Happy Thanksgiving New York

Guard Yo Grill. That dude on the lower right is peeping your shit.

So much to be thankful for on the New York sporting scene. The middling Giants. The wayward Jets. The regressing Knicks. The historically abysmal Nets. The underachieving 'Gers. The overachieving but still bad Isles (bro). The invisible Devils. The fallen-off-the-face-of-the-earth Johnnies of St. John's. Did I mention how well the Red Bulls (bro) and the Mets did this year?

Man, does any town have it as bad as NYC right now? With this much losing it's no wonder chumps like Jay-Z have to overcompensate with the over-the-top bragging. Welcome to New Yawk. Gobble-Gobble, suckers.

Facing his Waterloo?

Mangini abdiquant à Cleveland
(Mangini abdicating at Cleveland)

Wellington at Cleveland

With both national and local media banding together like English and Prussian forces at Waterloo, is Mangini facing his last stand at Cleveland Browns Stadium? Can Marvin Lewis and the Cincinnati Bengwads finish off Napoleon Mangini's return from exile? Or will newly promoted field general Derek Anderson fend off the assault and keep Mangini's clandestine regime intact? Tune in this Sunday, 1 PM on CBS!

Not-so-Jolly Jets Preview, by MZA & Fred Coupon

Fred: I love the NY tabloids hype the teams up now
then rip them for sucking
MZA: oh classic trader's mentality -- pump and dump
create "fake value"
build up a bubble
then pop the shit out of it
Fred: best part is rex ryan adding to it
his stupid lines are great ammo
MZA: yeah
i think he will be the first coach to actually explode on the sidelines
he bends light
he's so fat
i think we're looking at a 1-4 start
this season has a SOLID 4-12 feel to it
Fred: maybe 6 tops
they can beat buffalo and miami once each
esp buffalo in toronto - stupid bills killing their home field advantage
MZA: oh right
karma style
Fred: I was curious about making a trip there, but tix are expensive
MZA: broke ass buffalo residents buying seats
then they shaft them
a game
Fred: yup
but even if they go 4-12
would they win in oakland for once
sick of going there and losing every year
at 75% of the time
MZA: no they will lose
i actually think oakland will be better than expected
Fred: richard seymour 5 sacks
only ones of the year
MZA: oh totally
mcfadden monster game
...
MZA: so what do we have beyond bragging rights to the best looking quarterback in NY (vinny notwithstanding) Fred: damn good practice facility
MZA: it's easy to hype this team up
because on paper they don't seem too bad, if you assume sanchez will be decent
and if you assume ryan is a better in game coach than the mangenius
Fred: especially in game defensive adjustments
which was non-existent under mangini
I am worried about lito shepard
the jets blitz a lot
so teams will throw his way and burn him
MZA: it would be nice to have vilma back - i think he would have flourished in ny regardless of system - but this one especially
i guess ty law isnt a phone call away anymore
Fred: the worst part is
calvin pace is out for the hardest part of the schedule
MZA: 0-5 going into the buffalo game?
i think that's doubtful
i think 1-4 with a win at miami
but again
i can't remember being less enthusiastic for the start of a season as i am for this one
ironic considering the sanchez pick was supposed to kickstart the emotions
it's like the mets infection has spread to gangrene
Fred: to be fair now
jets are far below the mets on the ladder
at least the mets have won and competed
gotta take the benigno approach with the jets
always expect the worst
MZA: yes but that leads to the formation of the "maddog" fan
w/r/t the selling of firstborn children
Fred: "I'll leave now! mushnick can be happy! just one time!"
MZA: and speaking of irony what is up with the jets closing out giants stadium.
Fred: that's the best
bet the HOUSE on cincy
thats the last team right
MZA: yeah
Fred: easiest money ever
all the jets have done there is lose
why change it for the last game
MZA: i wonder what their alltime giants stadium record is
Fred: I think it's 101-103
MZA: wow
Fred: read that in a post article about the stadium
at least they won some home playoff games
not many, but still
MZA: check this out
http://www.theredzone.org/strength.asp
Fred: damn
tough 3rd place schedule
MZA: leads to easy last place finish
Fred: hmm
for all the bad vibes about the jets
I hear more about the bills
and their horrific offense
they also have the worst or second worst coach in the league
remember when jauron gave the jets a win last year during the collapse
MZA: yes
that game was a meeting of the minds
Fred: cant wait for the rematch
MZA: wasnt that the same game where mangini almost gave it back
well i agree with you on the toronto angle
in terms of the cover lock
but a win?
i dont know
Fred: do you think TO will demand a trade if the bills start 0-3
or demand to get released
that ship could sink quick
bring him to the jets
MZA: why not
keyshawn part 2
the post would love those headlines
i think if we're lucky we go 3-5 into the break
Fred: I'd run for that
MZA: not sure we can beat oakland
since we never do
and i think theyre going to be better than expected
then maaaybe 2 wins in the second half
Fred: if the jets go 6-10
but somehow beat the dolphins twice
I'd love that
cannot get swept by chad
MZA: why not
i still believe in pennington
Fred: he's the new jeff garcia
MZA: excellent comparison
Fred: will always be better than any qb on your roster
MZA: then who's the new chad?
Fred: but never good enough to win a title
hmm
MZA: carson palmer?
Fred: even chad played more games when he got hurt
I barely remember carson
so sad when that steelers lineman sat on him
killed the whole franchise
MZA: yeah
Fred: I have a question
do those pepsi forever young commercials
have to be run by players and coaches unions
cause they show belichick
he's not part of the coaches assoc
MZA: dont think i've ever seen it -- link?
he would make a good coors light guy but i guess he's have to be in coaches union
Fred: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemMjWSUreM
did you know in madden
he's NE HC
because of that
MZA: i like that
just for the oldschool videogame throwback
like qb eagles
Fred: hehe
MZA: or #23
Fred: it also pays homage to his note with the jets
was it "I resign as HC of NYJ"?
MZA: right
6 words that sent the franchise back to the short bus
Fred: now what was the deal - did leon hess promise him the job before hiring tuna
MZA: it was the sale
according to his press conference
from hess - woody
Fred: the funny thing is
woody isnt that bad compared to his predecessor
MZA: record wise
strike that
i agree, but something always seems missing with this team
it's like ordering a drink with no booze in it
Fred: it's the curse of shea
hit the jets
now the mets
...
I think the last exchange sums up the franchise pretty well.

Who Let the Doggs Out?; or They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Michael "Please Don't Forget the Dopeness of My Brother Marcus" Vick has served his time. He spent 19 months in prison, most of it in the infamous Leavenworth pen. He has repaid his debt to society as ordered by law.

Yet NFL Commish Roger "Make Sure Shit Sell" Goodell is currently contemplating an additional penalty as steep as a one-year suspension for the first opposing QB to tread the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field for a playoff game and trudge off a winner. As an aside, I believe Frownie correctly called that game for the Falcs.

Many believe Goodell should impose just such a harsh suspension. In January, Peta's president, Ingrid Newkirk, sniffed, "Saying sorry and getting his ball back after being caught enjoying killing dogs in hideously cruel ways for many years doesn't cut it." She went so far as to suggest to Goodell that Vick undergo brain scanning for irredeemable psychopathic tendencies!

Ms. Newkirk shrilly opines that, "With behavior as aberrant as Michael's, we worry (Such a Warren Worrier! Such a Nervous Nancy!), despite our wish that it were otherwise, there is scant reason for optimism." A real terminal case, doc.

"Despite our wish," Ohhhh, please spare us your fake concern; you can't publish a publicity-seeking, shit-slanging letter repeatedly labelling Vick an incurable maniac and at the same time express hope for the alternative.

If Vick is so irredeemable, perhaps the loss of his fortune and19 months in Leavenworth were not enough. Perhaps a lobotomy is in order. Maybe, just maybe, Ms. Newkirk, he should have been put down behind a curtain on the track, just like a race horse. Just like....Eight Belles.

Now, it's partially true, playing NFL football is a privilege, not a right (although Maurice Clarett was right), but again, Michael Vick has served the time he was given.

And while it's true that if Goodell imposes a suspension, Vick would be free to pursue a career in Canada, Austria, or face the ominous glare of Jim Fassel in the United Football League, but if Goodell truly believes in Law and Order, he would believe in redemption. He would believe in the redemptive message that being allowed to play NFL football would send.

For we either lock up our criminals for life, kill them, or believe that they can be redeemed.

What kind of message to our nation's felons does Goodell send if he suspends Vick for a year?
Fuck off, good luck finding a job, in short, you're not wanted.

Chuckles Gooodell should know a thing or two about redemption. His father was New York Senator Charles Goodell. Chuck's political career was built entirely on death. He first joined the House of Representatives via a special election to fill the seat of a deceased Congressman. Therein he served until RFK caught the Gat, whereupon he was selected to serve out the remainder of RFK's senatorial term. Democracy in America, eh? Anyhoo, Goodell's final Governmental service was to vice-chair President Ford's committee to draft amnesty rules for draft evaders. Aka redemption.

Roger Goodell's own wife, Jane Skinner, knows a thing or two about redemption, after all, she dared affront our nation's airwaves by saying the word "cock," but her career keeps humming along.

In all seriousness, cut the bullshit, Goodell, and let Vick play. 'Twould send a far more positive and enlightening message than suspending him would.