Thursday, January 28, 2010

Lawman Segal Out for Revenge, Donuts

After a hard day of work reading other people's emails, i sought to re-imagine my legal career via Steven Segal's new show, Lawman. While I can get usually my crime fix from MSNBC's "Lockup Raw: Blasted in the Ass by The Really Bad Guys in Indiana State Prison", A&E comes through with the goods on such shows as "The First 48", where hard nosed detectives acquire murder confessions from tweens duly misinformed of their Miranda rights, (by cop shows, natch) and appeals to "do the right thing" regardless of all the wrong that the system has done to them. But outrage soon overtook the gentle dreams that were hovering just out of reach.

When we are introduced to the Lawman, Segal is dressed in full cop regalia with high impact sunglasses, his jowls oozing over his collar. He and about ten cops in unnecessary SUV's drive by some people in the projects. They say "looks like some drug activity going on" (looks like friendly pounds to me) and promptly pull up, flash their lights, declare they smell weed, and cuff a young dunny while hurling harsh accusations. Said dunny gives a false name (the greatest offense of the night) and this predictably angers a cop. Then they look around and see his car nearby. They declare they smell weed and claim they see residue. They search the car throughly, and when they can't open the trunk, they call in a canine, which finds nothing as well. I would imagine a nice apology is in order for the blatant profiling, but instead, they get Lawman all over the innocent kid. They take the poor dood in for an unpaid parking ticket, but with the ominous voiceover music and b&w shots, you'd think he's gettin life. Segal doesn't try to defend the underdog, as his movie personna often does, instead murmuring assent to agressive tactics on innocents and confirming to excited arrestees that he is indeed, Segal. What's next, arresting the cast of the Jersey Shore for aggravated carb use, Bro?


Bryan said...

Tis no man, tis Sam Boomsley, not to be imitated. Classic.

Do you guys remember when I thought Sam Boomsley was an actual person who I had never met?

coachie said...

is that true bryman?? that is fantastic.

as for "lawman" i must say i've enjoyed the show when i've watched it, this particular episode sounds like he acted wack, but in others he acts as a calm sensei to the youth and his fellow officers.

good point about the SUVs, they are obnoxious. what happened to awesome chevy sedans?

Bryan said...

I think we were counting football guys for one day and I was confused because I expected both Sam and Dan to show up, and I was like "Aren't we waiting for someone...?"

Or something like that. Let's go with that.