Pedro Park

WHO'S YOUR PADRE?
Ocean's 11: Ped-no K's Fans 11 Friars.


Piazza Debates Merits of Pantene Pro-V with Disbelieving Ump who stares longingly into Mike's Eyes before whispering, "If things don't work out with Sam Champion, give me a call...slugger."


Your Intreprid Reporter Goes Undercover at bland Petco Park, stands proud and loud with Mets Massive as Friar Fans Fail to Fight Back.


No Swine in my Sight, No Pork on My Fork as Randy Jones' Outfield BBQ runs out of the other white meat by 5th Inning!

Operation Shutdown!

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Operation Hide-That-Crack

Tampa Po-Po's Pull Over Derek Bell, Find "Still-Warm" Crack Pipe in Back Seat.

Operation Shutdown Entering Third Year.

Hold yer Horses

Irrational Exuberance

Los Bravos snag 2 of 3 from light-hitting Metsies

Glavine Brought it, Hudson Brought it Better.

41,000 Enjoy Afternoon Delight.

V for (not) Victorious!

BRAVE OLD WORLD
SNAFU at SHEA.
Kyle Davies Works out the "Kinks" for Complete Game. (Get It? No? The Kinks?) -sigh-
Somewhere, Shea Jones Smiles in Her Daddy's Arms.
Feliz Navidad, Other Pedro Works Three Scoreless Frames.
"I'm Looking Forward to Being More Consistent," says Victor "Self-Zing" Zambrano.
Shea Faithful Haven't Seen This Much "Stuff" Since Dave Mlicki.

Two Hundred

PEDRO PARTIES LIKE IT'S 1976, GOES BICENTENNIAL ON BRAVES
Petey Notches 8Ks, Goes To 3-0
X Still Gonna Give It To Ya: Nady Goes Deep Again
Del-Gotit Homers For 2nd Straight Game
Duaner And Wags Finish The Job
Beltran Sits Again With Hammy Injury

METS OFF TO SECOND GREATEST START IN HISTORY OF SPORTS

They won't repeat the first

I am the Great Boo-lio

I Give BP with my pitches.
Inept Boolio mars Mets blowout win with gopherballs galore.

THUNDERSDAY AFTERNOON?

Mets hit three first inning homers, lead Nationals

Take A Seat, Nationals

PEDRO SITS DOWN NATIONALS, 3-1
Petey goes to 2-0 behind 7 inning, 3K performance
Carlos B. (2-3, RBI) and Carlos D (2-4, RBI) do it again
Billy Club hammers 'em in ninth
Get the coffee ready: 1 p.m. start today

GETTIN' WIGGY WITH IT!

Ty Wiggs finally avenges himself, hits dinger off Benson!


Unphased Benson says "I know bazongas, and that was no bazonga."

Jim Duquette admits mistake, but would still do Kazmir for Zambrano "in a heartbeat."


Jorge Julio unavailable for comment; reportedly at buffet.

Number five is alive!

AMAZIN'S INCREASE TO 5-1
Banner win for Bannister (7 innings, 1 run)
Wright's got double stuff, 10 RBI
Reyes continues hot start, takes another trip
Wagner walks 3 in ninth. Getting it out of his system?

I WAS SAYING BOO-ELTRAN

Carlos goes deep, silences haters for another day

New Mets Slogan Unveiled

"Just Play Ball" to replace "The Team. The Time" as '06 slogan, MLB sez.
4-1 Mets take on Nats again tomorrow after Wright Stuff leads them over Fish and Dontrellis, 3-2
Beltran scores winning run on Star (of) David's sac fly in 9th
Amazin' Again: 20 years later, Mets back in first place

SIGH OF RELIEF


No game scheduled for "Day Without Immigrants"

HARDBALL IS BACK!!!

"HARDBALL IS BACK!" Indeed. Sadly, the promise of 1992 comes fourteen (14) years too late to save the souls of Bret "Never Hatin'" Saberhagen, Bobby "I'll Show You The Bronx" Bo,

Vinny "Choo-Choo" Coleman, "E-Z" Eddie Murray, and

Frank "Royal" Tanana"-baum."

"God Speed," says Ryan Thompson before using one of his five (5) tools to piece together cardboard box to sleep in.

"You want cheese on that or what?" demands Eddie Murray when reached for comment behind the grill at the Flamin' Embers on East 86th Street.

Peep this from the 1993 Times:

By ADAM BRYANT
Published: March 26, 1993
The New York Mets' record last season left a lot to be desired. That's why for the 1993 season, the ball club is introducing a campaign that focuses on the experience of attending baseball games rather than the outcome of the games.
"You make the call" serves as the theme for two humorous 30-second commercials, created by TBWA Advertising in New York. In one spot, a hot dog is passed through a stadium crowd to a young boy who delightfully takes a bite. "Hot dog and a cold one," is superimposed on the screen followed by "Or . . . Another night of takeout." On the screen, a man is featured receiving a greasy bag of takeout food, while the same boy grimaces in disgust.
Stephen Wakeen, vice president and management supervisor at TBWA, said yesterday that it was "only natural" to change approaches from last year, when a campaign unfortunately promised fans "Hardball is back."

9-3 Mets
"Scoreboard," says Trachsel to lowly Fish
Trax smax Mets 10,000th two-bagger
Professor X Nady continues home schooling of NL East pitchers
Jorge Boolio = the next Rich Rodriguez?

Pedro The Bully

"I want you to throw the next pitch at the mascot."
"Why would I do something like that?"
"Just throw it at the bull... he won't charge, I promise."

Sock It To 'Em

PEDRO'S BIG BAT LEADS METS OVER
WASHINGTON FAT CATS

Met-Inez wild in first start but notches 6K's, RBI single
Mets Complete A 12K
Carlos and Carlos Go Deep
He's Duaner Than You Are
Game Delayed Four Times Due To Brawl, Injured Umpire, Argument, Difficult "Mets Trivia"

BREAKING NEWS:

JOSE GUILLEN DESPERATELY TRIES TO ESCAPE NATIONALS

"I'm no Angel, but I don't deserve this," he sez

He doesn't know where it's going, folks

Pedro Walks 5, Hits 3

MUH-HA-HA!!

Somewhere in Met Closer Heaven Harmando Boonitez unleashes a hearty chortle, "MUH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAAA!!!!!" then resumes beating his girlfriend.
Wags Officially becomes a Met, blows save, Mets fall in "free baseball" time 9-5.
"MUST-WIN" for Pedro tonite. Wait, what?

This Is How We Do

Mets Baseball!
"This is How We Do..." -Fitty
Mets dead Nats 3-2, Lo Duca "Cheats," Chris Berman contributes "Royce-A-Roni Clayton" in forced reference to Clayton being a former San Fran Giant, Berman goes on to unabashedly declare man-love for David Wright who knocks homer and parts Flushing Bay, Glavine-despite old and withered face-pitches decently, calling Nady "X-Man" an affront to the memory and awesomeness of Xavier McDaniel

Scenes from Opening Day part II

Chisox Celebrate First Title in 88 Years, Unveil New Mascot

Scenes from Opening Day.

Bobby V Defies Bud Selig, Sneaks into Shea Opener

Clemens Struggles With Decision, Hot Dog, Nachos or Burrito. Decides on All Three, Adds Sausage.

PED-NO!!!
Pedro Breaks Wrist Waving to Fans

Shea Stadium Groundskeeper and Usher Storm Field...oh, wait..

Barbara Bush Tosses Out First Pitch for Astros
"She's Really Let Herself Go." sez Roy Oswalt
"Barbara Means To Eat, and Bush means ennnnnh!" sez Borat

Morganna "the kissing bandit" Makes Triumphant Return to Bigs
Wade Boggs, reached for comment, sobs "I'm Bald."

Minnesota Twins arrive from Distant Future
"Mediocre Baseball" is their gift from far-off time

Thanks, Beautiful