Friday, November 27, 2009

Chasing Weeb & Joe

Weeb Ewbank, winner of two titles with Baltimore Colts in his previous stint, and Joe Namath, "the greatest athlete I ever coached" according to Bear Bryant.

Rex Ryan, first-year head coach displaying all of his father's blustery disposition and disdain for non-defensive aspects of the game, and Mark Sanchez, brief pupil of Pete Carroll. Of Bryant, Namath had this to say: "Not only the smartest coach I ever knew, but the man who taught me the meaning of integrity." I don't think anyone's ever uttered 'smartest', 'integrity' and 'Pete Carroll' in the same sentence.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving New York

Guard Yo Grill. That dude on the lower right is peeping your shit.

So much to be thankful for on the New York sporting scene. The middling Giants. The wayward Jets. The regressing Knicks. The historically abysmal Nets. The underachieving 'Gers. The overachieving but still bad Isles (bro). The invisible Devils. The fallen-off-the-face-of-the-earth Johnnies of St. John's. Did I mention how well the Red Bulls (bro) and the Mets did this year?

Man, does any town have it as bad as NYC right now? With this much losing it's no wonder chumps like Jay-Z have to overcompensate with the over-the-top bragging. Welcome to New Yawk. Gobble-Gobble, suckers.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Vote or Die

In the wake of Thierry Henry's blatant handball that gave France the win over Ireland to advance to the World Cup, I've got a poll up at EPL Talk asking whether soccer should add another referee by each goal or start using video replay.

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Final Verdict on David Lee

David Lee clumsily driving to the rock with probably his only move.

"...He is vastly overrated: listen, I'm not knocking him... well I guess I am."

-Mike Francesa

Mike never had strong opinions on the Knicks' power forward that has few offensive skills, can't quite guard 4s but grabs a lot of double-doubles, until one call from an overzealous fan and defender, elicited a damning response. Both Lee and Nate Robinson, the 'see, at least Isiah can draft!*' guys, had to squirm until a few weeks before preseason to sign one-year deals, and it's pretty clear neither will have places on the team next year, especially Nate after his debacle in the Meadowlands last Saturday. David might move on to become an 8th or 9th banana on an elite team -Spurs, maybe- and Nate might possibly light up an And1 tour somewhere.

*Granted, Isiah salvaged his awful Channing Frye pick in 2005 by trading the homeless man's Tim Duncan, Kurt Thomas, to the Suns for Nate and the pick to get David, but let's not apologize for his catastrophic reign with some nice fantasy players he picked late in the draft.

Not Bad

Chose this pic cuz it sorta looks like Ray Allen may be about to dunk but clearly not.
Employee #5
The Knicks put up a good fight today. Best that can be said. Celts played em for fools on the last play, but to the Knicks' credit, that shot was a tad outside KG's range. The 'Bockers are playing better of late, and it's bout time. As bad as the team is, they are not as bad as their start suggested. Call me brazybrains, but this team as currently constituted should be scrapping for an 8th seed, not looking to give the Jzz the first pick in the draft.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Waterloo, Part Deux

The most irrelevant Michigan-Ohio State tilt in memory lacks the obvious juice involved -no national title or Rose Bowl bids, but can at least stir some interest based solely on the performance of Rich Rodriguez's Wolverines. No one needs to be told a representative showing (re: cover the 11.5) could at least allow the outgoing athletic director to stall for time to give Rodriguez one more season, but will his troops stand tall for their leader who drilled and worked them just too much?

Whatever the outcome, it's certain Rodriguez being outed is a matter of when, not if. It's a shame he left West Virginia, his alma mater and school he made his stamp in for the greener pastures at Ann Arbor, because it soured all the good work he did in Morgantown. He's one of the brilliant tacticians of the spread offense -along with Urban Meyer- who turned West Virginia into a solid program and the Big East into a credible conference, thanks to his victory in the 2006 Sugar Bowl. Some questioned from rumors of his hire at Michigan whether his system would fit into the school's proud tradition of running a pro-style offense, but even after flashes of brilliance from Tate Forcier and the offense, he's been unable to plug his sieve of a defense, and his list of enemies grows everyday -much like our first Waterloo participant. There's no doubt this will end ugly.

I just hope Rich can rebound somewhere -would have to be a Big East or mid-major- and run his spread in peace and perhaps Jim Harbaugh can take the reins in Ann Arbor and knock Jim Tressel off his perch as king of the small pond, er Big Ten.

Al K. Mza Has Lost his Appetite

Al K. Mza has got no Jet-recipes for you today. He is sick to his stomach. Here are his thoughts:
With apologies to Chris Onstad, It's a FUCK YOU FRIDAY!
Andre Agassi! Fuck you!
Theirry Henry! Fuck you!
Allen Iverson to the Knicks! Fuck you!
It appears that the Knicks are making the right call by not signing A.I. More for A.I.'s sake. A great player like Iverson deserves better than to spend his last dayz playing absolutely meaningless games and not being part of the general baskets conversation. He deserves to play for a peripheral contender.

The Knicks need to concentrate on finding a draft pick for next summer, since the Jzzzz currently hold theirs. They need to find hungry young players from the 10-day contract group of ballers.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Fuck Yo Couch...I Mean, Fuck Yo Weak Ass Attempt on Goal. AKA is Rick James Still Alive and Living as a Retired Colombian Goalkeeper???

This clip is extraordinary for many reasons. It's from an England-Colombia friendly in 1995. Rick "Motherfuckin-Hit-After-Motherfuckin-Hit-Superfreak, Mary Jane, Ghetto Life, Cold Blooded, Party All the Time, Hollywood, Glow, Ebony Eyes,-"James in goal for the Colombians. Seriously, it's Rick James. Prove me wrong.

It gets better. So in the 22nd minute, England's Jamie Redknapp fires a relatively harmless shot towards goal, where Colombia's goalkeeper, Rick James, posing as "Rene Higuita," instead of catching it, or punching it to safety, defies belief and SCORPION KICKS it clear. He did it 'just-cuz." A must-peep.

Pop Your Collar

New post up at EPL Talk
about the success rate of collared shirts in the World Cup.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

You Only Think You're Free...

The actual miniseries is OK... though Johannesburg or whatever South African city they picked to film flashback scenes bears very little resemblance to New York. But part of me wonders what my boy, Sir Christopher Lee could've done as 2. BTW, if you're a producer looking for a poor man's Christian Bale, Jim Caviezel is your man. And does AMC know how to cast actresses with personality, or what? Hayley Atwell's got it in spades.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Is there such a thing as Jets pride?

The hunch - the beers - the jersey -- it says it all.

At least next year, our camo-hat-and-under-hoodie-wearing-walrus-stache-rocking-walking-man has this to look forward to...
that's right, our new stadium is an air conditioner.

Mets Hot Plate Report...

...because ownership at Chez Coupon are unable to afford a stove, oven or even microwave. Watch Omar add a dash of Vicente Padilla and a spoonful of Austin Kearns on minor league invites to a severely depleted Met bowl, and if he really impresses the restaurant's owner, he might be able to splurge on locally grown products Mark DeRosa and Jason Marquis. Of course, the big fish Omar prizes is Met-killer Joel Piniero, a spicy dish known to fizzle when put in the hands of the wrong pitching coach. Bon Appetit!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I'm pretty sure an eight-year old playing Madden knows how to conserve timeouts better than Rex Ryan -though he isn't alone in the league, which is a little embarrassing.
I'm also certain players given a full week off will tackle poorly the next game.
I'm never surprised by the Jets finding new and exotic ways to lose each week.
I'm positive the Jets will have another losing record in the Meadowlands this season*.
And I am convinced by the Jets' long track record there and early returns by the Mets a very legitimate case can be made for a Curse of Shea Stadium.

Rex, have another burger (words from Joe Benigno reserved for Eric Mangini), go get a defensive coordinating gig somewhere and quit wasting everyone's time as a head coach. Maybe there is a reason you never got a job for so long.

*Just wait for the debut of SheaHey's! LOCK OF THE UNIVERSE, Sunday January 3rd against the Bengwads.

Friday, November 13, 2009

If we aint getting mathematics then somethin got to give

Bryman comes throo with an excellent analysis of LeBron's proposed jersey number change. LeG.O.D.D. has indicated that he will rock #6 next season, explaining, "My second-favorite player was Julius Erving, and he wore No. 6. I wore 32 in high school because Dr. J wore it at first. My first child was born on Oct. 6, it's my Olympic number, my second child was born in June."

A tad convulted but reasonable nevertheless. But the science of numerology is not to be trifled with by amateurs. Has LeBron consulted with professional practioners? Pros like Prodigy, "fuck the myths, the science of numbers is how I live, if we aint getting mathematics then something got to give." (free the P!) Or Ghostface, "it's manifested, the Gods work like appliances, dealing in my cypher I revolve around sciences." The ideas that the Five Percent Nation associate with each of the numbers 1 throo 10 are explained in Brand Nubian's "Allah and Justice." The number 6 is associated with "equality."

The number 7, as explained by the RZA in the Wu-Tang Manual, is Godly, and is often associated with the 5 percent who have a clue. The number 6, being one below God, is the earth, and is often associated with women. Under this interpretation, LeBron would be wise to avoid the number.

However, LeBron could be taking a page from Joe Girardi's book. Girardi took the number 27 upon becoming the Yanks' manager, symbolizing his quest to bring the thirsty axe-spray masses a 27th championship. LeBron could be recognizing that he has not achieved Godly status just yet, and will wear number 6 until such status is attained.

Either way, it is good to see LeBron shedding his Jordan idolatry. The search for an identity of one's own is an essential step on the path to maturity. As No I.D. titled his classic, "accept your own and be yourself."

A warning for LeBron tho, for through such research he will feel the joy and the hurt.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Phil Mushnick is usually right on. He's right about how late start times are bad for the future of sports. He's right to attack greedy owners on PSLs. He's right to attack the WWF every time another superstar passes before their time. In Monday's column, he was wrong to state that Jimmy the Greek was fired for saying the same stuff that rappers like Jay-Z are embraced for. He cites how the Yankees' adopted Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind," as an example of supposed hypocrisy because the song uses racially offensive language. He goes on to state, correctly, that Hovie's lyrics glorify violence, drug dealing and disrespect towards women.

The distinction that Mushnick fails to make is that Jimmy the Greek spoke for himself, while Jay-Z writes fiction set to music.

For whatever reason, the mainstream media holds rap to a different standard than other forms of pop culture. Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci are not attacked for playing gangsters on film. Richard Price is not attacked for writing violence-soaked, offensive language-filled crime novels. More to the point, The Rolling Stones, Van Halen, Aerosmith and other bands whose music is used at sporting events, are not attacked for lyrics celebrating drug and alcohol abuse and general misogyny. Frank Sinatra and Liza Minnelli didn't lead the cleanest of lives, yet the Yanks play their music.

Unless we want to return to a world where Oscar Wilde is put on trial for obscenity or Pat Boone covers Little Richard's "Tutti Frutti" to make it more safer for impressionable white youth, then we should continue to allow artists in all forms of pop culture to express themselves freely.

It would be different had Jimmy the Greek written a work of fiction where a character expressed racist opinions. But he didn't. He spoke for himself at a time when he appeared on network TV as himself. CBS had every right to dismiss him. What the Greek said in real life is not the same as what Hovie says in song. Moreover, while some of Hov's lyrics are offensive, to ask the Yankees or any other sports team to not use songs by bands or artists that are not "offensive" is to ask them to use no music at all as you'd be hard-pressed to find a band or artist from the past 50 years of popular music who haven't offended someone at some time or another. Sean Salisbury aside, it's much easier to find unoffensive studio analysts.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My New Alarm Clock--Guaranteed to Wake U Up.

Veterans Day

Today is the 11th day of the 11th month. Unfortunately, Nike chose this week to unveil their line of "Pro Combat" college football uniforms. Besides being unusually dull (is that the best they could do with the bright colors of the U?), the use of the term "combat" and parking tanks on campuses at a time when we are still fighting two wars is unusually offensive. After September 11th there was chatter that do-or-die rhetoric in sports would fade away. It did, temporarily.

It's all the more offensive that Nike would use college kids for this campaign considering that the bulk and pain of actual war combat falls on college-age kids. Stay classy Nike!
Thanks to Uniwatch for the pictures.

Bern Baby Bern

If you could boil down the Mets ineptitude to just one sweet satin jacket..."Bernie, yeah, yeah, It's Me, Fred......Fred Wilpon, y'know, of Sterling Equities, listen, I'm looking to invest.....

Nothing in this post should be meant to imply that the Mets should blow a bunch of dough on John Lackey, Matt Holliday and Chone Figgins.

Image from Federal auction of Bernie Madoff's crap.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

...And Justice for None

Got a column up at EPL Talk about the latest blatant dive in soccer.

Overheard in Malibu

A portrait of Gene Shalit as a young man.

I was playing Ultimate Frisbee this past Friday night (I know, I know). After one player let the 'disc' slip between his legs, another player, an esteemed Professor-of-Law at that, remarked, "heh-heh, reminds me of that play Bill Buckner made second base for the Cubs in the World Series."

Friday, November 06, 2009

Stupid Naming Rights

I've got a column up at EPL Talk that should be interesting even to non-soccer fans as it deals with the naming rights issue. While peeping around the corners of the internet for images, I came across this insane Colonel Sanders of KFC album. Could it be real? May we all someday know the happiness expressed by this family.


I beg you, please peep the video found in this article. This clip is about soccer, I know, but it is still a must-peep. First off for the insane Geordie/northeastern England accents, but more importantly, far more importantly, for the dude who appears at the 1:10 mark. Completely bizarre. Maybe he is a former pig who is the victim of a curse. Could star in a remake of Steve Martin's "Roxanne."

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Sad...But True

Don Bigdoodo strolls the streets of Little Italy, like Don Homer before him, sampling donuts and basking in the glow of nailing the World Series. Don Biggz, like Frownie, was right. It's sad...but true. Only Homer Simpson dubbed in Italian could cheer me up.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Logo Trippin

I've designed a logo for EPL Talk's Podcasts.

Young Money Finna B Old Loot.

Brandon Jennings merits our respect. He said "Fuck You" to the corrupt college basketball and its enforced system of free labor. He said "Fuck You" to the Knicks for not doing the right thing and drafting him. And he says "Fuck You" to the corny Cribs idea of what wealth looks like.

A recent New York Times profile reveals that he pushes a Ford Edge. He lives in an apartment near the Bucks' training facility. Or as the Times put it, "far from downtown Milwaukee and its beckoning nightlife." I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, off to souse their souls in the French Quarter, the Deuce, the Sunset Strip, the Tenderloin...and downtown Milwaukee. No wonder Todd "Who" Day of Paul's Burger Wall of Ill Fame never made it.

Jennings, through three games, is dropppping 22, 5 and 4 while the Bucks play feisty. Nor is the only rookie picked after the Knicks selection to be making meaningful contributions in the yung season. Ty Lawson, DeMarre Carroll, Chase Budinger and DeJuan Blair are all impressing. Meanwhile, here are Jordan Hill's stats thus far:

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Shhhh, the Stallion is Sleeping

This is a stallion, resting. Majestic.

This is the Italian Stallion. He is 21 years old.

Danilo Gallinari is off to a blistering start, scoring wise at least. He's shooting 47% from the field, 50% from way downtown-YES! But how promising can his career be if he spends his bench time impersonating Larry Bird in his last days?

The Knicks have four youngsters worth developing. Of those, David Lee and Nate Robinson already seem to have reached their potential. Nate is an excellent off-the-bench weapon. David Lee could be as valuable to a team as Dennis Rodman and Ben Wallace were. Wilson Chandler could grow into a central role. Gallinari could be the next Wally Szczerz or Tommy Guggz.

Al Harrington is a swell guy who sells cheap sneakers. Larry Hughes has a winning smile. Chris Duhon looks tired. Jared Jeffries needs to eat a burger before he becomes Swizz Beatz. Darko's lasting legacy may be giving a name to fantastic blog. Jordan Hill is the guy who will represent our collective regret for not taking Brandon Jennings. Toney Douglas? He aint Sherm.

The team, ehhh, not so much. 1-4 and conceding 117 points a game. Their one win came Monday nite against a Hornet team has possibly the worst bench of any playoff team. There was a time when Byron Scott looked like the man DMX would age into. Jail hasn't ruined DMX' striking looks like it has so many others, but now he kinda resembles James Worthy.

With the Nets also off to an abysmal start, the race for the metro area's best team should be quite the schnooozer. At least they both catch love in Hov's generic latest, "Empire State of Mind." (remember, he stays hood but lives in Tribecks). Lebron will have quite the choice to make.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Many Questions...

...but at least we have a definitive answer to "what should Mark Sanchez's nickname be?" Sanchize is corny and reminds me too much of Steve Francis. After last week's hot dog-gate and this week's over the top celebration -could he have held the ball any further off his body on the way to the endzone?- on his bootleg, it's absolutely appropriate Mark Sanchez -only John "Carlos BELTRON/Rafael FOURcal" Miller is allowed to call him SanCHEZ- shall henceforth be called "El Chorizo."

Meanwhile, if the Jets are gonna sign kickoff returners from the street, why not give Chad Morton a call? He must have as much left in his tank as Justin Miller does in his. And Larry Izzo must still be tending to his burn wounds.