from the press! And really, that's the only diff-diff between the Walsh/D'Antonz regime and the Isiah and Layden regimes that proceeded them. Good P.R.
------
California is full of shitty vanity plates. The budget could be balanced on increased fees for asshole vanity plates. Here's one I spotted in Playa Vista. A shitty Benzo SUV, what a winner. I guess "Negoshi8" was taken.

Me Want Food

Specifically, this food:

Saw this book at the library. Had to grab it. Had to stop reading it while on the train because it was making me too hungee.

Baseball Opening Day 2010 Photos

Honoring a 134-year old tradition, we begin in Cincinnati and the Hit King. Nightmares.

 Leona Helmsley.

You watch your fat ass, Joe :"Keep Waiting, Donnie" Torre, Bobby Cox is gunning for your spot at the head of the Knights of the Bigelow Tea Table.

Stiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllll, Octavio "Please" Dotel. Thanks for Mike Hampton tho. Reminds me of when Hampton left the Mets for the Rockies, citing the better school system. Francesa and Dog had a field day that afternoon, playing "Rocky Mountain High" on a loop in the background.

 Is PNC Park in Pittsbugh consistently ranked the best because of the stadium itself or because of the backdrop? It's a legit question. That's why I keep Dodger Stadium in my top 3 (behind Old Shea and Fenway),  it's just baseball and nothing else.

  Not pictured: The stool King Bloomberg is standing on. I had the pleasure of meeting Diana Taylor once. Stone cold foxxxxx. -rawr-

Much better ensemble from President Obama than the pitiful shapeless jeans he wore last summer. But look at that feeble delivery. Looks like he could use a couple of seshies with the MZA. "The first key to pitching is to throw." And what would Sizzle-Bizzle aka The Kid say about that slouchy hat with the bent brim? That's not boss.

 Juan Pierre has a tiny head. I just want to pinch it.

Peep the real-life Comic Book Guy bashfully, prolly sweatily, waiting for Bob "I'll Toss a Complete Game Right Now" Feller. Nerd's got the kind of forearms you can only get by lifting many a Subway Meatball footlong to your mouth.

Johan knows the secret us stickballers knew many a moon ago: New Balance kicks. Meanwhile, can you even tell that this year's Met pinstripe jersey is cream rather than white? Without the texture you just can't create the look of the flannel era. No sport has uglier, less utilitarian jerseys than modern baseball.

Yankees and Mets Opening Day-Hardball is Back! (So are 4-hour Games)

 Any excitement over opening night was quickly dulled by the grinding gears of another 4-hour Yankee-Red Sox slugfest. Time moves like oatmeal through Wilford Brimley's mustache during a Yankee-Red Sox game. Of course, it's always jarring to go from watching hoops to baseball, no matter who is playing. Basketball gives you action with no context. Baseball gives you the context of a nice daily rhythm but with no action.

Or as my pal B-Town says, basketball is about tempo. Baseball is about tension. And in a Yanks-Bosawx game there is no tension. Only the kind of drunk punch-counterpunch that comes from two fighters who know each other far too well. You don't need Mushnick to tell you that a 9-inning game should not last nearly 4 hours. All the worse that it's on a Sunday school-night.

There are plenty of common-sense ways to reduce the length of games, which hurt tv ratings and general attention to the sport. But long games are great for owners because it means the fans actually attending the game have more time to stuff their face with sausages and t-shirts to cover their corpulent frames. Owners have always been reluctant to trade short-term cheese for the longer-term health of the game.

Today's Met game didn't do much better, clocking in at 3+hours for a fairly straightforward game. Not much to get excited about, the Mets always do well on Opening Day. Grrman does a nice job rounding up just how transitory and sad today's starting lineup is.

One thing watching all this baseball does do is make a man FIEND for sticks. But alas, 5 days till the freakin weekend.

That's The Stuff

When you ask people what historical figure(s) they would like to have dinner with, you always hear the standard answers, like "Jesus", "Pope John Paul", "Gandhi", "George Washington", etc, etc. Yawn. Any self-respecting man would fall over themselves to rip into a steak with any (all, if possible) of these dudes:

Sarah Palin Bukkakke

You Think This Is The Real Hauser?

It is.

I Didn't Know It Was Like That

Click on the pic for some cool, sometimes strange, rarely seen celebrity photos. As for the pic itself, yes, that is Sean Connery, and no, I have no words.

The Greatest April Fool's Day Pranks of All Time

 Some amazing stuff from around the web today, including the Santa Monica Daily Press announcing that legal gambling was coming to Los Angeles in the form of gambling boats that would dock at the Santa Monica pier then head out into international waters. (Maybe they would see Drederick Tatum fighting a horse).

The Guardian came through with this excellent fake campaign ad for UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

 And then there is this excellent roundup of the Greatest April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time, including Sports Illustrated's tale of Mets phenom prospect Sidd Finch, (which in a way seems like how Mets management feels eternally optimistic about Oliver Perez); Taco Bell's announcement that they had bought sponsorship rights to the Liberty Bell, Burger King's prank where they told people the Whopper wasn't available and they freaked, an Australian prank where they announced they would be converting to "metric time,"and one that Jay Leno would love, an Kokomo, Indiana report that its police station would close between 6pm and 6am and take messages in the interim.

David Moyes and Roberto Mancini Fight During Man City-Everton Match

Created this image to go along with a fine piece by Jesse Chula over at EPL Talk.

In looking for source material I came across this amusing vintage boxing poster. With those sublime looks on their faces they are either ready to duke it out or make out with each other.

Nets Defeat Spurs to Avoid Tying All-Time NBA Loss Record Set by the Sixers

13,000 (announced) maniacs sat in the IZOD Center and watched the Nets down the Spurs for their 10th win of the year with which the team avoided becoming the losingest team in NBA history. What a proper year it's been for the Nets, no better way to say goodbye to the Brendan Byrne/Continental Airlines/Izod Arena/Center.

Long will Coups, Biz, Boomz, and myself remember traffic-clogged treks through the Lincoln Tunnel, frigid sprints through the parking lot, tyrannical ushers enforcing rules of decorum in a half-filled arena, Sir-Slam-A-Lot, One Horse Open Tamar Slay, the very-well designed (sincerely) concourse and seating bowl (one stair case goes up and one stair case goes down versus the MSG 12 escalator Mt. Everest climb and claustrophobic hallways that seem to narrow and shorten in height, reminiscent of the ones Springfield builds for Ned Flanders).

And of course, the retired banners for Bruce Springsteen and Beppo the Clown.

Paul Lukas ESPN Column on Vintage Ticket Stubs

"Mommy, why is Mr. Met Crying?" From Paul Lukas' latest ESPN column.

Insanity Masters and Sexy People, Two Dope Pop Culture Photo Blogs

This is what the internet is best at, delivering ill photos of ill people doing ill things. Nothing like this was available before the internet, save occasional forays into the daunting stacks of the leather-bound collections of old magazines (including Playboy--but with the photos snipped) of the Mid-Manhattan Library.
Two great photo blogs for your amusement, Insanity Masters and Sexy People. (Earth People, I was Born On Jupiter). Keep on doing G.O.D.D.'s work.

Waitaminnit, This One Might Be Better

Vinsanity Jr.

Weekend Update

Tuff weekend for your boy Coachie. Got called out as "Luis Scola" on the b-ball courts on Thursday. Got whipped in handball on Saturday morning in Venice 7-3. Got whipped in stickball on Saturday afternoon in Santa Monica 5-1, then got whipped in tennis 6-0, 6-4 on Sunday morning in Marina Del Rey. Capped off by a 4-1 whipping in foosball in Simi Valley Sunday night.

   

Spotted in Downtown L.A. Friday Afternoon. E-Z solution to California's budget crisis, quintuple the vanity plate fees, these assholes will still pay.

Afro-Mullet? Check.
Jose Canseco-style shades circa 1988? Check.
Tight black t-shirt? Check.
Sucked-in beer gut? Check.
Shapeless K-Mart Jeans? Check.
Crisp white sneakers? Check.
Authoritative strut across the park? Check.
Yup, Dad's ready for another Little League Season.

(Spotted in Los Amig-Bro Park in Santa Monica, CA on Saturday afternoon)

Jozin z Bazin; Jesus is a Friend of Mine; Sonseed; Urvasi Urvasi, getting Rick Roll'd.

Traveling the globe for entertaining clips:
First up, from South India (possibly Sri Lankan); featuring some of the illest dancing this side of prime Michael Jackson, prime Usher and parkour:

Next up, some Czech (but possibly Slovakian) schtee reminiscent of Andy Kaufman, musty suits and mustier beards.

and finally, America's Funniest Home Video-style ska combined with some serious love for the Man Above: