Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Take This Take This, Hold This Hold This, How Do You Pitch?; Also, Chicks Dig The Long Ball

The Daily Snooze takes a momentary break from inducing slumber to droppp this ill slideshow of ill baseball grips. Worth a peep except they include R.A. Dickey and Tommy "I'm Not Devastated" Glavine for some reason.
Would love to see a similar photo essay for our stickball grips. The Miz and I could fill a book by ourselves, I imagine that Cannatar, the Biz and Bryman have boring tradish grips.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

You Wanna Front, What? Jump Up and Get Bucked.........Your Nine Spray, My Mind Spray

I saw Jeru in, like, 1999, at the GameStop on Broadway and Astor peeping the new NHL game, weird until you consider that his origin is unknown like the Jubas.
While searching for the perfect 9mm Glock pic of 9mm, I came across what appears to be Russell Brand laying deep in the cut waiting for Katy Perry to come home. 
Also came across Gucci Mane's cuzz who gives us Evil Pimp, who's all up on his renaissance religious imagery.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Manchize's Only True Love is Football reports Jamie Lynn Sigler; Also, David Beckham's Goldenballs Shine Brighter in Person

The Manchize only has eyes for football and is a total dork, as reported in the New York Post.  

Have to wonder tho, how comfortable Sanchez was enjoying Turtle's sloppy leftovers, especially considering that he was breaking off Hillary Rhoda at this time last year:

I've designed a new image to go with Jesse Chula's weekly "Footballer of the Week" column over at EPL Talk. Here is the final along with two also-rans I created.
Finally, and most importantly, I saw David Beckham on the street last night here in Santa Monica. He's even more ravishing and dreamy in person. He truly is Goldenballs. We were on an empty street and he str8 ice-grilled me harshie-style, maybe he thought I was paparazzi.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Welcome to the Future and Have an Ice-Cold Pepsi at New Giants Stadium

The main story this morning on the New York Post's website was a breathless write-up of the "futuristic" and "far-out" features of New Giants Stadium, otherwise known as a giant air-conditioner with a giant ad for Pepsi-max on the side. (again, people thought the neon ballplayers on shea were tacky??)
Before diving into these features, keep in mind that the old Giants Stadium was only 34 years old, and was perfectly serviceable....for the average fan. This stadium was clearly not built with the average fan in mind, and from the inside, it looks almost exactly the same as the old place.

Anyhoo, back to the press relea---article:
"The new, high-tech features includes the creation of a mobile app, powered by Verizon Wireless, that will offer fans updated scores, team news, player information and highlights from around the NFL on their phones as they watch the game from their seats."
Live scores??? ON MY PHONE?!?!!??! "Ronald Reagan? The actor? Then who's vice-president? Jerry Lewis??"

"During games, the stadium's four large JumboTrons, powered by Cisco StadiumVision, will show live game footage and weather information."
Also, the stadium conveniently lacks a roof, allowing fans to peer at the sky for weather information. "Hey! Lookee at that giant tv, it says it's fucking cold and snowing outside!" 

"In another Jetsons-like twist, fans in the stadium's 200 luxury suites will be able to order food and merchandize through touch-screen TVs mounted in their suites."
The hallowed name of the "Jetsons" dare not be invoked lest we are talking about cars that transform into briefcases and self-dog washing machines. What's more decadent? Ordering your food off a computer as if you were at your desk ordering seamless web after another 14-hour day at the office killing it? Or having someone called a "waiter" answer to your beck and call and dutifully bring what food you tell him to bring you?

"When fans enter New Meadowlands, they are going to feel like they're stepping into the future," John Mara added.
Can us fans just go to a game and sit in a seat and watch a game? Or does everything have to be a hard sell?
Even noted Middle Eastern scholar Donald Al-Trump is against the downtown mosque! EVEN DONALD TRUMP! What else will it take to convince you falafel-eating, Ted-Kennedy-worshipping, Wind-Turbine-Spinning, bike-riding learjet liberals?!!?! 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Stay Classy, Don Sterling, Also The Clippers Just Took Some Ecstasy (Aint no tellin what the side effects will be); Morever, Michael Cage is a Handsome Man; Finally Darius Miles proves Motorhead right in that the Chase is Better Than the Catch.

Not the same ecstasy that Dr. Dre took. Ecstasy is defined as fighting for the 9 place in the crowded west. The Lake Show, the Spurs, the Dunn-der, the Utah Mountain People, The Nuggs, the Blazzze, the Mav-Nots, the Dunns, plus the Hornets, the Rockets and the Grizzz, where exactly to the Clips fit into this picture?
Better view of the new Clippers unis, why is the wordmark so low on the jersey??
 Just let your soul. glow.
The NBA should have created a three-on-three halfcourt league for players like Darius Miles who clearly had skillz that needed to be seen and showcased, just not skillz that worked in the NBA

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Big League Whiffleball Awesome Show Great Job!

 Ill pitching, check out the video on ESPN. Far more impressive is their strike zone. Imagine if we had one of those for sticks! It would open up a plethora of new fields to play on. Sadly, they don't offer one for sale on their web site, Big League Whiffleball, offering instead some ugly t-shirts. I suppose we could build one ourselves, but we are far removed from our physics days, what thickness and what material would be needed to stand up to the abuse of a steady diet of bizman fastballs?

The Los Angeles Clippers: A Tradition of Excellence (Not!)

I'm no simile sexpert but I don't think of dunks as "fast." As in, man, that Shawn Kemp sure dunked the ball swiftly! Monstrous, sure. Barbaric, yes. Yamtastic, indeed. And please, please, please watch this Shawn Kemp Reebok commercial. I imagine Clippers tix are moving as swiftly as Tree Rollins defending Kemp in this clip.Also, has Griffy-Griff even dunked the ball for the Paper Clips in a game yet?

Don Sterling comes off seeming surprising funny in this surprisingly decent L.A. Times column by hack T.J. Simers. Good reading. We can only dream of having the kind of lucci that let's us pay a men like Ryan Gomes and Randy Foye millions and then say, ""If I really called the shots we wouldn't have signed Gomes and what's the other guy's name?"

And the new Clippers road uni and logo. Still biting the Lakers with that logo, and the usual extraneous modern-NBA piping on the sides.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

You Know the Motherfuckin situation So Get Down Get Down With the Gangstarr Foundation; Marcus Camby's UMass Appeal

Mass Appeal. Guru R.I.P.

It was 1995 in a Stuy history class that I first thought of an image combining Marcus Camby with "Mass Appeal." Remember UMass' run to the Final Four? No? Neither does the NCAA. Lou Roe don't ya know.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Get Your Own (Your Own) Ya Heard?; Halfway Home and My Pager's Still Blowing Up

Courtesy of the rapidly-declining A.V. Club comes a mexcellent list of songs about outdated  tekmology.
"Raised as a youth, tell the truth I got the scoop
on how to get a bulletproof, because I jumped from the roof
before I was a teenager, mobile phone, SkyPager
Game rules, I'm livin major..."
-Tupac (He's alive)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Hey, America, You're Fucking Fat, So Eat This Shit

New footlong cheeseburger currently being tested in Santa Ana. Welcome to the O.C., bitch!
Color me....curious.

Proppps to Foodbeast for diving into this piece of schtee.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Jeff Francoeur Can Go Fuck Himself

In response to being demoted to a platoon role, Jeff Francoeur is whining about his playing time and asking to be traded to a team that will play him every day.

Francoeur needs to get realistic.

Out of 27 regular RFs, Jeff Francoeur ranks dead last in OPS, wOBA, EqA, or any other measure of offensive value.
In 2009, he ranked 23rd out of 25 regular RFs.
And in 2008, he ranked last among 22 regular RFs.

Simply put, Jeff Francoeur has been the worst right fielder in baseball for the last 3 seasons by a healthy margin. Instead of complaining about playing time, he should be thanking his lucky stars (or incompetent Mets management) for getting as much playing time as he has.

Big Fucking Pelf or Fuck Big Pelf?

It was, ohhh, about 15 years ago when The Biz, The Miz and I had our infamous debate over 'za and 15 cups of soda in the back of that free refill pizza place by Stuy. The Miz argued that a young stud named Andy Pettitte would turn out better than Jason Isringhausen. -pshaw-Biz and I scoffed. We're still waiting for a good homegrown pitcher, and for that soda to finish working its way through our system.
Here's a site named The 7 line that will amuse you with Mets-themed shirts.
Here's the first image from Moneyball;

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Insane 80's Japanese Heavy Metal (Is there any other kind?); Steer Clear of the Homicide BBQ; Baseball to the Groin

This is Loudness, a Japanese heavy metal band whose heyday was in the 80s. They feature the fine guitar work of Akira Takasaki, and fuck, it's pure madness.
The July frost has finally given way to some semblance of summer here in L.A. (breezy and in the 60s!), and with it BBQ season. But you should prolly stay clear of something called the "Homicide BBQ"
(from the L.A. County Sheriff's newsletter):
Whatever your thoughts on steroids in baseball, I think we're all agreed the game was better off when players looked like this.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Deja Boo for Knicks as Isiah Returns

 Amar'e sprained his wrist after holding up his jersey in this photo. 
 Is the move all that terrible? I'm an Isiah apologist, I know. But Isiah's talents have always been in scouting and finding talent, so if his consultancy role is limited to that, then so what?
Still, the move is indicative of a franchise going nowhere as long as Jimmy "Double Shot" Dolan's still in charge. It's like Frownie sez, it all starts at the top. The rot seeps down to the rest of the franchise. Dolan says Isiah was instrumental in recruiting Amar'e Stoudemire. Over whom? Is there any documentation that Amar'e had any other serious offers? Yet another example of a New York franchise bidding against itself for a past his prime player. But wait! Isiah is one of Chris Paul's idols!

Pleez, if it don't make dollars it don't make sense, and romance without finance is a damn nuisance. Big Daddy Kane would do better in charge.

Any news on the 'Gers?

Friday, August 06, 2010

The Fall and Fall of the Arby's Empire: Or, How Roast Was My Valley; Or Bury My Heart at Big Montana; or A Tale Of Two Loaded Potato Bites; or War and Beef and Cheddar

A peculiar quirk of living out here in the lonesome, crowded west is the daily barrage of shit flyer mail I get, mostly coupons for fast food. Like Juvenile said in Baller Blockin, I'm out the game. And I aint no Corleone, they can't pull me back in. Especially when they offer shit like this from Arby's. Someone took these pictures and thought they looked good? Look at all these sandwiches, none of them look appetizing. Those mozz stixxx look like Wilfred Brimley's bowel movements. Eating the Roast Beef Choice will make the Grail Knight from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade appear to let you know you've chosen...poorly. There's an Arby's here in Santa Monica, I pass by it sometimes and I always see middle-aged men eating in there alone, no one's ever eating with other people. Like the bus station of the damned.
It's a sad end for chain that's been runnin on empty for more than decade.


Thursday, August 05, 2010

Castigate the Casting Director?

The Moneyball movie is finally being filmed, so it seems like a good moment to take a look at the cast.

Hard to argue with the choice of Brad Pitt.

The Parks and Rec guy as Scott Hatteberg? Score.

Interesting contrast - Art Howe had the look of a great manager, but was terrible at the job. Philip Seymour Hoffman looks like a schlub, but is a great actor.

I still think this is a practical joke: