Pedro The Bully

"I want you to throw the next pitch at the mascot."
"Why would I do something like that?"
"Just throw it at the bull... he won't charge, I promise."

Sock It To 'Em

PEDRO'S BIG BAT LEADS METS OVER
WASHINGTON FAT CATS

Met-Inez wild in first start but notches 6K's, RBI single
Mets Complete A 12K
Carlos and Carlos Go Deep
He's Duaner Than You Are
Game Delayed Four Times Due To Brawl, Injured Umpire, Argument, Difficult "Mets Trivia"

BREAKING NEWS:

JOSE GUILLEN DESPERATELY TRIES TO ESCAPE NATIONALS

"I'm no Angel, but I don't deserve this," he sez

He doesn't know where it's going, folks

Pedro Walks 5, Hits 3

MUH-HA-HA!!

Somewhere in Met Closer Heaven Harmando Boonitez unleashes a hearty chortle, "MUH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!!!!" then resumes beating his girlfriend.
Wags Officially becomes a Met, blows save, Mets fall in "free baseball" time 9-5.
"MUST-WIN" for Pedro tonite. Wait, what?

This Is How We Do

Mets Baseball!
"This is How We Do..." -Fitty
Mets dead Nats 3-2, Lo Duca "Cheats," Chris Berman contributes "Royce-A-Roni Clayton" in forced reference to Clayton being a former San Fran Giant, Berman goes on to unabashedly declare man-love for David Wright who knocks homer and parts Flushing Bay, Glavine-despite old and withered face-pitches decently, calling Nady "X-Man" an affront to the memory and awesomeness of Xavier McDaniel

Scenes from Opening Day part II

Chisox Celebrate First Title in 88 Years, Unveil New Mascot

Scenes from Opening Day.

Bobby V Defies Bud Selig, Sneaks into Shea Opener

Clemens Struggles With Decision, Hot Dog, Nachos or Burrito. Decides on All Three, Adds Sausage.

PED-NO!!!
Pedro Breaks Wrist Waving to Fans

Shea Stadium Groundskeeper and Usher Storm Field...oh, wait..

Barbara Bush Tosses Out First Pitch for Astros
"She's Really Let Herself Go." sez Roy Oswalt
"Barbara Means To Eat, and Bush means ennnnnh!" sez Borat

Morganna "the kissing bandit" Makes Triumphant Return to Bigs
Wade Boggs, reached for comment, sobs "I'm Bald."

Minnesota Twins arrive from Distant Future
"Mediocre Baseball" is their gift from far-off time

Thanks, Beautiful