Opening Day 2010

Chris "you're a clown, bye" Carlin, Bobby Ojeda, Darrrrrrrrryl, Ronnie, Keith & Gary

Magnitude of boos, in ascending order: Jerry Manuel, Luis Castillo, Oliver Perez, Mets training staff

'MERICA

My favorite feature of the ballpark, a nod to the same sign in L.I.C.

Darryl throws a strike to Coupon arch-nemesis and 80s teammate Howard Johnson.

Johan was comfortably in control of the game, save for one drive off the Great Wall of Flushing from Jorge Cantu. Would've been treated to more from Santana were it not for a blown call at second base after a great relay from Jason Bay to nail Cantu.

Big Marlins righty Josh Johnson struggled all day with his command, and even got lucky with some line drive outs from Alex Cora and David Wright.

Would've liked to have seen a three-inning novelty save from Fernando Nieve, but it's Opening Day, so the closer is required by law to appear no matter how big the margin is for the home team.

Put it in the books!

Couldn't have asked for better conditions to open the season across the Northeast. George F. Will was probably sobbing tears of joy all day Monday. Not pictured are some of the improvements to CitiField, including relocating the original home run apple in front of the home plate entrance, numerous player posters and perhaps the simplest but most dramatic improvement: painting the previously anonymous stairwells orange and blue. Slowly but surely people will one day be able to tell which team plays there.

Knicks Beat Celtics to Temporarily Avoid Third Straight 50-Loss Season; and More Gross Lawyer Vanity Plates

 Entertaining game at the Garden last nite, as the Knicks showed a some fluidity and some force in dropping the Celts 104-101. At 28-49, yet another Knick season finishes in abject ruins. WFAN.com put together a nice "lost decade" team, your starting five is Starbury, Allan "Smiles" Houston, Q, D-Lee and Eddy "Touch it" Curry. This past season may top them all for worthlessness. No draft pick to look forward too. The only player to take his game to a high level was David Lee, who may well leave this summer. The disastrous trade for Tracy McGrady, now publicly proclaiming that LeG.O.D.D. will not be coming to New York. Thanks for the memories Tracy, and thanks for costing us another draft pick that we can't afford to lose. And of course, Mike D'Antoni's surreal rotation policy. Dumps Nate Robinson, only to discover that Toney Douglas is the exact same player but not as good. Proclaims Bill Walker as the second coming. Says Eddy Curry is back and ready to ball. Proclaims Sergio Rodriguez as the Third Coming. Buries Jordan Hill. Proclaims Eddie House as the Fourth Coming. But man, is he good answering questions from the press! And really, that's the only diff-diff between the Walsh/D'Antonz regime and the Isiah and Layden regimes that proceeded them. Good P.R.
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California is full of shitty vanity plates. The budget could be balanced on increased fees for asshole vanity plates. Here's one I spotted in Playa Vista. A shitty Benzo SUV, what a winner. I guess "Negoshi8" was taken.

Me Want Food

Specifically, this food:

Saw this book at the library. Had to grab it. Had to stop reading it while on the train because it was making me too hungee.

Baseball Opening Day 2010 Photos

Honoring a 134-year old tradition, we begin in Cincinnati and the Hit King. Nightmares.

 Leona Helmsley.

You watch your fat ass, Joe :"Keep Waiting, Donnie" Torre, Bobby Cox is gunning for your spot at the head of the Knights of the Bigelow Tea Table.

Stiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllll, Octavio "Please" Dotel. Thanks for Mike Hampton tho. Reminds me of when Hampton left the Mets for the Rockies, citing the better school system. Francesa and Dog had a field day that afternoon, playing "Rocky Mountain High" on a loop in the background.

 Is PNC Park in Pittsbugh consistently ranked the best because of the stadium itself or because of the backdrop? It's a legit question. That's why I keep Dodger Stadium in my top 3 (behind Old Shea and Fenway),  it's just baseball and nothing else.

  Not pictured: The stool King Bloomberg is standing on. I had the pleasure of meeting Diana Taylor once. Stone cold foxxxxx. -rawr-

Much better ensemble from President Obama than the pitiful shapeless jeans he wore last summer. But look at that feeble delivery. Looks like he could use a couple of seshies with the MZA. "The first key to pitching is to throw." And what would Sizzle-Bizzle aka The Kid say about that slouchy hat with the bent brim? That's not boss.

 Juan Pierre has a tiny head. I just want to pinch it.

Peep the real-life Comic Book Guy bashfully, prolly sweatily, waiting for Bob "I'll Toss a Complete Game Right Now" Feller. Nerd's got the kind of forearms you can only get by lifting many a Subway Meatball footlong to your mouth.

Johan knows the secret us stickballers knew many a moon ago: New Balance kicks. Meanwhile, can you even tell that this year's Met pinstripe jersey is cream rather than white? Without the texture you just can't create the look of the flannel era. No sport has uglier, less utilitarian jerseys than modern baseball.

Yankees and Mets Opening Day-Hardball is Back! (So are 4-hour Games)

 Any excitement over opening night was quickly dulled by the grinding gears of another 4-hour Yankee-Red Sox slugfest. Time moves like oatmeal through Wilford Brimley's mustache during a Yankee-Red Sox game. Of course, it's always jarring to go from watching hoops to baseball, no matter who is playing. Basketball gives you action with no context. Baseball gives you the context of a nice daily rhythm but with no action.

Or as my pal B-Town says, basketball is about tempo. Baseball is about tension. And in a Yanks-Bosawx game there is no tension. Only the kind of drunk punch-counterpunch that comes from two fighters who know each other far too well. You don't need Mushnick to tell you that a 9-inning game should not last nearly 4 hours. All the worse that it's on a Sunday school-night.

There are plenty of common-sense ways to reduce the length of games, which hurt tv ratings and general attention to the sport. But long games are great for owners because it means the fans actually attending the game have more time to stuff their face with sausages and t-shirts to cover their corpulent frames. Owners have always been reluctant to trade short-term cheese for the longer-term health of the game.

Today's Met game didn't do much better, clocking in at 3+hours for a fairly straightforward game. Not much to get excited about, the Mets always do well on Opening Day. Grrman does a nice job rounding up just how transitory and sad today's starting lineup is.

One thing watching all this baseball does do is make a man FIEND for sticks. But alas, 5 days till the freakin weekend.

That's The Stuff

When you ask people what historical figure(s) they would like to have dinner with, you always hear the standard answers, like "Jesus", "Pope John Paul", "Gandhi", "George Washington", etc, etc. Yawn. Any self-respecting man would fall over themselves to rip into a steak with any (all, if possible) of these dudes:

Sarah Palin Bukkakke

You Think This Is The Real Hauser?

It is.

I Didn't Know It Was Like That

Click on the pic for some cool, sometimes strange, rarely seen celebrity photos. As for the pic itself, yes, that is Sean Connery, and no, I have no words.

The Greatest April Fool's Day Pranks of All Time

 Some amazing stuff from around the web today, including the Santa Monica Daily Press announcing that legal gambling was coming to Los Angeles in the form of gambling boats that would dock at the Santa Monica pier then head out into international waters. (Maybe they would see Drederick Tatum fighting a horse).

The Guardian came through with this excellent fake campaign ad for UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

 And then there is this excellent roundup of the Greatest April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time, including Sports Illustrated's tale of Mets phenom prospect Sidd Finch, (which in a way seems like how Mets management feels eternally optimistic about Oliver Perez); Taco Bell's announcement that they had bought sponsorship rights to the Liberty Bell, Burger King's prank where they told people the Whopper wasn't available and they freaked, an Australian prank where they announced they would be converting to "metric time,"and one that Jay Leno would love, an Kokomo, Indiana report that its police station would close between 6pm and 6am and take messages in the interim.

David Moyes and Roberto Mancini Fight During Man City-Everton Match

Created this image to go along with a fine piece by Jesse Chula over at EPL Talk.

In looking for source material I came across this amusing vintage boxing poster. With those sublime looks on their faces they are either ready to duke it out or make out with each other.

Nets Defeat Spurs to Avoid Tying All-Time NBA Loss Record Set by the Sixers

13,000 (announced) maniacs sat in the IZOD Center and watched the Nets down the Spurs for their 10th win of the year with which the team avoided becoming the losingest team in NBA history. What a proper year it's been for the Nets, no better way to say goodbye to the Brendan Byrne/Continental Airlines/Izod Arena/Center.

Long will Coups, Biz, Boomz, and myself remember traffic-clogged treks through the Lincoln Tunnel, frigid sprints through the parking lot, tyrannical ushers enforcing rules of decorum in a half-filled arena, Sir-Slam-A-Lot, One Horse Open Tamar Slay, the very-well designed (sincerely) concourse and seating bowl (one stair case goes up and one stair case goes down versus the MSG 12 escalator Mt. Everest climb and claustrophobic hallways that seem to narrow and shorten in height, reminiscent of the ones Springfield builds for Ned Flanders).

And of course, the retired banners for Bruce Springsteen and Beppo the Clown.

Paul Lukas ESPN Column on Vintage Ticket Stubs

"Mommy, why is Mr. Met Crying?" From Paul Lukas' latest ESPN column.

Insanity Masters and Sexy People, Two Dope Pop Culture Photo Blogs

This is what the internet is best at, delivering ill photos of ill people doing ill things. Nothing like this was available before the internet, save occasional forays into the daunting stacks of the leather-bound collections of old magazines (including Playboy--but with the photos snipped) of the Mid-Manhattan Library.
Two great photo blogs for your amusement, Insanity Masters and Sexy People. (Earth People, I was Born On Jupiter). Keep on doing G.O.D.D.'s work.

Waitaminnit, This One Might Be Better

Vinsanity Jr.

Weekend Update

Tuff weekend for your boy Coachie. Got called out as "Luis Scola" on the b-ball courts on Thursday. Got whipped in handball on Saturday morning in Venice 7-3. Got whipped in stickball on Saturday afternoon in Santa Monica 5-1, then got whipped in tennis 6-0, 6-4 on Sunday morning in Marina Del Rey. Capped off by a 4-1 whipping in foosball in Simi Valley Sunday night.

   

Spotted in Downtown L.A. Friday Afternoon. E-Z solution to California's budget crisis, quintuple the vanity plate fees, these assholes will still pay.

Afro-Mullet? Check.
Jose Canseco-style shades circa 1988? Check.
Tight black t-shirt? Check.
Sucked-in beer gut? Check.
Shapeless K-Mart Jeans? Check.
Crisp white sneakers? Check.
Authoritative strut across the park? Check.
Yup, Dad's ready for another Little League Season.

(Spotted in Los Amig-Bro Park in Santa Monica, CA on Saturday afternoon)

Jozin z Bazin; Jesus is a Friend of Mine; Sonseed; Urvasi Urvasi, getting Rick Roll'd.

Traveling the globe for entertaining clips:
First up, from South India (possibly Sri Lankan); featuring some of the illest dancing this side of prime Michael Jackson, prime Usher and parkour:

Next up, some Czech (but possibly Slovakian) schtee reminiscent of Andy Kaufman, musty suits and mustier beards.

and finally, America's Funniest Home Video-style ska combined with some serious love for the Man Above:

St. John's Season, and Anthony Mason Jr.'s career, ends in NIT loss to Memphis (Hopefully Norm Roberts gets fied too)

At least Mase, Jr. went out a-blazin; looking good with the mini-eraser head that's making a strong comeback this year with Baron Davis and Brandon Jennings leading the way.  On the free throw line needing two to tie with 30 seconds left, Anthony Mason, Jr. bricked the first. But he came right back on their next possession, banging a three from Beale Street to tie the game in Memphis. But then Wesley Witherspoon made an impossible layup, he drove the lane, went too far, threw it up as he fell out of bounds, it bounced high off the glass then off the rim then in as time expired; ending another disappointing year for St. John's and ending Anthony Mason, Jr.'s collegiate career.

The chapter should soon be closing on Head Coach Norm Roberts, who has enjoyed but two winning seasons out of six and only this year did the team reach the NIT. Many say Roberts has brought credibility back to the program. But for a Big East school with a powerful recruiting base in the area's parochial schools, making it as far as the NIT should be a given year-in-year-out. 6 years and one NIT appearance speaks for itself. Peace.

As for the NIT itself, I cannot fathom any argument to abolish it in favor of an expanded field. Frownie was there with me as we stormed the court for St. John's' 2004 NIT title. I'd rather peep my team win an NIT over bow out in the first round any day.

And now the payoff, pics of Anthony Mason, Jr. and his pops.

Damn, before young Mase shaved the dreads he looked like Weezy.

Live.........from Daryl Hall's House (but what about John Oates?)

 If you're stressed the f out, then chill the f out with Daryl Hall. The magic of his poppy voice is matched only by the magic of Internet technology that allows us to jam with him in his own him! Truth in advertising, it's called Live From Daryl's House. Mellow vibes, mellow melodies, mellow guests, mellow beaches, mellow tuneskis, everything's mellow except Daryl's hair. Aint nothing mellow about those silky strands of pure sex. Enjoy your stay, just don't go in the basement.

Meanwhile, where the fuck is Oates? Out of touch, out of time.

When Knicks-Nets Meant Something

Coach Scotty Brooks and Sam I Am watch in amazement as Coach Herbie Williams valiantly attempts to convert a finger roll. Judging by the talent on the floor, this must have been some game.

Film Footage of a Man Drinking a Beer in 1897; and Lazertits!

Now that's Old Man Beers.

Also, a great tumblr site called Lazertits. Truth in advertising. Showing the power of a clever concept, access to vintage 70's photographs, and photoshop.

New Futures Exchange Allows Investors to Invest in Movie Futures, short v long

Think "A-Team" is going to bomb? Think "Hot Tub Time Machine" will be a down-low hit? Knew all along that "Alice in Wonderland" would have the biggest opening ever? Now you can put your mozzarellll where your mouth is. Two new futures exchanges, one from Cantor Fitzgerald in NY and the other from a startup called Veriana Networks will soon debut that will allow studios to spread the risk that their movie will tank while allowing alternative forms of finance to flow into independent studios struggling to make their pictures. As reported in full by the LA Times.

Of course, what can go wrong when product producers become attenuated from the risks inherent to their business? Never get high when you got no supply.

That's Just Not Fair.

Coachie has reminded us of the glory of Vinsanity ballin' Freddy Weiss, but here's a mystery gem- this unfortunate dude is getting kneed/mooned while Carter is in an absolutely amazing position for a dunk. How are his legs like that? How high is he (maan)?


And, um, this one just looks silly. What I wouldn't give...

Rare video footage of Babe Ruth playing baseball, also, Efforts to Map London, also subway maps

 Two amazing links in the Uniwatchblog ticker today. The first is super-rare footage of Babe Ruth getting hit by a pitch. Not sure exactly how much film exists of the Babe in action, so this is super-cool to see. Here is the link.

Also, an interesting/nerdy series in Slate magazine exploring signage and navigation in big cities. Kind of a poor start with a Penn Station piece, and then a better one on attempts to make useful maps of London for pedestrians. New York has a subway map that is also useful as a general map of NYC (despite its skewed orientation (and the flip side showing the regional train map is fantastic). Chicago's El map is somewhat useful for getting around town, but their system is relatively uncomplicated. (also, the trains are super slow). London, famously, has a post-modern tube map that is generally useless for navigating the city above. The planners are hoping that better signage will encourage more walking and thus remove stress on the tube system.

Then there is Los Angeles. Feast your eyes on the area's utterly insane bus+train map. The buses out here are actually pretty good, provided you only travel in a straight line. L.A.'s actually an easy city to navigate, what with the major boulevards running from the ocean eastward to downtown, major avenues running from the hills southward to the ports,  and the odd-numbered north-south freeways and the even-numbered east-west freeways. Of course, it's always depressing to see old train/trolley maps of L.A., with lines going everywhere, serving the whole region before being torn up in the 1950s. Then again, if L.A. actually had a functional and useful subway system it would instantly become the greatest city in the world and become more crowded than it already is so...