Tuesday, November 30, 2010

For All The Schtee In the World (Randoms From the Vault)

A very metal photo.

Impressive, if not overly accurate.

There's a lot wrong with this picture, the least of which is the pink towel. 
 The O.G. Genesis of Smoovy Suav/Suavy Smoov
And finally, just a happy reminder.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Leslie Nielsen; It was All Good, Even Dracula Dead and Loving It.

Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.  
Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
Vincent Ludwig: Drebin!
Jane: Frank!
Frank: You're both right. 
Lt. Frank Drebin: Miss, I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, and this is Captain Ed Hocken, Police Squad.
Busty Female Shop Assistant: Is this some kind of bust?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well... it's very impressive, yes, but we need to ask you a few questions.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Captain Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!
Frank: It's a topsy-turvy world, and maybe the problems of two people don't amount to a hill of beans. But this is our hill. And these are our beans! (bonus points---Coup's yearbook quote!)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Freddy Coupon's Untitled Meadowlands Review

When first documented, the sea of gray seats was received with disdain, but when you're going halfsies between a team with a red and blue color scheme and a team with a green and white one, this is one of the few options you have.

Um, where's #12? Maybe Vinny hasn't put in his retirement papers in yet because he's at home waiting for a call at the Jets' greatest hour of need. On another note, it appears as if the Jets' Ring of Honor has to be replaced every game by the Giants' equivalent: couldn't they put them on pivoting signs like the teams split the merchandise at the team store with swivel racks?

The Sanchize was gonna draw the most cheers anyway, but maybe he insisted on being the flag bearer for the post-veterans' day festivities. Not pictured: Shaun Ellis running out with a cloak before the Halloween game.

Have to give Fireman Ed credit for working the PR machine to become the Jets' de facto mascot. He may not have invented the signature chant, but he certainly staked ownership to it.

My thoughts on the stadium:
-On our way up the escalator for the Halloween game, my buddy Mike asked me if the louvers lining the building were operable and I had to break the unfortunate news to him.
-The biggest complaint about the building's facilities heard on air are about the lines for the bathrooms, and my wait lasted all of halftime, but that's probably the norm the in the upper decks of any other venue.
-I can't speak for the most common grievance, the stadium's liberal definition of satellite parking. I took the train both times, and they certainly pack them in. You get a pretty good sampling of the range of the fanbase, from the scarred old-timers to the sloshed, young ne'er-do-wells that have come to symbolize the archetypal 'Gate D' fan.
-The concourses are wider, but it's not as if the predecessor was so cramped that a change had to be made. The egg sandwich stands are a nice touch, because they do add a bit of local flavor with the use of Taylor ham (pork roll for those of us east of the Hudson), a Jersey breakfast staple.
-The four massive videoboards at each sponsor's corner aren't too intrusive or distracting. On that note, the Allianz backlash before the 2008 economic collapse is comical now, because if someone offered Mara/Tisch/Johnson $25 million a year to call the venue Hitler Field they wouldn't sign fast enough. Never, ever look a gift horse in a mouth, especially one with eight figures.
-The crowds were gamely, though as seen in every new sporting venue in the country a constant stream of traffic up and down aisles was always present. I can't hold it against the fans for sitting on their hands during the Green Bay debacle, because there wasn't a single positive play to rally behind. However, the half empty stadium during the frantic Houston comeback was inexcusable, even for SOJ veterans, because being down four points even without timeouts isn't exactly a death knell.

I'm probably done going to games for the season, though I could be swayed to going to the Buffalo season finale if the team needs it (hopefully for seeding only) or a home playoff game (extreme rarity for this franchise).

Happy Thanksgiving New York Sports Fans! (Who aren't fans of the Yankees)

Gobble-Gobble, Knick, Ranger, Met and Islander fans. No hope, no future.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Schtee Dump

A beautiful cross-section of subway life by Sam Boomz.

Because 5 hours of energy is for fucking pussies.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Oak Knows

Via Deadspin and Sports Radio Interviews:

On what he did say about the Knicks:
"I don't know."
On his message to Knicks fans:
"I just want to let the fans know I don't hate the Knicks. I love the Knicks. I go see them play."
On what is wrong with the Knicks today:
"My thing is, when you give someone $100 million, automatically they should be 41-40. If you give another guy have a max, 47. Two max guys should win you 50, 55 games. My thing is, I don't know the structure of what's going on. You can't play Around the World in the NBA, you've gotta go to the basket. … You've got enough talent that you should be .500 this year, easy."
On what he would tell Carmelo Anthony:
"I would say to make the decision for you and your family. I don't want to put something in somebody's head and then he looks back at me. I knew LeBron a lot better than Carmelo … but I like Carmelo. I don't know if he's playing with energy. He's a great scorer, now don't get me wrong. He's probably the best scorer in the league behind Kobe and Wade, just getting it done. But I don't know if he's got a sense of urgency."
On the Knicks not giving him tickets:
"I was in New York, I went to a Yankees game and I called and said, ‘Can I get tickets to the Knicks game?' They said, ‘We can't get you tickets no more to the Knicks game.' … They had tickets, but they said they didn't have no tickets for me. If they're going to tell the truth, tell the truth."
Charles Oakley joined Sid Rosenberg on WQAM in Miami to discuss LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Scottie Pippen, his Knicks, and Isiah Thomas.
On where he thinks his friend LeBron James will play next year:
“I said maybe Chicago or Miami… I think him and Wade would be great together. I can’t tell him to go to New York. New York treated me bad… When I go to the Knicks games, do you know that they have somebody that follows me around to see what I say to the press?”
On Dwight Howard:
“Dwight Howard is embarrassing Patrick (Ewing) if you ask me. He doesn’t have a ball player’s mind. And they tell me he is one of the best centers in the game. He wouldn’t have even made the league ten years ago. He would be on the bench. They say he won’t listen. Dwight won’t listen. How can you not listen to Patrick Ewing?”
On if he blames the Knicks lack of championships on Patrick Ewing:
“When we lose, they only point at us, never point at Patrick. Patrick was our leader as far as press and people who are watching TV, but the Knicks were made of a lot of tough guys and a lot of heart. I think that sometimes we let our heart get in the way instead of playing the game. A lot of times when we play the Bulls, decision making, Pat Riley was a great coach, but sometimes he didn’t make the best decisions. Sometimes players on the court, we didn’t make the best decisions. It was everybody why we didn’t win a championship. Pat was a our main leader. We stand behind him 100%. Patrick could have been more vocal for the team, but he wasn’t. I think that hurt us a little bit.”
On Sid Rosenberg, the host, admitting to being friends with Isiah Thomas:
“Not too many people like Isiah these days. You ain’t gay are you?… If you see a man kiss me, I better be in my casket.”
On Scottie Pippen:
“He’s the best athlete all-around ever to play in the NBA. Tell me somebody who can do what he could do for 48 minutes on the basketball court. He was the best all-around. He could play three positions, four positions, rebound, assists, steals… Michael was the singer and Scottie was the drummer. The didn’t need no backup singers.”
And on the possibility of a lockout in the NBA:
“With the product you got now, you better hope somebody watches you next year… The league’s bad.”

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Why the &$%# Not?


Teflon Donnie Walsh

 Even the 8 seed may be too lofty a goal for these New York Knicks. The last season the Knicks won a playoff game was in the 2000/2001 season, a first round exit to Toronto. Since then, every other team in the league has won at least one playoff game save the Charlotte Bobcats and the Memphis Grizzlies (at least Charlotte and Memphis have made the playoffs in recent years). Read that last sentence again. yeah.

The New York Post ran a poll Tuesday asking who is to blame for all this. Shockingly, "Teflon" Donnie Walsh only got 5% of the vote! What does he have to do to get raked over the coals for presiding over yet another underachieving team with no future? D'Antoni may indeed be a buffoon whose next coaching stop will be coaching A.I. in the Turkish League, but he didn't assemble this roster. Honestly, the only hope is that the Nets land 'Melo, finally move to Bucktown and usurp the 'Bockers.  Let em fade into Bolivia. 

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Every Juinior High Boy's Dream: Sex with the X-Men (Well, with the X-Ladies, you get the idea)

A mad genius has fulfilled the wishes of junior high students everywhere with an RPG game called Marvel Brothel. Professor X decides that the only way to achieve mutant-human peace is through love. Love that you pay for. Via comicsalliance.com

Monday, November 08, 2010

Young Poppers

Andy Reid was a freakin' monster! Musta started rounding into coaching shape bouncing around assistant stints until learning from the Master himself in Green Bay, Mike "The Big Show" Holmgren.

Speaking of big head coaches, Eric Mangini is hardly recognizable anymore. Rex Ryan still has several satellites in orbit, but has lost a few pounds thanks to the miracle of the lap band.

Don't Fuck With Sparky Anderson

Must-peep. They don't make managers like him anymore.

Friday, November 05, 2010

"You, Us, We Now?"

new knicks ad

More like "You Know, We Blow"

or "First round chum for the Celtics or Heat at best"

Thursday, November 04, 2010

What We Talk About When We Talk About Competitive Imbalance (Part I)

Baseball is like the anti-John Gotti, every charge sticks. Steroids? With baseball it became a congressional shitshow with ballplayers called forward to testify and out themselves in a witch hunt worthy of McCarthy. With football, no one questions how linemen have nearly doubled in size from prior generations while running and moving faster. Star NFL players get busted, serve a 4-game suspension and no one bats an eye.
And then with competitive imbalance, with baseball it's a CRISIS!!

No doubt, the lack of a salary cap allows those clubs with money to spend a decided advantage, a point Cannatar already examined in detail. But is it a crisis? And since when are small markets a protected class? Why is it worth more, or more attractive,if one of the 8 small-market hopeless teams in baseball wins rather than a big market team that wins once every 50 years?

Of course, it's worth pointing out again that baseball has more teams in big markets than the other sports. And let's not lose sight of the forest for the trees. When we talk about low World Series ratings we are not talking about people turned off from the sport because of imbalance. Has a salary cap made the NBA and the NHL explode in popularity or challenge the NFL? No.

And while the NBA has imbalance for different reasons (one star can carry a team to success), it's still worth pointing out just how hopeless it is for so many teams.

In MLB, only two teams have never appeared in a World Series, Seattle and Montreal/Washington.
In the NBA, here is the list of cities which have never appeared in the Finals:
Oklahoma City (won in Seattle)
Los Angeles Clippers
New Orleans
Atlanta (won in St. Louis)
Sacramento (won in Rochester)

To this list we can add teams that have never won, New Jersey, Orlando, Phoenix, Utah, Cleveland, Indiana and Dallas. That's more than half the league.

Put simply, the NBA offers the least hope of a championship to its fans. Sure, maybe it's not from payroll disparity (even though San Antonio is the only small market team to win a ring since the 70s), but the point remains that little hope exists for the majority of NBA teams. But again, which sport has the "CRISIS?"

Monday, November 01, 2010

Best GM since Cashen

I think Sandy Alderson was the best possible choice for GM. The Mets needed someone with enough age/experience/reputation to force the Wilpons to take a less active role in the baseball decisions. I don't know if Alderson will have relatively complete autonomy, but he has a much better chance of receiving it than Hahn, Byrnes, or Daniels would have.

It's been a long time since Alderson has been a GM, but all indications are that he'll be a modern, stat-friendly GM. Alderson was ahead of his time - an Ivy League grad without a playing/scouting background who was a GM well before that became a common resume for the position.

But, before we get too excited, I think it's important to realize that the Mets have dug themselves a decent-sized hole, and it won't be so easy to turn around the organization over night. Every other team in the division has at least one legitimate future superstar in his early 20s. In last year's rankings, Baseball America's top 3 prospects in baseball were all from the NL East (Heyward, Strasburg, Stanton). BA's mid-season rankings had the Phillies' Domonic Brown at #1. I assume the Nats' Bryce Harper will be joining him near the top of the list. Prospect expert John Sickels recently said about the Mets: "I am impressed with the depth in C+ guys. What the Mets lack are surefire elite types."

Fortunately, the Mets have more of one thing than any other team in the division: revenue potential. So, while players like Ike Davis and Jon Niese will never be superstars, the Mets can hopefully plug enough positions with these cheap young guys that they can afford to spend big on a few top free agents in the next few years and start contending for real in 2012.

In the short run, I'm pretty pessimistic about the team's chances in 2011, so I'm mostly hoping that Alderson starts spending big on draft picks and young international signings. The Mets need to build a much better farm system.

As for making bold moves, the only valuable trade assets the Mets have that could be dealt for prospects are David Wright and Jose Reyes. I understand it would be a very tough sell to the fan base unless the Mets got an elite young talent back in return for either of those guys. If I was Alderson, I'd seriously explore what the market for Wright and/or Reyes is, but might be hesitant to pull the trigger unless I was blown away by an offer. Trading Reyes makes more sense because he's a free agent at the end of the season. I'm not sure what a realistic return for him would be - Casey Kelly and Daniel Bard from the Red Sox would probably be both too much for the Sox to give up and not enough to please the NY fans.

Master....Master! (Of Pitchers).

 In honor of San Francisco's 3-1 lead and Madison Bumgarner's gem here's James Hetfield of Frisco's greatest contribution to music, Metallica. (Other contenders for the top spot from the city by the bay include the Jefferson Airplane, the Grateful Dead and Rappin' 4-Tay).