In Case You Wanted the World To Know That Delonte West Had Sex With Lebron James' Mom via a T-Shirt

By KissMyAssLeBron, via the always excellent 64 and Counting.

Replacing the All-Star Game with the World Baseball Classic.

 Shortstop is ready. And get that pitcher some raisins.

The World Baseball Classic is a great idea and a lot of fun. The All-Star game was a good idea but is not anymore and is not fun.

Before television sports relied almost entirely on gate receipts. Fans in American League towns almost never got to see the stars of the National League and vice-versa. Today, obvi, we see the highlights of every game on-demand. More importantly, fans in America have largely fallen out of love with the game of baseball itself. Oh sure, we love going to the new ballparks and scarfing all the ill new food available. We love to root on our own teams towards glory. But there are very few fans who like watching baseball.

Meaning that a Cub fan would watch a Sunday Night game between the Braves and Mets, whereas a Bear fan is likely to peep a Sunday Night game betwixt the Falcons and the Giants. Football fans, college and pro, will watch almost any matchup of teams not their own. Most basket fans are the same. Part of it is tastes changing, after all, it wasn't too long ago that baseball, boxing and horse racing were by far the dominant sports. Part of it is the perception, true or not, that in football and basketball we are watching raw athleticism, that we are getting fast-paced play packed with action highlights whereas baseball is the gentle game concentrated on statistical accumulation.

All of which goes toward saying that the baseball All-Star game, as an exhibition, doesn't offer the viewing public much. Whereas the World Baseball Classic has juice.

There is a misconception that the American sports are not international. In Soccernomics, an otherwise-brilliant book by Stefan Szymanski and Simon Kuper, the authors argue that American insuralism meant that its sports did not spread beyond its borders while British ambition made soccer the global game.

"The American empire's favorite games have been no good at cultural imperialism...few American[s] ever taught baseball or football to [foreigners]."

Bullshit. Putting aside how soccer remains extremely unpopular in all of Britain's former colonies (Canada, South Africa, India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, Australia and New Zealand) , baseball is an established international game. Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Mexico, Venezuela, Panama, Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico. I'm comfortable putting that list up against other international sports like cricket or rugby.

All of which goes toward saying that the World Baseball Classic is a legit tournament offering the viewing public serious juice both in terms of the strong teams in it and the appeal of nationalist rooting.

But it doesn't get taken seriously when played in March. So how about this:

Cancel the All-Star Break. Hold a yearly World Baseball Classic. Make the midsummer break 4 or 5 days. Play a final four during that break. Two reps from Asia and two reps from the Americas.

Play the preliminaries in early spring for each of the two regions. So in early spring, South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, China, Australia and South Africa, (the latter two not in Asia I know, but closer to there than to the Americas), plays for two spots in the midsummer final four. Meanwhile, the U.S., Mexico, Cuba, P.R., D.R., Panama and Venezuela play for two spots in the midsummer final four. What if the U.S. doesn't make it to the final four? So what? 24 million people in the U.S. just watched the World Cup final between Espana and Los Paises Bajos.

To allay the fears of the Major League clubs, games could be limited to 7 innings and pitchers could go no longer than 4 innings or 70 pitches.

What if the U.S. played Japan for the world baseball championship on t.v. last night instead of a meaningless exhibition? Money over bullshit.

Will Anyone Diss the Knicks in Print?

As a Met, Knick and St. John's fan, much of my sports media consumption is to find well-written expressions of my miserable fan experience. Yet, throughout the disastrous Donnie Walsh-Mike D'Antoni era, nary a peep of criticism has been heard. (Save the ever-excellent Peter Vecsey, simply the best basketball writer in the biz, bar none).

Everyone, from Vaccarro through Serbz through Lupica through national voices like Bill Simmons, preached patience as the Knicks cleared cap room for a run at LeG.O.D.D.

Yet no one would dare speak of a Plan B. Because there was no Plan B.

Walsh played the role of hero, ridding the team of albatross contracts. But this clearance came at the expense of draft picks, with Walsh's most disastrous trade being the one for Tracy McGrady. T-Mac cost us our 2009 lottery pick, our 2012 pick and Houston can swap their pick for ours in 2011. Three first-round picks for two months of creaky knees and outside shots!!!! Walsh should have been smeared across the front page for that move alone. 

Instead, it's Lebron's fault! He turned down our glitz, our glamour! That jackass chose competing for a title over Cindy Adams!! It sure seems like Cleveland is handling LeBron's decision better than New York, based on newsprint alone.

What a jackass! LeBron can go live it up in South Beach, make his cash, compete for a title, and swoop into NYC on a private jet whenever he feels like partying without paying NY taxes and without playing for a shitty team, just like every other baller in the world does. What a moron!

Finally, however, some are daring to diss the Knicks. Chris Sheridan of ESPN nails the Knick mess hard in a column released over the weekend. Everything in it is the absolute sad truth. Every NY baskets writer should plagiarize this piece over and over, beating us over the head with the futility of the Knicks' future until thousands gather en masse outside the Sbarro's across from the Garden, clutching their Posts, with the tears streaming down their faces only making their $4 slices soggier.

Here's Sheridan's projected Knick roster for this fall:
PG: Toney Douglas, TBD.
SG: Wilson Chandler, Azubuike, Rautins.
SF: Gallinari, Bill Walker, Landry Fields.
PF: Stoudemire, Randolph.
C: Turiaf, Curry, Jerome Jordan.

The Knick ceiling for this season is, what, the 7th seed? Boston, Orlando, Miami, Chicago and Atlanta are locks to finish above them. Charlotte and Milwaukee are better, I say. Leaving us to duke it out with the improved Wizz, the Sixers, the Raptors and Nets for the 8th seed. This is the payoff for two years of nothingness? This, in a league where it is laughably easy to make the playoffs. Did we need Walsh to get us in position for the 8th seed? Yahoo auto-draft the past 2 years could have assembled an 8th seed roster.

Walsh, now out to save his neck, literally, talks about all the cap space available in 2011 and 2012. Why stop there?? How much can we clear for the big free-agent class of 2022? Who's in it? Who cares! We'll have cap room! The Knicks don't have the luxury of just throwing money at players. As LeBron has shown, and as Kobe showed in his free agent year, the best of the best want the money AND a chance to win. 1 out of 2 won't cut it.

Name one NBA Champ that did not have a home-drafted star. No NBA champ is built on free agents alone. The Heat were only able to sign LeBron and Bosh because they had Wade, who they drafted. The Celtics drafted Rondo and Pierce and were able to trade for KG because they had drafted a player, Al Jefferson, whom other teams wanted. The Spurs drafted Duncan, Manu, Tony Longoria and David Robinson. The Pistons drafted Tayshaun and made savvy trades for Rip, Ben Wallace and Rashweed. The Lakers made a draft-day trade for Kobe, traded for Gasol and wisely turned their one big free agent signing into Lamar.

Bar a few blips like Mark "The Helicopter" Jackson and Rod "Smoofy Suave" Strickland, the Knicks have had a mediocre draft record since the "gift" of Patrick Ewing. They've never done what every other team has done to get to the top. Bottom out completely and rebuild through the draft. The C's did it. The Spurs did it. The Heat did it. The 'Stones did it. The Cavs did it. The Magic did it. The Bulls did it. Everyone's doing it, so why can't we?

From day one, Donnie Walsh's plan should have been to trade for as many draft picks as possible while fielding a young team that would grow but also finish amongst the bottom to angle for a top-3 pick. Instead we get the same free-agent farce that will restrict the Knicks for well into the next decade. 'Sheep with cell phones," where are you when we need you Mark Kriegel?

The Greatest Heel Trio Since...

LeBron and Everything We Need to Learn About Being Sports Fans Comes From One Scene in 'A Bronx Tale'

"Are you a Yankee fan? Sit down. Come over here. Sit next to me. You must be pretty upset after the Yankees lost."

"Bill Mazeroski, I hate him. He made Mickey Mantle cry. The papers said the Mick cried."

"Mickey Mantle? That's what you're upset about? Mantle makes $75,000 a year. How much does your father make?"
"I don't know."

"You don't know. If your dad needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don't care about you. Why care about him? Nobody cares."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you shoot that man over a parking space?"
"When you get older, you'll understand."

"From that day on, I never felt the same about the Yankees."

The 40/40 Club is Soulless and Hollow Just Like Jay-Z; Why LeBron Should Not Come to New York

 The above ad was from Monday's Daily News (not to be confused with L.A.'s own sominex-on-wax which somehow snatched the dailynews.com web handle away from Morty Zucks).

I didn't realize International Hov took his interior design inspiration from Bounce Deuce. The ESPNZone is dead, long live the ESPNZone!

Does this picture evoke the glamour that LeG.O.D.D. is supposed to experience by coming to the Knicks or Nets? Do they not have a B.J.'s Pizza in Bath?

Frownie's already been all over Stupid Time and made the more-than-convincing case for Cleveland while eviscerating all the media junk out there. Frownie's most convincing argument is that a LeBron title won right for E.199 and Eternal would be monumentally more meaningful than one won for Madison Avenue.

Not all titles are created equal. Wade's won one in Miami which will be remembered for shady foul calls and not much else. Those short-suffering Miami fans celebrated and quickly reverted their attention back to Techno Music, cuban coffee and Tha U (can you blame them, tho?)

Years ago, driving back to Manhattan after some sticks, I stopped at the Mobil station that's on the Grand Central Parkway. Ron Artest was filling up his giant Escalade at the pump two over from me. I yelled out, "You gotta come to the Knicks!" He replied with a wry, knowing smile, "I know man, I know."

Ron-Ron yearned to go home and play for his team. Most players never get that chance to do that AND make the most money. Then again, imagine how fucking cool it would be to hang at the 40/40??

Photoshop Love from The Guardian

 Your boy Coachie caught love in the digital pages of the Guardian, as they featured a photoshop I made of German coach Joachim Low. Here is the link to the Guardian's gallery, frozen out of the top three again tho.

And here is my other, unselected submission:

Omar Infante?

I try not to get too worked up about the All-Star selections, but Omar Infante? Jeff Passan has the ridiculousness pretty well covered, but JoePoz sums it up in one sentence:
"The All-Star Game is loaded with bizarre choices through the years, but I think it’s quite possible that Omar Infante is the most bizarre in baseball history."

Also, I had never heard of Evan Meek until he got selected for the team yesterday.

In more joyous news, a glimmer of hope that Wilpon could sell the team.

Conan The Barbarian The Musical and Conan Massive House Music

This would be a lot funnier if the dude's impersonation were better and not even worthy of watching except for the awesome footage:

But this, well this is simply massive:

Right Church, Wrong Pew

One of the best viral campaigns ever, but it's composition barely misses the mark.

Marx, Engels, Lenin...Mikhail, Hova, Bron? Hoops fans unite!
The oppression of Madison Square Garden is at an end!

Amazing Find By Uniwatch on Three-Way Game Played by Dodgers, Giants and Yankees

Uniwatch turns out amazing nuggets daily. Today's gem is that in 1944, with the War raging, the Yankees, Giants and Dodgers all played each other in one game in a fundraising effort. I can recall playing some exhibition three-way sticks in NYC, one time I think was with Cannatar and a work buddy of mine at a very crowded L.I.C.. Out here in L.A., Coachette, B-town and I played a couple of three-pitcher exhibitions.

Here's the link to the story:

The Eternal Debate over Soccer Rule Changes; and Don't Let Mick Jagger Near Your World Cup Squidad

Mick Jagger is the Harbinger of Doom, first for the U.S. on Saturday and then on Sun and Hun Sunday for England. Hopefully Micky Bigmouth and Slick Willie bluetoothed Too $hort while they were swapping tail tales.

On the more serious tip, like 50-cent and J.T. said, let's ayo technology (but f Timbaland for ripping off Crystal Castles). Reprinted from EPL Talk (a must read site if you're following the World Cup):

Sunday’s refereeing blunders, following the many glaring group stage errors, have reignited a debate over changing the sport’s rules. Some favor video replay, some favor an additional referee who would only monitor each goal area, while others would like a sensor-system for goals similar to that used in hockey. Of all the ideas, the addition of another referee seems to have the most realistic chance as it has already been implemented on an experimental basis in competitions like this past season’s Europa League.

However, the debate should not obscure the fact that goals like Frank Lampard’s simply have to be called correctly by the referees on the pitch. There were four eyes directly on the action, those of referee Jorge Larrionda and those of assistant Mauricio Espinosa. How did both these men blow the call? Are the assistants too timid to voice their opinion over the headsets (technology!) they use to communicate with each other? An additional referee stationed behind the goal may well have called Lampard’s call correctly, but keep in mind again that two were already watching the play today and still couldn’t get it right.

Moreover, before changing the rules, shouldn’t Fifa ensure that only the best of the best get to referee World Cup matches? If they are only using the best of the best then explain how Larrionda,  who was suspended for six months for “irregularities” and forced to bow out of the 2002 World Cup, is allowed to referee in the most important tournament there is. Explain how referee Martin Hansson, he who allowed Theirry Henry’s handball goal, is even in South Africa working as a fourth official and on the list of reserve referees. Get the referee selection right, then worry about rule changes.

Of course, we may be asking too much of referees to make such crucial decisions when the game is faster than ever. All the more reason to give them better tools to work with. The traditionalists may bemoan any tinkering whatsoever. But then again, cricket, rugby and tennis, all international sports with traditions, history, and conventionality that rival football, have all introduced technology to improve the chance that a call is made correctly.

 

Moreover, would the introduction of video replay, an additional referee or a microchipped ball be so drastic in a sport that has seen the introduction of such rule changes as allowing three substitutions, adding linesmen, deciding draws via penalties, awarding three points for a win, eliminating the backpass, adding red and yellow cards, and the various changes to the offside law?

Prince Harry First Pitch at the Mets Game, and Sly Stallone to Play John Gotti??

Sylvester Stallone, apparently putting aside the urgent pressure from me to make Rambo 5, Rocky 7 and Expendables 2, is in talks to play John Gotti in a movie, as reported by the Daily Mail. I love Stallone, but I don't think he has the chops to play someone as smoofy suave/suavy smoof as the Teflon Don. It's also a tuff physical fit. The Don was Dapper in a way far different from Stallone's machismo-ooze.

 Stallone leaving dinner in Bev Hillz with John Gotti, Jr.
-----

The Mail also featured fotos of Prince Harry, the one with hair in the family, throwing out the first pitch at the Mets game.

Look at all those ads scattered haphazardly about the place. But oh, that's right, Shea was tacky. What a joke. 

Should You Find Yourself in Trouble...

which reminds me of Chris Childs' shining moment:

Good Question

Bruce Davidson's Source Photo For the Beastie Boys Ill Communication Album Cover

Always ill to hear the original samples in the rap game, like Wendy Rene's "After Laughter," the source for the Wu's "Tearz," or Isaac Hayes' "Hung up on My Baby," the source for the Geto Boys' "Mind Playing Tricks on Me," or the Isley Brothers' "Footsteps in the Dark," the source for Ice Cube's "It Was a Good Day."

The Beastie Boys made their living off sampling to the max. Turning little nuggs like Cheap Trick's earnest intro of "This next song is the first song on our new album" to "Surrender" on their epic live 'At Budokan" album into the intro for Check Your Head's "Jimmy James."

I recently came across this picture, by a photographer named Bruce Davidson, the source for the cover of "Ill Communication." Always dug the cover, cuz it seemed like John Belushi. Well, NBC Saturday Mornings taught us right, the more you know.....

R.A. Dickey Joins the Hallowed Hall of Met Immortals

The Mets won again, behind R.A. Dickey who tied a team record for a starter by winning his first five decisions joining Bobby "The Other Other O.J." Bobby Ojeda in '86, Armando "Painoso" Reynoso in '97 and Kenny "Ball Four" Rogers in '99.

The Yankees had a Mascot?

Apparently so.

What's a girl to do?

Bars. AND clubs.

BACK THE F UP! (Hot Pics Are Here)

Didn't come out so clear, but if you zoom in on the above 2 pics, you might be able to see that blue Clippers jersey being sported by Kevin James' stunt double reads "FU Sterling"

Cartman's, and Bizman's, greatest fear, a hippie drum circle about the grow exponentially.

And this was taken on my bike ride home after the Laker-Celtic game around 8:15 PM. Randy Newman was right.