Vintage Handball and Ping Pong Books

Further proof of the Mza's all-time axiom, things weren't better back in the day, except for back in our day. Peep these champs. Remember the brouhaha over Tom Brady's supposed effeminate hair? These men brushed their hair, conditioned their hair, oiled their hair, teased their hair, permed their hair, fucking luxuriated in their hair, then went out, played some handball, slapped each other's butts, slammed 12-14 Budweisers then dipped their balls in gruyere fondue before driving home. Drunk.

I feel like I was the G in blue in a past life. Such form. You know he just hit a killer.

Dr. Who pinging that pong. Such supreme concentration.

Good Gawd! Did anybody ever do these drills?

Quick World Series Beard-Off, Now!

I was just going to post closeups of all the ill beards in this World Series but then I got a lil brazy. And if players are gonna keep it au currant with fashionable beards that would blend right in on Bedford Ave, why aren't they going back to 80's skinny baseball pants?

old man gray beard

dirty sexy crazy love 'stache

coming up small gettin overpaid by the yanks beard

ill chin strap beard

ace beard

Shook Santa Claus Beard

Boring Beard

Tha U

i fucking hate college football. only in america do we have to have these discussions about sports. and these fucking middle-aged white sports media people all outraged, like the morning host here in l.a., espn's colin cowherd. blaming the kids. for what? doing what anyone else in their shoes woulda done? oh, but that's right, in the white sports, like baseball, hockey, tennis and golf you can go pro outta high school, or before high school for tennis, and get paid, and party. Because that's what young entertainers do, party. Or do these middle-aged white sports-media figures not think that their favorite musicians partied; bruce springsteen, the stones etc. They'll pump Billy Joel at home and won't begrudge him the money or the partying or the d.u.i.'s. But black athletes? Getting paid?? Partying??? Making Reggie Bush give his Heisman back? Shove it up your ass.
And why is the NCAA penalty always on the future kids who had nothing to do with anything? Because the NCAA isn't interested in justice. It's a fucking pony show.
Simple solution without blowing up the rule book and without paying players. If a school fucks up, no bowl ban, no loss of scholarships, they keep playing, and every dime the school earns from its football games and its bowl games goes to other schools to pay for scholarships. Isn't the NCAA better off, morally and financially, if Ohio State, USC, and tha U play their games, stay in the spotlight, and earn money that goes to needy kids around the country?

Clever

via uniwatch

Mike "Big Fucking Pelf" Pelfrey Has Been Pitching, Poorly, for the New York Mets Since 2006

Career

49

50

4.35

459

1.44

Career

49

50

4.35

459

1.44

I realize Pelf had little to do with the outcome of this one, but still.

An Important Met Memorandum from the Desk of Fred Coupon: Jason "Baynilla" Bay Easily Trumps Bobby "I'll Show You the Bronx" Bonilla as the Worst Mets Free-Agent Signing of All Time

It's not even close really. Bobby Bo, for all his off-the-field crap, wasn't that terrible. Of course, if the Mets hadn't signed Bonilla, they coulda maybe been in the market for Barry Bonds, but whatevs. Keep a keen eye on tonight's Met broadcast to see Freddy Coups waving the awesome sign above in the stands.

Das Racist: Biased Umpires Don't Call Strikes Strikes

Freakonomics dudes posit that umpires are hate-hate-hatin. 

Baseball can easily solve this problem by replacing the home plate umpire with dogs with bees in their mouths that shoot tiny lasers that form a strike zone for each batter.

The Complete and Utter Absuridty of Left Field at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum When it Was Set Up for baseball and the Los Angeles Dodgers

Came across this pic, it's newish so it probably dates from when the Doyers played an exhibition, against the Red Sox methinks, a few years back to commemorate the four years they spent playing at the L.A. Coliseum after they moved from Bucktown, USA. Look at left field! I could see the bizman or edotage or k.w. von Ruffnhuggz hitting a stickball home run outta there.

Iman Mohamed Abdulmajid and Iman Shumpert: Is it bad when your team's draft pick shares the first name with one of the world's most beautiful supermodels?

I don't have an answer, but at least Iman Shumpert is a fun name to say.

Well, thanks for all the memories, "Teflon" Donnie Walsh. What a legacy, what a rebuilding job. By this time next year, with no draft pick in 2012 thanks to the brilliant Tracy McGrady trade, Carmelo's gonna be looking around at Amare limping around on gimpy needs, Iman Shumpert, Landry "Furds" Fields and start begging for a trade to Brooklyn.

I made this two years ago, everyone pictured is still involved with their respective team, and each team is still mediocre. Co-inky-dink?

Kinda Sorta Lookalikes: Danny Noonan from Caddyshack and U.S. Open Golf Winner Rory McIlroy

N-n-n-n-noonan.

P.S. It's always U.S.Open of Golf. Emphasis on the "of golf." There's only one U.S. Open. 

I Used to Get It In Ohio: Jim Tressel Photoshop Up at Cleveland Frowns

Good pieces by Frowns here and at Cleveland Scene on how wack the Jim Tressel sitch is. Up above is the photoshop that ran, below is an attempt I made at making an "invisible" like on filmwise, which is really, really, really hard. Cap's off to the dudes who make those things.

Your Predictions for the 2011 New York Mets

For all of 2010's crap, the Mets actually finished with 79 wins, so I figured they can't be as bad as last year, but then you take another look at that rotation, and realize that Reyes will be gone and that Santana won't be back, and, well, I say 75-87.

What say you?

Should the Yankees Trade for Johan Santana?

photoshop credit: Tirico Suave

By Al K. Mza, unable to post directly:

Should the Yankees trade for Johan?

Think about it, Wilpons are broke, he’s due to make 20 mill plus over next three seasons, and Yankees need pitching depth. How about one of the Yankees catcher prospects, plus a minor league/draft pick poopoo platter for getting Santana’s obligation off the Amazins? Brian Cashman has swayed away from these mega signings in the last few years, but what if Johan comes back healthy and CC opts out at the end of this season? At the very least it would make Suzyn Waldman go insane. This isn’t a crazy idea is it?

Map of Potential UCLA Basketball Home Arenas for 2011-2012 Season

While UCLA's Pauley Pavilion is renovated next season, they could play home games as far off as Bakersfield, Ontario and San Deegz.

A History of Eric Mangini Told Through Photoshops

"Mangenius in the Promised Land"
"What Dreams May Come to Tribe Fans"

"Manpoleon" by the equally talented Freddie Coupon.

"Horseballs"
"Villa 4 Life"
"Horseballs 2"
"A Frownie Christmas 2009"
"A Frownie Christmas 2010"
"E.M. is Fired as H.C. of the C.B."

"Wither the Mangenius?"

The New York Mets 2011 Season Marketing Slogan: So After the Laughter I Guess Comes the Tearz

The Mets put out a bummer of a survey last week.
Followed by an even sadder commercial. The rap response: After the laughter, comes tearz. The rock response: Sad But True.

Los Angeles Stickball Logos

Variations on the crest I made below:

Fade into Bolivia: The Shea Hey Obscurity Department--A Column on Qatar 2022 and Ashes Images for the Cricket Sadists' Quarterly

Got a column up at WorldCupBuzz.com on Qatar hosting the 2022 World Cup.

As you are all aware, England and Australia are currently battling it out down under for the Ashes, the most beautiful and meaningful trophy in sports. After five scintillating days, the first test ended in a draw (how's that for a payoff), and the second test ends today (maybe another draw!). I've had some images included in the new issue of Cricket Sadists' Quarterly, the excellent magazine put out by Jarrod Kimber, the man behind Cricketwithballs.com. The new issue of Cricket Sadists' Quarterly is available for sale here, in print form or as a downloadable e-book. But if you want it, holla at me for a copy. The images I made are below.

Big League Whiffleball Awesome Show Great Job!

 Ill pitching, check out the video on ESPN. Far more impressive is their strike zone. Imagine if we had one of those for sticks! It would open up a plethora of new fields to play on. Sadly, they don't offer one for sale on their web site, Big League Whiffleball, offering instead some ugly t-shirts. I suppose we could build one ourselves, but we are far removed from our physics days, what thickness and what material would be needed to stand up to the abuse of a steady diet of bizman fastballs?