Thursday, July 29, 2010

Stickball Stickball Field; More Radio Bangers "Toot It and Boot It" and "Teach Me How to Dougie" Hey LeBron Knows What's Up

 Stallone is fucking ready to DEVOUR a ground ball. 
These shots are from this past July 4th at a very decent Manhattan yard by the United Nations that Al K. Mza's cleverly christened "Stickball Stickball Field" in honor of former UN head Boutros Boutros Ghali. My runner-up name is "The Polio Grounds," as it is FDR Drive adjacent. Mza was the deserving winner. In the game I was the deserving loser to Biz, but only cuz of walks. Walks are outdated, L.A. way all the way.
We also kept score via the IPad, it was genuinely cool and convenient. These pics should feature in an ad in some manner.
Very silly controversy over at Espn as they yanked a story about LeG.O.D.D.'s Vegas partying shortly after posting it. Can LeBron live? Can he live??? So he partied, did it up, did it up. The highlight of the story was the dance-off betwixt Bron-Bron and Lamar "I Picked the Wrong Sister" Odom. Video footage would be priceless. The story in full is here.

"Teach Me How to Dougie," by the pooooorly-named California Swag District, is currently Coachette's #1 jam, followed closely by YG's (Young G?) "Toot it and Boot it." The drum loop in "Dougie" is other-wordly hypnotic, a livened-up 3-6 style. Both jammies are 80's throwbacks, and follow the leader, last year's super-banger "You're a Jerk (I know)" by the New Boyz.

By the way, YG is not from L.A., he's from Kompton/Los Skandless.

The beauty of the 80s coming back in fashion is that, with the hindsight of 20 years, today's youth can pick-and-choose only the good bits. Sort of like how in the 70's, the 50's came back in fashion, with movies like "American Graffiti," shows like "Happy Days" and punk rockers wearing cuffed jeans, white t's and leather jackets.

In the 90's we had to endure girls wearing their hair up, rocking Timbos, baggy jeans, and hoodies. In many ways, the 90's were a pop culture wasteland. Peep the outfits YG rocks in the vid, today's youth have it better. Which flies in the face of one of Dr. Miz' most famous theories.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Booby Bowl I; An Awfully Adorable Invincible Iron Man Hat; The Far East Movement's ode to the Pontiac G6

With the skies overcast and a brisk breeze blowing through Los Angeles (it's fucking cold!) this past Sunday was oddly perfect weather to play the long-overdue Booby aka International Football aka Fly Football championship, things were going swimmingly until an errant pass from yours truly severely sprained the finger of my teammate, Rex Volcanoe. He had to pop the sucker back into place. And that was that, handing the default victory to B-Town and Coachette and the official D, 7-5 winners in the first game and up 3-2 in the second.
A most adorably rad hat. Unbearably cute even.
Were you aware that the Pontiac G6 was an ill car? I wasn't. A bunch of wannabe Black-Eyed Peas called The Far East Movement are blowing up the airwaves with "Like a G6." I'm mildly offended that they name-check Three-Six, but that beat tho...sheeeet.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A New Challenger for World's Greatest Penalty Kick; and A Perfect Summary of Why Citi Field is a bumout.

Not so much the greatest penalty kick but the natural evolution of where the shot should go. Are you going left or right? An effective fake-out combined with the ability to shoot with either foot is deadly, as evidenced here.

Of course, penalties would be a lot more entertaining if this completely ballsy move by legend Johan Cruyff could be pulled off more often.
A lot has been said on the overall -meh-that is Citi Field. Suffice it to say, for all its problems, it's biggest problem, for me, is that the building of a new stadium was the Mets one big chance to have a permanent one-up on the Yankees, after all we could never have a one-up on the actual field of play but why not have a better stadium? They blew it. Cue Robert De Niro.  

Anyway, here's Greg Prince of the mexcellent Faith and Fear expressing that missed opportunity very well.
 Hey, I can't see home plate! And why the fuck is there a bridge in the outfield? Is this Houston?
What's tackier, neon ballplayers on your facade or giant ads?

Monday, July 26, 2010

Rob Van Dam 4:20 Forever

 Yesterday, moments after losing the Chinese Handball Heavyweight Championship Belt, 9-3, to my boy B-town in Venice, I ran into Rob Van Dam right by the outdoor workout area, which is the mythical home of "Muscle Beach." I recognized him right away, and got Coachette to snap this exclusive photo. RVD is EXXtremely friendly. He asked if I watched TNA, which I said I did when I could. I asked him if it's as good as the old days and he said it's as good as ever.
Back in the day, I enjoyed wrestling almost as much as everyone else did. It's purely thanks to Cannatar that I got to enjoy ECW (Elks Lodge 4-eva) which provided a far more entertaining product than WWF or WCW and RVD was the main reason why. He represented the quantum leap from Hogan style slapping of chests to high-flying off-the-top-rope style actually-athletic wrestling style.
And considering how most post-prime wrestling lives usually are it felt good to see RVD looking completely normal and healthy.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

I Got A Story to Tell; "The Truth"-A New Animated Series

 For those that haven't had the chance to peep, Flannery McKenna and Simon Ampel have put together a site to showcase their masterpiece "The Truth" which features the beautifully animated stories of their neighbors in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn.

Friday, July 16, 2010

All Praise Due To the Quote Machine that Is Al K. Mza; also Carblows Blowtran

 New York City Stickball stopped handing out awards a few years ago, which is a shame, because the MZA's response to this horrific picture of Sly Stallone would have easily copped the quote of the year award:

"If biceps are guns would those be silencers?"
In other, somewhat related news, Juan Uribe looks really, really old. The new Otis Nixon mayhaps.

 Taking a stab at Fred Coupon-Like Creativity (see Baynilla etc.); what about Carblows Blowtran?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Replacing the All-Star Game with the World Baseball Classic.

 Shortstop is ready. And get that pitcher some raisins.

The World Baseball Classic is a great idea and a lot of fun. The All-Star game was a good idea but is not anymore and is not fun.

Before television sports relied almost entirely on gate receipts. Fans in American League towns almost never got to see the stars of the National League and vice-versa. Today, obvi, we see the highlights of every game on-demand. More importantly, fans in America have largely fallen out of love with the game of baseball itself. Oh sure, we love going to the new ballparks and scarfing all the ill new food available. We love to root on our own teams towards glory. But there are very few fans who like watching baseball.

Meaning that a Cub fan would watch a Sunday Night game between the Braves and Mets, whereas a Bear fan is likely to peep a Sunday Night game betwixt the Falcons and the Giants. Football fans, college and pro, will watch almost any matchup of teams not their own. Most basket fans are the same. Part of it is tastes changing, after all, it wasn't too long ago that baseball, boxing and horse racing were by far the dominant sports. Part of it is the perception, true or not, that in football and basketball we are watching raw athleticism, that we are getting fast-paced play packed with action highlights whereas baseball is the gentle game concentrated on statistical accumulation.

All of which goes toward saying that the baseball All-Star game, as an exhibition, doesn't offer the viewing public much. Whereas the World Baseball Classic has juice.

There is a misconception that the American sports are not international. In Soccernomics, an otherwise-brilliant book by Stefan Szymanski and Simon Kuper, the authors argue that American insuralism meant that its sports did not spread beyond its borders while British ambition made soccer the global game.

"The American empire's favorite games have been no good at cultural imperialism...few American[s] ever taught baseball or football to [foreigners]."

Bullshit. Putting aside how soccer remains extremely unpopular in all of Britain's former colonies (Canada, South Africa, India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Australia and New Zealand) , baseball is an established international game. Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Mexico, Venezuela, Panama, Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico. I'm comfortable putting that list up against other international sports like cricket or rugby.

All of which goes toward saying that the World Baseball Classic is a legit tournament offering the viewing public serious juice both in terms of the strong teams in it and the appeal of nationalist rooting.

But it doesn't get taken seriously when played in March. So how about this:

Cancel the All-Star Break. Hold a yearly World Baseball Classic. Make the midsummer break 4 or 5 days. Play a final four during that break. Two reps from Asia and two reps from the Americas.

Play the preliminaries in early spring for each of the two regions. So in early spring, South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, China, Australia and South Africa, (the latter two not in Asia I know, but closer to there than to the Americas), plays for two spots in the midsummer final four. Meanwhile, the U.S., Mexico, Cuba, P.R., D.R., Panama and Venezuela play for two spots in the midsummer final four. What if the U.S. doesn't make it to the final four? So what? 24 million people in the U.S. just watched the World Cup final between Espana and Los Paises Bajos.

To allay the fears of the Major League clubs, games could be limited to 7 innings and pitchers could go no longer than 4 innings or 70 pitches.

What if the U.S. played Japan for the world baseball championship on t.v. last night instead of a meaningless exhibition? Money over bullshit.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Will Anyone Diss the Knicks in Print?

As a Met, Knick and St. John's fan, much of my sports media consumption is to find well-written expressions of my miserable fan experience. Yet, throughout the disastrous Donnie Walsh-Mike D'Antoni era, nary a peep of criticism has been heard. (Save the ever-excellent Peter Vecsey, simply the best basketball writer in the biz, bar none).

Everyone, from Vaccarro through Serbz through Lupica through national voices like Bill Simmons, preached patience as the Knicks cleared cap room for a run at LeG.O.D.D.

Yet no one would dare speak of a Plan B. Because there was no Plan B.

Walsh played the role of hero, ridding the team of albatross contracts. But this clearance came at the expense of draft picks, with Walsh's most disastrous trade being the one for Tracy McGrady. T-Mac cost us our 2009 lottery pick, our 2012 pick and Houston can swap their pick for ours in 2011. Three first-round picks for two months of creaky knees and outside shots!!!! Walsh should have been smeared across the front page for that move alone. 

Instead, it's Lebron's fault! He turned down our glitz, our glamour! That jackass chose competing for a title over Cindy Adams!! It sure seems like Cleveland is handling LeBron's decision better than New York, based on newsprint alone.
What a jackass! LeBron can go live it up in South Beach, make his cash, compete for a title, and swoop into NYC on a private jet whenever he feels like partying without paying NY taxes and without playing for a shitty team, just like every other baller in the world does. What a moron!

Finally, however, some are daring to diss the Knicks. Chris Sheridan of ESPN nails the Knick mess hard in a column released over the weekend. Everything in it is the absolute sad truth. Every NY baskets writer should plagiarize this piece over and over, beating us over the head with the futility of the Knicks' future until thousands gather en masse outside the Sbarro's across from the Garden, clutching their Posts, with the tears streaming down their faces only making their $4 slices soggier.

Here's Sheridan's projected Knick roster for this fall:
PG: Toney Douglas, TBD.
SG: Wilson Chandler, Azubuike, Rautins.
SF: Gallinari, Bill Walker, Landry Fields.
PF: Stoudemire, Randolph.
C: Turiaf, Curry, Jerome Jordan.

The Knick ceiling for this season is, what, the 7th seed? Boston, Orlando, Miami, Chicago and Atlanta are locks to finish above them. Charlotte and Milwaukee are better, I say. Leaving us to duke it out with the improved Wizz, the Sixers, the Raptors and Nets for the 8th seed. This is the payoff for two years of nothingness? This, in a league where it is laughably easy to make the playoffs. Did we need Walsh to get us in position for the 8th seed? Yahoo auto-draft the past 2 years could have assembled an 8th seed roster.

Walsh, now out to save his neck, literally, talks about all the cap space available in 2011 and 2012. Why stop there?? How much can we clear for the big free-agent class of 2022? Who's in it? Who cares! We'll have cap room! The Knicks don't have the luxury of just throwing money at players. As LeBron has shown, and as Kobe showed in his free agent year, the best of the best want the money AND a chance to win. 1 out of 2 won't cut it.

Name one NBA Champ that did not have a home-drafted star. No NBA champ is built on free agents alone. The Heat were only able to sign LeBron and Bosh because they had Wade, who they drafted. The Celtics drafted Rondo and Pierce and were able to trade for KG because they had drafted a player, Al Jefferson, whom other teams wanted. The Spurs drafted Duncan, Manu, Tony Longoria and David Robinson. The Pistons drafted Tayshaun and made savvy trades for Rip, Ben Wallace and Rashweed. The Lakers made a draft-day trade for Kobe, traded for Gasol and wisely turned their one big free agent signing into Lamar.

Bar a few blips like Mark "The Helicopter" Jackson and Rod "Smoofy Suave" Strickland, the Knicks have had a mediocre draft record since the "gift" of Patrick Ewing. They've never done what every other team has done to get to the top. Bottom out completely and rebuild through the draft. The C's did it. The Spurs did it. The Heat did it. The 'Stones did it. The Cavs did it. The Magic did it. The Bulls did it. Everyone's doing it, so why can't we?

From day one, Donnie Walsh's plan should have been to trade for as many draft picks as possible while fielding a young team that would grow but also finish amongst the bottom to angle for a top-3 pick. Instead we get the same free-agent farce that will restrict the Knicks for well into the next decade. 'Sheep with cell phones," where are you when we need you Mark Kriegel?

Friday, July 09, 2010

The Greatest Heel Trio Since...

LeBron and Everything We Need to Learn About Being Sports Fans Comes From One Scene in 'A Bronx Tale'

"Are you a Yankee fan? Sit down. Come over here. Sit next to me. You must be pretty upset after the Yankees lost."

"Bill Mazeroski, I hate him. He made Mickey Mantle cry. The papers said the Mick cried."

"Mickey Mantle? That's what you're upset about? Mantle makes $75,000 a year. How much does your father make?"
"I don't know."

"You don't know. If your dad needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don't care about you. Why care about him? Nobody cares."

"Can I ask you something?"


"Did you shoot that man over a parking space?"
"When you get older, you'll understand."

"From that day on, I never felt the same about the Yankees."

Thursday, July 08, 2010

The 40/40 Club is Soulless and Hollow Just Like Jay-Z; Why LeBron Should Not Come to New York

 The above ad was from Monday's Daily News (not to be confused with L.A.'s own sominex-on-wax which somehow snatched the web handle away from Morty Zucks).

I didn't realize International Hov took his interior design inspiration from Bounce Deuce. The ESPNZone is dead, long live the ESPNZone!

Does this picture evoke the glamour that LeG.O.D.D. is supposed to experience by coming to the Knicks or Nets? Do they not have a B.J.'s Pizza in Bath?

Frownie's already been all over Stupid Time and made the more-than-convincing case for Cleveland while eviscerating all the media junk out there. Frownie's most convincing argument is that a LeBron title won right for E.199 and Eternal would be monumentally more meaningful than one won for Madison Avenue.

Not all titles are created equal. Wade's won one in Miami which will be remembered for shady foul calls and not much else. Those short-suffering Miami fans celebrated and quickly reverted their attention back to Techno Music, cuban coffee and Tha U (can you blame them, tho?)

Years ago, driving back to Manhattan after some sticks, I stopped at the Mobil station that's on the Grand Central Parkway. Ron Artest was filling up his giant Escalade at the pump two over from me. I yelled out, "You gotta come to the Knicks!" He replied with a wry, knowing smile, "I know man, I know."

Ron-Ron yearned to go home and play for his team. Most players never get that chance to do that AND make the most money. Then again, imagine how fucking cool it would be to hang at the 40/40??

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Photoshop Love from The Guardian

 Your boy Coachie caught love in the digital pages of the Guardian, as they featured a photoshop I made of German coach Joachim Low. Here is the link to the Guardian's gallery, frozen out of the top three again tho.

And here is my other, unselected submission:

Monday, July 05, 2010

Omar Infante?

I try not to get too worked up about the All-Star selections, but Omar Infante? Jeff Passan has the ridiculousness pretty well covered, but JoePoz sums it up in one sentence:
"The All-Star Game is loaded with bizarre choices through the years, but I think it’s quite possible that Omar Infante is the most bizarre in baseball history."

Also, I had never heard of Evan Meek until he got selected for the team yesterday.

In more joyous news, a glimmer of hope that Wilpon could sell the team.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Conan The Barbarian The Musical and Conan Massive House Music

This would be a lot funnier if the dude's impersonation were better and not even worthy of watching except for the awesome footage:

But this, well this is simply massive: