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Manchize's Only True Love is Football reports Jamie Lynn Sigler; Also, David Beckham's Goldenballs Shine Brighter in Person

 

The Manchize only has eyes for football and is a total dork, as reported in the New York Post.  

Have to wonder tho, how comfortable Sanchez was enjoying Turtle's sloppy leftovers, especially considering that he was breaking off Hillary Rhoda at this time last year:

 

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I've designed a new image to go with Jesse Chula's weekly "Footballer of the Week" column over at EPL Talk. Here is the final along with two also-rans I created.

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Finally, and most importantly, I saw David Beckham on the street last night here in Santa Monica. He's even more ravishing and dreamy in person. He truly is Goldenballs. We were on an empty street and he str8 ice-grilled me harshie-style, maybe he thought I was paparazzi.

Larry from Three's Company

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, Larry from "Three's Company grew older, lost a little hair, got a little more gaunt, got his heart broken for the first and only time and cut this record.

South Beach Loses Out On Jets Fans Coming to the Super Bowl; also, From West Ham United to West Ham Olympic?

You won't get any expert analysis here. Seemed like the Colts TD at the end of the half was the turning point. Had the chance to go into the half up 17-6. Super bummer. And super bummer for recession-batterered Miami-area restaurants and clubs which no doubt would have preferred an infusion of New York/New Jerz play money rather than a bunch of Hoosiers. Not saying Hoosiers don't party, but bro, let's just say, they don't walk into a club and kill it. 

And while I was rooting for the Saints in the afternoon-cap, that pass interference call in OT was complete nonsense. Forget whether the ball was catchable or not, the dude tripped over himself. Sudden-Death OT is meaningless if a bad call puts a team in figgie pudding range. Hopefully this game becomes the impetus for OT rule changes, at least in the playoffs. Let the opposing team at least get a touch.

Got a piece up at EPL Talk about the new owners of West Ham United and their ambitious plans.

Potential Oscar Nominee Mo'Nique's Hairy Legs

Fitty asked "How we gwon eat, man?" We aint, not after seeing this picture. Mo'nique may host a fine show on BET and may cop an Oscar for her role in "Precious," and she may be repping strong for real-looking women, but, pleez, shave or cover. Proppps to the Daily Mail for this scoop. Of course, some mens are down for that kinda thing. Just ask Barry Badrinath in "Beer Fest," "C'mon, I knew it the whole time!"

The Man Who Killed Elvis Presley?

The UK's Daily Mail is a newspaper that gets the internet. Their website is easy to navigate and bursting with incredible, high-resolution photography. Content-wise, its American equivalent is the New York Post. The Post's website is amongst the worst out there. Part of it is Rupert Murdoch's general anti-internet philosophy. Rightly or wrongly, Murdoch doesn't believe that news content should be given out for free. His flagship paper, The Times, also has an awful website. Seattle-Seahawk-lime-green is not a good dominant color for a site. Still, no newspaper site has figured out how to place a graphically pleasing advertising skin over articles, a problem papers should have figured out five years ago.

Before I bore everyone with yet another rant on the future of newspapers, here's a typically great Daily Mail article about Elvis' drug doctor, who may or may not be responsible for Elvis' death. Some shocking revelations, including the fact that Elvis may have used liquid cocaine to cure a sore throat. Most newspapers wouldn't bother with one picture to accompany an online article, the Mail blesses us with 8. They get it. An article on Fat Elvis should show Fat Elvis. Enjoy.

Terry Francona Once Had Hair on His Head.

"No, no, Terry......it's cool........Weaver's not looking.....just...just move your hand a little to the left. Yeah, that's it. No, no, why are you hesitating? Stop smiling like that you goofball, you're killing the mood. C'mon.....just a little to your left...."

photo throo Uniwatchblog.com

I Ch-Ch-Ch-Chooz...Who?

Waaaay back in New Yawk in the 1990's, when the Gints and Jets sucked hard, the joke was that Charlie Ward was the best quarterback in town. It was funny cuz it was true. He also ranks 7th all time on the Knicks assist list.

Those days ended once Kerry Collins and Vinny turned around each teams' fortunes. Then Eli came to town and not only became the best QB but the cutest of the pies too. Not without some serious comp from Chad.


But now, well, it's a whole new battlefield. With each passing day Eli grows more and more into a Manning, and looking at the road ahead, well, that road looks fairly goofy judging by the punched-in faces of Peyton and Archie. Plus, the Jets just drafted a hunk of brahsomeness in Mark "Clean" Sanchez. A face carved out of the Santa Monica Mountains. Skin as soft as the Santa Ana wind. Curls as gnarly as the Malibu riptide. Chest as broad as the Valley. Trained in Board-Shortz-All-Day-and-Red-Dixie-Cup -Bro-ing-The-Fuck-Down-All-Nite by no less a brothority as Matt Leinart. YIKES! How's a gurl to chooz? But we must. Comments to decide. Eli or the 'Chez.

A Lil More Eli F.T.A.

Women's Tennis Superstars from Back in the Dizzay: Hot or Not?

Last week's most controversial Shea Hey discussion begets this entry. Marinate. I have combed the vaults, dug in the crates (D.I.T.C 4-eva) to bring you the Women's Tennis Superstars from back in the dizzay; to the innocent days when a classy product like Virginia Slims could endorse the biggest Non-Slam tourney at MSG. Now, no e-z task this, but....who is the hottest? And who--the nottest? Obvi, outside entries are ok.

UNNNNGGHH!!! Monica Seles. Frankly, the discussion should stop here. And clearly, time has been kind. She stole a young Coachie's heart at the Virginia Slims Finals back in 1991. Young S-Boomz was also thrrr, he led us on a successful mish from the 400s all the way down to the third row.

This here is Tracy Austin. A tad before my time. But a fave of D-F-Dubbs aka David Foster Wallace. Yowee! More tennis players should play in nighties.

The Shark knows you don't have to hunt in shallow waters. The hottest American?

A chameleon. Is it the, ummm, fierce competitor on the left? Or the creamsicle on the right? We'll call it Advantage: Agassi.

Is she daydreaming of Matthew Perry on the right?The Mza and Bryman both have their points. Basically she's a diesel Alyssa Milano. And while she had a fairly ruff patch in her life, she still got crazy paid at age 13, think about that the next time you consider artificial NBA and NFL age limits.

Mary Pierce. A forgotten queen. Formed one the more bizarre sporting couples with Roberto Alomar, especially in light of recent allegations. The O.G. candidate for Proactiv. But still, braydz for dayz.

Conundrum, Jodie Foster would be the obvi doppelganger to play Martina in her biopic (title? "Pleez Hammer, don't hurt 'em!" or "Iron Curtain Munching" (sorry)) but Jodie Foster is attractive. A riddle. But seriously, rispekt, she's still playing and kicking a lot of ass.

Hana Mandilkova. Nothing special. Nice Bad News Bears look here tho. And I think she may have screwed around with Bjorn Borg. And we know that M.F.er only dipped his Swedish Meatballs in the finest.

The Swiss Miss. Paved the road for R-Fedz. Was I alone in my down-ness? Still down. Secretively saucy she-devil look to her.

Now here's a serious challenge. Gabriela Sabatini. It's crazy-bone-thugs that a babushka like Anna Kournakova was lionized when genuinely talented Amazonians like Sexy-Sabs were toeing the court. And she appears to have aged gracefully into Giada de Laurentiis, only the hottest chick in the saute game.

Finally, we have Arantxa Sanches-Vicario. I dunno. I'm strangely in the mood for a gyro tho.

Perhaps, in the interest of fair play, I will post a sequel featuring the starry racket-wielding studs of yesteryear. Personally, tho, I don't think there's much of a point. My mans Jimmy C has got that shit on lock:

If his rackets are on top of the bag, then what the hell is inside? Condoms? Coke? Champagne? The question, US Weekly style, is who rocked the bowl harder, Connors or Pete Rose?

The House that David Dinkins Built

Jimmy C. and John Got Theirs Back in the Dizzay.

I love tennis. But, like many other tennis fans, I only watch the Grand Slams, save for cherished memories of seeing Monica Seles in her prime as a young lovelorn lad at the Virginia Slims at MSG. Marketing the non-slams is a thankless job.

This week sees start of the L.A. Tennis Open, an event in its 83rd year that can boast past champions such as Pancho Gonzales, "Hot" Rod Laver, Stan "You can do anything but lay off my ill white kicks" Smith, Jimmy "Chris Evert? Yeah, I hit that" Connors, John "Tatum used to be a prime P.O.A. back in the dizay, eh?" McEnroe, Arthur "Tite 'fro, tighter shorts" Ashe, Michael "Fuck You Ivan" Chang, "Dead Yo Shit" Edberg, Andre "Advantage:" Agassi, Boris "Gurl, I'll freak you in the restaurant's broom closet" Becker, Jim "The Great Ginger Hope" Courier, and Pete "Yawn" Sampras.


This year the tourney doesn't feature one player from the Top 10. Can't be e-z trying to sell L.A. on seeing the Bryan "aren't they just zany??" Bros., Mardy "Go" Fish, Sam "Nobody Asked" Querrey, and Tommy "We Must Protect Zis" Haas. At least they got a little Legends tourney going with Sampras, Chang, Dedberg, Courier and Marat "Nobody pays to see me hit a backhand or move around the court" Safin.

Speaking of Safin and tuff sells, his sister headlines the upcoming L.A. Women's Tennis Championships. Now rankings mean something in men's tennis, but in the women's game today, the rankings mean absolutely nothing. The Williams sisters don't play the minor tourneys so their rankings suffer, but then they show up at the Slams and rip shit up. Now Dinara Safina may be the world's #1, on paper, and it's fine to play up her appearance at the tourney. But it takes some set of balls, and complete ignorance, to have your ad read "Better than Serena, Better than Venus, Better than anyone in the world!!!!" when Safina lost in the French Open final, 6-4, 6-2, and got absolutely annihilated by Venus in the Wimbledon Semi-final 6-1, 6-0. So how can their ad read that Safina is better than Venus? The worst part is, this kind of tournament only appeals to hardcore tennis fans, the kind of fans who know very well that Venus absolutely beat down Safina, why insult your loyal fan base's intelligence with an ad like this?


Back when the U.S.T.A. was threatening to pull the U.S. Open out of N.Y.C. unless a new stadium to replace Louis Armstrong was built, part of the argument was that rotating the host city for the Open would bolster grass-roots tennis in our country. I can partly see the point. Then again, on the flip side,if being able to see the stars in person inspires kids to pick up a racket, shouldn't the NYC area have produced more stars than just McEnroe? In any event, David Dinkins stepped to keep the action in Queens, leaving tennis with the situation it has today where cities like L.A. get the impossible-to-market scraps.