Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Welcome to the Future and Have an Ice-Cold Pepsi at New Giants Stadium

The main story this morning on the New York Post's website was a breathless write-up of the "futuristic" and "far-out" features of New Giants Stadium, otherwise known as a giant air-conditioner with a giant ad for Pepsi-max on the side. (again, people thought the neon ballplayers on shea were tacky??)
Before diving into these features, keep in mind that the old Giants Stadium was only 34 years old, and was perfectly serviceable....for the average fan. This stadium was clearly not built with the average fan in mind, and from the inside, it looks almost exactly the same as the old place.

Anyhoo, back to the press relea---article:
"The new, high-tech features includes the creation of a mobile app, powered by Verizon Wireless, that will offer fans updated scores, team news, player information and highlights from around the NFL on their phones as they watch the game from their seats."
Live scores??? ON MY PHONE?!?!!??! "Ronald Reagan? The actor? Then who's vice-president? Jerry Lewis??"

"During games, the stadium's four large JumboTrons, powered by Cisco StadiumVision, will show live game footage and weather information."
Also, the stadium conveniently lacks a roof, allowing fans to peer at the sky for weather information. "Hey! Lookee at that giant tv, it says it's fucking cold and snowing outside!" 

"In another Jetsons-like twist, fans in the stadium's 200 luxury suites will be able to order food and merchandize through touch-screen TVs mounted in their suites."
The hallowed name of the "Jetsons" dare not be invoked lest we are talking about cars that transform into briefcases and self-dog washing machines. What's more decadent? Ordering your food off a computer as if you were at your desk ordering seamless web after another 14-hour day at the office killing it? Or having someone called a "waiter" answer to your beck and call and dutifully bring what food you tell him to bring you?

"When fans enter New Meadowlands, they are going to feel like they're stepping into the future," John Mara added.
Can us fans just go to a game and sit in a seat and watch a game? Or does everything have to be a hard sell?
Even noted Middle Eastern scholar Donald Al-Trump is against the downtown mosque! EVEN DONALD TRUMP! What else will it take to convince you falafel-eating, Ted-Kennedy-worshipping, Wind-Turbine-Spinning, bike-riding learjet liberals?!!?!