Hey Who Dat Is?

I bet that's just my baby daddy.
(This can never be posted enough.)

Trey Songz Blowing Up the Radio with "Say Ahh" and "I Invented Sex"

Like Uatu the Watcher it is only my duty to observe, not judge or interfere. So I must report that Trey Songz aka Radio Killer aka Trigga is absolutely blowing shit up right now, dominating the airwaves with 2 str8 club-bangrrrz simultaneously, "Say Aaaah" and "I invented Sex."

Lyrics worthy of a Sam Boomz in his prime:

Go girl its ya birthday
Open wide I know you're thirsty
Say ahhh  (hey)
Say ahhh
And we don't buy no drinks at the bar
Pop champagne cause we got that dough
Let me hear you say ahhh

Shorty dance like a video vixen
Said her man be on that bullshit pimpin
Well I retired from the bull like Pippen
Try to get you home or would you be Marge Simpson
Whip out front we can leave like pronto
Maple leave glass got you feeling like Toronto
Make your body rise like your puffing on a joint though
Girl that's only if you want tho
Since we in the club for now
Might as well get another round
I notice it aint nothing in your cup
So get here baby let me fill it up
Also, here's a blind G named "Arnauz" who looks like Levar Burton from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and "Reading Rainbow" interpreting the genius of Trey Songz via Yamaha keyboard. 

FOX Baseball Blackout Policy is Foul and Depraved.

L.A. Stickball Opening day 2010 got off to a late start this past Saturday as Coachette, Coups and myself attended the Lincecum stifling of the Dodgers in the early afternoon. What began with bemusement at seeing the 0-0 Mets-Cards score on Dodger Stadium's incredibly janky O.O.T.S. (out-of-town scoreboard) turned into confused horror as we checked the blackberry for updates betwixt sticks at-bats.

After I suffered a 1-0 loss in 7 we rushed to a sports bar, the lovely Sports Harbour in MDR to catch the game. Tv's everywhere, showing only K.G. throwing bows and Kings-'Nucks. I meekly asked the bar wench to put on FOX and was met with confused stares as a Married.....with Children episode was on. Patiently, she scrolled through all the MLB Extra Innings and even the MLB mix channel before it dawned on Coups......the game was blacked out in L.A.!! The long-over Dodgers-Giants was the regional FOX game, which precluded the Mets-Cards epic from being shown anywhere out hrrr. So even subscribers who had shelled out for the MLB Extra Innings package in L.A. couldn't watch!

If Coups and I had gone back to my place after sticks we could have easily caught the game on any number of shady streams. (one of which infected my computer thus forcing me to write this post from Coachette's Macbook complete with lack of right mouse click -ugh-). But still, if you can't catch a regular season game in a bar in the 21st century well, then I don't know what to say about your sport.

Ike Davis is the next Pedro Martinez?

Baseball America ranked Ike Davis #62 on its 2010 Top 100 Prospect list.

Without commentary, I present the #62's from each of BA's previous lists:

Gorkys Hernandez, of, Braves
Carlos Triunfel ss, Mariners
Jeff Clement, c, Mariners
Troy Patton, lhp, Astros
James Loney, 1b, Dodgers
Bobby Jenks rhp, Angels
Clint Everts, rhp, Expos
Brad Wilkerson, of, Expos
Alex Cintron, ss, Diamondbacks
Pablo Ozuna, 2b/ss, Marlins
Junior Herndon, rhp, Padres
Damian Jackson, ss, Reds
Ben Petrick, c, Rockies
Mike Drumright, rhp, Tigers
Ron Villone, lhp, Mariners
Kurt Miller, rhp, Marlins
Pedro Martinez, rhp, Dodgers
Alex Gonzalez, ss, Blue Jays
Carlos Garcia, ss, Pirates
Wilfredo Cordero, ss, Expos

Chillaxin After A Tuff Day

Props to this tumblr site featuring my mans and them.

The Hammock District

It's on 3rd. Couldn't stop in- may not have made it out.

The Bridge Is Over

I transport more weight than the Florida Keys.

New York Mets Uniform Changes for 2011

 MetsBlog and Uniwatch reported that the Mets are considering removing the piping from their jerseys for 2011. Took a stab at envisioning what they would look like sans blue piping. Meh.

Get Comfortable, Brah

Built-in 30 SPF so you don't ruin your fake tan with a real tan.

Amusements

Circa-1900 magazine articles asking what would happen if insects were huge (answer: bad things).

Overheard and seen in L.A.

Photo by Coachette at the corner of Slauson and Crenshaw, for Woody's BBQ.
----
Saturday, 9 AM, Temescal Canyon Park; two middle-aged men strolling clutching large cups of Starbucks Coffee.
"You know, I'm turning 40! I need to get married."
"huh-huh, having a mid-life crisis eh?"
"I'm serious, it's just something I need to do."

I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City lately (yeah? so?), it's exactly what Charlotte announced before hurriedly marrying Trey. 
----

I watched the Braves-Giants game Sunday night to peep Tim Lincecum get nasty. The Giants hosted a reunion of their 2000 NL West winning team. At one point during the game, Jeff Kent joined the broadcast booth. He donned a Lincecum wig, then explained, in a comment sure to infuriate stat-geeks, that he tells young players wherever he goes, "The Money lies in the R.B.I.'s."

Whether it's true or not, it's a beautiful sentence. Say it out loud, repeat it as if it were an 'ohm' like mantra. The Money Lies in the R.B.I.s-The Money Lies in the R.B.I.'s-The Money Lies in the R.B.I.'s"

post script: Jeff Kent earned more than $86 million in his career and finished with 1,518 R.B.I.'s. The probable Hall of Famer was traded for Carlos "Cabeza" Baerga and Alvaro Espinoza.

Sunset Over ChiTown

The Old Ballfield

Playing around to create some "panoramic" shots:

Nic Cage's Bel Air Mansion Put Up For Foreclosure Sale

"The reason I will not exhibit this picture is that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul."

"And man shall be just that for the ubermensch: a laughingstock or a painful embarrassment…"

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful."   

Who wants to buy Nic Cage's house? (No one.)

He had asked for $35 million and had found no takers. At the foreclosure it was put up for bid for $10 million but still no bites. Such were/are his money woes that he had six different mortgages on the house. The interior is described as "fascinating and bizarre" (compliments in my book). Unique touches include 300 comic book covers elaborately framed and hanging on the walls, a model train set on raised tracks a couple feet below the ceiling that circles the inside of the breakfast room and two bedrooms, a central "entertainment" tower, custom wine cellar, 35-seat home theater, six bedrooms, nine bathrooms and an Olympic-size pool. Former owners include Dean Martin and Tom Jones, so it's seen a lot of partying.

Rumble Fish, Raising Arizona, Moonstruck, Honeymoon in Vegas, Leaving Las Vegas, The Rock, Face/Off.

Where did it all go wrong? Oh yeah..."Not the bees! AHHHHHHH Ahgarbulagabah Oh no-my eyes! My eyes! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHhhhurgh!"

(Random side note: Neil LaBute, who directed In the Company of Men, directed the aforementioned Wicker Man remake and directed the upcoming Chris Rock/Martin Lawrence banger Death at a Funeral). 

Pure Energy

(With respect to Information Society)... South Beach at a reallllly slow shutter speed:


He may have been on his way here. This gentleman is the partying man's Matthew McConaughey:

(Please excuse the abrupt end of the video, the music was just too intense to ensure the safety of the camera.)

We Do, And We Did

Miz Biz sped up to catch a glimpse of the partymobile speeding its way down A1A (BEACHFRONT AVENUE!) The Vengabus was nowhere to be found.

Umpire Calls Yankees and Red Sox a Disgrace to Baseball for Slowing the Game Down

 Umpire Joe West speeding things up.

Baseball fans want the game sped up. Owners may publicly proclaim that they do as well, but must secretly love 3+hour games that allow fans at the ballpark more time to shop for t-shirts, scarf sausages and guzzle beers. Cue Ted DiBiase: "Money, Money, Money."

Commissioner Bud Selig has repeatedly mentioned that speeding up the game was one of his priorities. Still, it was surprising to read, as originally reported by NorthJersey.com (bro) and the New York Post, Umpire Joe West publicly call out the Yankees and Red Sox for their pace of play that makes time seem to pass through porridge.

"I understand it's strategy," West said. "I understand they're trying to set up the count and take so many pitches...They're the two clubs that don't try to pick up the pace."

"It's pathetic and embarrassing. They take too long to play."

In one embarrassing sequence from Tuesday night, Home Plate Ump Angel Hernandez denied Derek Jeter's request for time. Jeter stepped out of the box anyway.

There's no need to be stepping out of the box to take a few practice hacks after every pitch, this aint the World Series, it's the regular season. It's not like basketball players get to step off the free-throw line to practice their stroke in-between free throws. NLF kickers don't get to take a couple of practice run-ups to the holder on the field. Soccer players don't get a couple of phantom kicks at goal before a penalty shot.

Here's a simple proposal that would provide a bright-line rule and speed the game up without making a fundamental change to the game: Allow the batter exactly one time-out per at-bat and allow the pitcher exactly one chance to step off during an at-bat. That's it, otherwise stay in the box and stay on the rubber and play ball. There's no need to be stepping out of the box to take a few practice hacks after every pitch, this aint the World Series, it's the regular season.

Opening Day 2010

Chris "you're a clown, bye" Carlin, Bobby Ojeda, Darrrrrrrrryl, Ronnie, Keith & Gary

Magnitude of boos, in ascending order: Jerry Manuel, Luis Castillo, Oliver Perez, Mets training staff

'MERICA

My favorite feature of the ballpark, a nod to the same sign in L.I.C.

Darryl throws a strike to Coupon arch-nemesis and 80s teammate Howard Johnson.

Johan was comfortably in control of the game, save for one drive off the Great Wall of Flushing from Jorge Cantu. Would've been treated to more from Santana were it not for a blown call at second base after a great relay from Jason Bay to nail Cantu.

Big Marlins righty Josh Johnson struggled all day with his command, and even got lucky with some line drive outs from Alex Cora and David Wright.

Would've liked to have seen a three-inning novelty save from Fernando Nieve, but it's Opening Day, so the closer is required by law to appear no matter how big the margin is for the home team.

Put it in the books!

Couldn't have asked for better conditions to open the season across the Northeast. George F. Will was probably sobbing tears of joy all day Monday. Not pictured are some of the improvements to CitiField, including relocating the original home run apple in front of the home plate entrance, numerous player posters and perhaps the simplest but most dramatic improvement: painting the previously anonymous stairwells orange and blue. Slowly but surely people will one day be able to tell which team plays there.

Knicks Beat Celtics to Temporarily Avoid Third Straight 50-Loss Season; and More Gross Lawyer Vanity Plates

 Entertaining game at the Garden last nite, as the Knicks showed a some fluidity and some force in dropping the Celts 104-101. At 28-49, yet another Knick season finishes in abject ruins. WFAN.com put together a nice "lost decade" team, your starting five is Starbury, Allan "Smiles" Houston, Q, D-Lee and Eddy "Touch it" Curry. This past season may top them all for worthlessness. No draft pick to look forward too. The only player to take his game to a high level was David Lee, who may well leave this summer. The disastrous trade for Tracy McGrady, now publicly proclaiming that LeG.O.D.D. will not be coming to New York. Thanks for the memories Tracy, and thanks for costing us another draft pick that we can't afford to lose. And of course, Mike D'Antoni's surreal rotation policy. Dumps Nate Robinson, only to discover that Toney Douglas is the exact same player but not as good. Proclaims Bill Walker as the second coming. Says Eddy Curry is back and ready to ball. Proclaims Sergio Rodriguez as the Third Coming. Buries Jordan Hill. Proclaims Eddie House as the Fourth Coming. But man, is he good answering questions from the press! And really, that's the only diff-diff between the Walsh/D'Antonz regime and the Isiah and Layden regimes that proceeded them. Good P.R.
------
California is full of shitty vanity plates. The budget could be balanced on increased fees for asshole vanity plates. Here's one I spotted in Playa Vista. A shitty Benzo SUV, what a winner. I guess "Negoshi8" was taken.

Me Want Food

Specifically, this food:

Saw this book at the library. Had to grab it. Had to stop reading it while on the train because it was making me too hungee.

Baseball Opening Day 2010 Photos

Honoring a 134-year old tradition, we begin in Cincinnati and the Hit King. Nightmares.

 Leona Helmsley.

You watch your fat ass, Joe :"Keep Waiting, Donnie" Torre, Bobby Cox is gunning for your spot at the head of the Knights of the Bigelow Tea Table.

Stiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllll, Octavio "Please" Dotel. Thanks for Mike Hampton tho. Reminds me of when Hampton left the Mets for the Rockies, citing the better school system. Francesa and Dog had a field day that afternoon, playing "Rocky Mountain High" on a loop in the background.

 Is PNC Park in Pittsbugh consistently ranked the best because of the stadium itself or because of the backdrop? It's a legit question. That's why I keep Dodger Stadium in my top 3 (behind Old Shea and Fenway),  it's just baseball and nothing else.

  Not pictured: The stool King Bloomberg is standing on. I had the pleasure of meeting Diana Taylor once. Stone cold foxxxxx. -rawr-

Much better ensemble from President Obama than the pitiful shapeless jeans he wore last summer. But look at that feeble delivery. Looks like he could use a couple of seshies with the MZA. "The first key to pitching is to throw." And what would Sizzle-Bizzle aka The Kid say about that slouchy hat with the bent brim? That's not boss.

 Juan Pierre has a tiny head. I just want to pinch it.

Peep the real-life Comic Book Guy bashfully, prolly sweatily, waiting for Bob "I'll Toss a Complete Game Right Now" Feller. Nerd's got the kind of forearms you can only get by lifting many a Subway Meatball footlong to your mouth.

Johan knows the secret us stickballers knew many a moon ago: New Balance kicks. Meanwhile, can you even tell that this year's Met pinstripe jersey is cream rather than white? Without the texture you just can't create the look of the flannel era. No sport has uglier, less utilitarian jerseys than modern baseball.

Yankees and Mets Opening Day-Hardball is Back! (So are 4-hour Games)

 Any excitement over opening night was quickly dulled by the grinding gears of another 4-hour Yankee-Red Sox slugfest. Time moves like oatmeal through Wilford Brimley's mustache during a Yankee-Red Sox game. Of course, it's always jarring to go from watching hoops to baseball, no matter who is playing. Basketball gives you action with no context. Baseball gives you the context of a nice daily rhythm but with no action.

Or as my pal B-Town says, basketball is about tempo. Baseball is about tension. And in a Yanks-Bosawx game there is no tension. Only the kind of drunk punch-counterpunch that comes from two fighters who know each other far too well. You don't need Mushnick to tell you that a 9-inning game should not last nearly 4 hours. All the worse that it's on a Sunday school-night.

There are plenty of common-sense ways to reduce the length of games, which hurt tv ratings and general attention to the sport. But long games are great for owners because it means the fans actually attending the game have more time to stuff their face with sausages and t-shirts to cover their corpulent frames. Owners have always been reluctant to trade short-term cheese for the longer-term health of the game.

Today's Met game didn't do much better, clocking in at 3+hours for a fairly straightforward game. Not much to get excited about, the Mets always do well on Opening Day. Grrman does a nice job rounding up just how transitory and sad today's starting lineup is.

One thing watching all this baseball does do is make a man FIEND for sticks. But alas, 5 days till the freakin weekend.

That's The Stuff

When you ask people what historical figure(s) they would like to have dinner with, you always hear the standard answers, like "Jesus", "Pope John Paul", "Gandhi", "George Washington", etc, etc. Yawn. Any self-respecting man would fall over themselves to rip into a steak with any (all, if possible) of these dudes:

Sarah Palin Bukkakke

You Think This Is The Real Hauser?

It is.

I Didn't Know It Was Like That

Click on the pic for some cool, sometimes strange, rarely seen celebrity photos. As for the pic itself, yes, that is Sean Connery, and no, I have no words.

The Greatest April Fool's Day Pranks of All Time

 Some amazing stuff from around the web today, including the Santa Monica Daily Press announcing that legal gambling was coming to Los Angeles in the form of gambling boats that would dock at the Santa Monica pier then head out into international waters. (Maybe they would see Drederick Tatum fighting a horse).

The Guardian came through with this excellent fake campaign ad for UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

 And then there is this excellent roundup of the Greatest April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time, including Sports Illustrated's tale of Mets phenom prospect Sidd Finch, (which in a way seems like how Mets management feels eternally optimistic about Oliver Perez); Taco Bell's announcement that they had bought sponsorship rights to the Liberty Bell, Burger King's prank where they told people the Whopper wasn't available and they freaked, an Australian prank where they announced they would be converting to "metric time,"and one that Jay Leno would love, an Kokomo, Indiana report that its police station would close between 6pm and 6am and take messages in the interim.