Friday, June 06, 2008

Gay or European?

The answer is both. Could there be a more embarrassing video to get caught peeping at work?

Couldn't you see A-rod starring in a video just like this? Considering the kind of shizz players like Ronaldo get away with, A-rod is clearly playing the wrong sport. Not only did Ronaldo suffer no fallout from his hooker orgy party, he got to revel in the fans increased adulation of him as a result.

Wait, where were? Watching Ronaldo take a contemplative shower--oops, out-loud voice again, no it's Euro 2008, where Ronaldo's Portugal side is one of the favorites to take it all.

This tournament, taking place in Austria and Switzerland from this Saturday, June 7th throo Saturday, June 29th, could be more entertaining than the World Cup. Why? Tighter competition between, as a whole, more great teams. Also, unlike in every major club or country competition in the world, it produces surprising winners. Italy, Brazil and Germany have historically dominated the World Cup, as highlighted by the fact that one of those three sides has featured in every World Cup Final since 1978.

The Euros, on the other hand, have had plenty of shock winners. Greece won the last time around and smaller powers such as Denmark and Czechoslovakia have won in the past.

Entertaining as the tourney will be, the format is a tad bothersome. There are four groups of four teams each and the top two teams in each group will advance. As usual, there is a Group of Death. A Group of Death that makes past Groups of Death seem as hard as So-So Def. Holland, Italy, France and Romania. Weed, Whiners, Wine and Vampires.

The complete lack of balance means that Portugal and Germany should have a cake-walk in the first round. Considering that teams went through qualifying to get here and that FIFA continually updates its list of world rankings it seems puzzling that there is no seeding to at least set it up the possibility of the best teams being alive at the end. Of course, there's something very socialist aka european about assuming that all teams are on equal footing and lumping them all into groups randomly.

At this point there should be some sort of worthless prediction right? Well, Portugal, Spain, France and Holland all have offensively talented squads that will thrill in their attack-first mindsets.

France, particularly has an impressive mix of savvy veterans and emerging youth. Make sure to keep one eye (assuming your other eye will be on a constant loop of Ronaldo showering) on France's new kids; Bafe Gomis, Samir Nasri, Karim Benzema and Franck Ribery.

Holland lost Ryan Babel for the tourney, which is a huge blow. Spain has a strong keeper in Iker Casillas, a strong midfield with Cesc Fabergas and a strong striker in El Nino, but they always choke on their own paella. Sweden has Henrik Larsson on board for one last goal splurge. Germany will rely on the emergence of that most uber-deutschly-named Mario Gomez.

Italian Cam'Ron Would Say "No Fazoole"

Of course, the laws of Footie overwhelmingly favor defenses, so expect the dour Itals to be doffing their shorts and rubbing celebratory olive oil on their chests at the final in Vienna. Now, everybody hit the showers!

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